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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move DD to a new school although she doesn't want to?

63 replies

Gingerninj · 18/12/2018 21:34

I'm planning to move in the new year, only about 25 minutes from where we currently live. DD didn't want to move at all at first as it meant leaving the town she's always lived in, she's feeling better about it now but is adamant to stay at her school. I understand it's not easy, she only started there in september. The commute there would be possible but not easy, 25 minutes (probably more in rush hour) there and back, along with picking up DS. She's in year 9 so that would be for the next 2 and a bit years. She's going to a good school and i hate to be doing this just as she properly settled in but in the end it would probably be much easier to move her to a local school. Which, if she tries to, she'll settle in there to. Does anyone travel a similar distance? Is it worth it? I do want her to be happy of course

OP posts:
twoheaped · 18/12/2018 21:39

I did this with my dd but we were 45 mins with no traffic.
We had to leave at 7:15am to get there for 8:30am. We did this from Oct yr9 to end of GCSE.
Only thing I would say is, she won't have any local friends. They is my dd's one regret.

MardyArabella · 18/12/2018 21:39

25 minutes there and back?

That’s not much of a commute at all.

I wouldn’t move a year 9 child unless I had absolutely no choice. Friends are crucial at that age.

DrWashout · 18/12/2018 21:48

Is there a back story to her starting a new school in Y9, or is that the norm in your area?

ViragoKnows · 18/12/2018 21:50

Never move a teenager unless it’s absolutely necessary.

missperegrinespeculiar · 18/12/2018 21:53

hmm, I wouldn't do it, we moved out of our area recently, too, but left both DCs in their school, it's a bit of a drive, but thy kept all their friends and are happy and settled

we might have to move them a long way away in the future, and I am dreading it (hoping it doesn't happen!), would not choose to do it if I could avoid it

FiveNightsAtMummys · 18/12/2018 21:53

I travel similar to my dc school, it's a pain if i ever forgot anything and have to nip back but my dc loves the school.

Bunnybigears · 18/12/2