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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister told me to buy a Christmas present for her cat?! Wwyd?

275 replies

Bear18 · 18/12/2018 23:48

Two years ago my sister bought a cat. Her husband works shifts and she said it would be lovely to get a cat to keep her company, I thought nice idea.... the first year she had the cat I said sis what would you like for Christmas, got any ideas?! Sister says oh don’t worry about me just buy for my cat, I thought she was joking, but no she was serious. I asked again for any ideas as I do find her hard to buy for, it’s better to ask. Anyway she gave me some ideas then later on she said ‘your buying for my cat right?’ i say eh? You want me to buy for your cat and she said well yeah she’s my baby blah blah.

So I thought, bite the bullet just get her cat something, it will make her happy, so I did.

Now this year I have been asked to buy for her cat again.....

Every time I catch up there’s always a story about the cat. When my dd plays with the cat she always get told off by my sister, dd don’t do that, don’t sing too loud, don’t move too quick it will startle the cat. I have caught my sister shouting at my dd over the cat!!!! - tbh it’s doing my head in. My dd is good with pets and is very gentle with the cat, she doesn’t need to be constantly told off.

I can tell she is a bit obsessed with the cat. I don’t have pets so I don’t get it. But would you ask someone to buy for your pet??

I have a list of what the cat likes and doesn’t like.... I have spent half hr on amazon .... then logged out and thought I have too much sh&t to do...... plus I feel petty because of the way she snaps at dd.

Do I give in and buy the cat something??? Wwyd ???

OP posts:
Overthinkr · 19/12/2018 23:18

Playing devil's advocate here, but over the last many years I've spent at least a couple hundred pounds every Christmas and birthday on presents for my sister's kids. Maybe she feels, consciously or subconsciously, that her cat deserves the same treatment? It sounds totally irrational, but you never know what people are thinking, right?

LorraineBainesMcFly · 19/12/2018 23:40

Glad you managed to get the cat something.
Hopefully the cat has your DD’s wish list and will be getting her something nice too Wink

bridgetreilly · 19/12/2018 23:52

I would not do it and I would make it very clear that I would never, ever be doing this. Ever.

slappinthebass · 19/12/2018 23:57

My inlaws buy for our cat, I find it really odd Grin. They are all totally obsessed with cats and treat them like babies. We don't even buy our own cat presents!

tildaMa · 20/12/2018 00:13

@Bear18

No you don't.
She gave you a wish list. You chose to ignore it because you think she's "obsessed" with her pet.
Way to show how much you care about your sister's feelings.

Bear18 · 20/12/2018 08:12

Actually tilda if she wants a present for her cat from her ‘list’ she needs to be grateful what I can get. It’s a bloody cat ffs. Have I rattled your feathers now because I am not fond of cats much? That’s my opinion and I am entitled to that

Due to all the overtime I have worked and dd has had a sickness bug that has gone on for over a week I’ve hardly managed to do much Xmas shopping at all. Plus hubby has started a new job (previously made redundant so we put a hold on shopping) And now I have received some great advice about catnip toys on here I have put the cat first and bought it a present through gritted teeth.

And yes she is bloody obsessed with that cat.

Another thing, caring about her feelings? Not once has she asked how we are doing, but she will gladly talk over me when we catch up and discussed the cat, so obsessed with her cat she has forgotten about other people in her life. So no totally disagree with your comment.

To the people interested, I managed to get a fish catnip toy ... 🤣.

OP posts:
Limensoda · 20/12/2018 08:40

but they don't understand when they are babies, and it's not building a tradition because they don;t understand so will have no memory of it or comprehension of what it is, so actually a total waste of time, and purely for the benfit of the adults who enjoy giving gifts. Just as giving gifts to pets is for human comfort

That's rubbish. The memories are stored and built on whether they can be consciously recalled or not and not necessarily vivid.
That's the way the tradition is built.
As for imposing human stuff on them; That comment was not referring to Christmas gifts....but in general.
Dogs and cats are wonderful as they are and there is no need to treat them as if they are human babies. That is done for the benefit of the human, not the animal.
So perhaps it's you that wets yourself when anyone points out the difference.

Ruddle91 · 20/12/2018 08:48

I buy for friends pets 🙈😂. Dreamies for the cats, soft toys for the dogs who like them/have purine issues or good quality dog treats for those that don't

IceRebel · 20/12/2018 08:54

Actually tilda if she wants a present for her cat from her ‘list’ she needs to be grateful what I can get.

You haven't as far as I can see shared what was on the list so it could for all we know have been as simple as a pouch of the cats favourite food. I hope you also don't mind if she decides to buy something that wasn't on your daughters list. (and I bet whatever she buys your child will cost a lot more than whatever she was asking for the cat)

It sounds like your sister is lonely and the cat is a big part of her life. You say it's all she talks about, but a lot of parents are the same about their children.

PixieCutRegret · 20/12/2018 09:16

I would not do it and I would make it very clear that I would never, ever be doing this. Ever.

This, it's irrelevant that she buys gifts for OPs DD, her human niece is in no way comparable to a pet FFS.

I wouldn't be buying anything for someone who shouted at my DCs for no good reason.

I bloody love cats btw.

RangeRider · 20/12/2018 12:02

if she wants a present for her cat from her ‘list’ she needs to be grateful what I can get. It’s a bloody cat ffs.
I hope she takes the same attitude towards your daughter if you're going to be like that. After all, it's only a bloody child ffs. Seriously, can't you just appreciate that her cat means a lot to her? I'm sure when you had DD you spent a lot of time talking about her and boring everyone to tears. It's what happens when you have something new and ultra important in your life. A little bit of understanding and Christmas cheer might not go amiss. And maybe if you were uber-interested in DCat she'd then reciprocate about you & DD.

KurriKurri · 20/12/2018 12:19

If you read my post properly Limensoda you will see I do not in any way deny a difference - merely point out that one type of love does not exclude the other. I'm not continuing this discussion for some reason you have decided to be very aggressive towards me. perhaps are stressed out by Christmas or something. Never mind, I don;t know you so it doesn't matter.

I do understand how memory works, - my knowledge in this area is probably considerably greater than yours.
I have no objection to people making a fuss of babies at Christmas, just don't pretend it is for anything other than the adults benefit. That's not necessarily a bad thing, so no need to lie about it.
My approach to people showing affection is an inclusve one - because i reconise how important it is for people to be able to express love, especially people who don't have family or children or any othe outlet for their affection. For many people who are lonely or vulnerable their pets are an immensely important part of their lives, and if they wish to buy them atreat at Christmas I see no harm in this.

You seem to think people have no right to love their pets and that their expression of this love is stupid. Which is very sad and rather unkind.

I am hiding the thread - I have no wish to become embroiled in a futile argument with an intransigent internet stranger - it is supposed to be the season of good will. I wish you well.

bigbluebus · 20/12/2018 12:27

My SIL is completely batshit crazy about her babies cat and dog but even she has never asked me to buy presents for them - although I'm starting to wonder if I've committed a faux pas by not doing so!

Limensoda · 20/12/2018 13:02

I'm not continuing this discussion for some reason you have decided to be very aggressive towards me. perhaps are stressed out by Christmas or something. Never mind, I don;t know you so it doesn't matter
And yet,.....you continued the discussion....
I was no more 'aggressive' than you were to me with your "laughing at people who went their pants at comparing'
Then,...you become patronising...or passive aggressive.
I do understand how memory works, - my knowledge in this area is probably considerably greater than yours
Nope,....you have no idea what my knowledge or qualifications are, so a silly thing to say.

You seem to think people have no right to love their pets and that their expression of this love is stupid. Which is very sad and rather unkind

No again! I think everyone has a right to love their pets. I've loved many pets over the years so you totally and deliberately chose to ignore the respect aspect of my post and decide I meant love.
I am hiding the thread - I have no wish to become embroiled in a futile argument with an intransigent internet stranger

You are hiding it because you don't like it when someone disagrees with you. Don't attack a view if you then take offence at what comes back at you @KurriKurri

pigsDOfly · 20/12/2018 13:15

I love my dog but I've never bought her a Christmas or birthday present. She's an animal and isn't going to look back on her 'childhood' and remember all the lovely Christmases and birthdays she had.

I know lots of people buy Christmas presents for their animals and that's great, they want to include their pets in the present giving, but asking someone else to buy for your pet is ridiculous.

proudestofmums · 20/12/2018 16:00

We’ve never been asked to buy presents for animals but we always buy something for the grand cats (catnip mice this year!) plus DIL’s brother’s dog (were close to the brother) and the neighbour’s dog

YoThePussy · 20/12/2018 16:44

King Catnip was mentioned up-thread. Bought a KC banana today for my two cats. Oh my days, it has been mayhem since I got home. Carriers are being unpacked, my new shoes are being sucked, the purring has reached a crescendo. Still not crumbling though, they will wait until the 25th.

timeisnotaline · 20/12/2018 16:49

icerebel You haven't as far as I can see shared what was on the list so it could for all we know have been as simple as a pouch of the cats favourite food.
She did say the list was toys and a pouch of treat food would go down rather badly...

Bear18 · 20/12/2018 17:08

Rangerider - comparing a cat to a child..... omg I have no words ..... and actually no, I never bored my sister talking about my dd, keep assuming....

When my dd receives gifts we are grateful, no one needs to buy her gifts if family do then it’s a bonus. I’m not a list person - just a grateful one....

OP posts:
Kenworthington · 20/12/2018 17:17

My mum bought a present for my cat the first Xmas I had him and ever since then she is ‘not buying a present for Colin again because he just wasn’t grateful enough last time’ okaaaaasy then mother sorry my cat didn’t write you a thank you letter wtf

Cassie71 · 20/12/2018 17:30

Could you give the cat a cardboard box, cats love empty boxes.

Beeziekn33ze · 20/12/2018 18:08

When a friend had one of her two cats pts she was very upset. I wrote her her a note and gave the remaining cat a catnip mouse. She was so touched and appreciative.
But the cat didn't thank me, AIBU to find this discourteous? 🤣

tildaMa · 20/12/2018 18:23

Bear18
And you still don't understand it's not about the cat.

user1490465531 · 20/12/2018 18:33

my family buy for my cat every year she has a bag of goodies under the tree.
Why not pets are family after all.

badlydrawnperson · 20/12/2018 18:40

Our cats seem to like leaving me the gifts of shit and vomit, bless 'em.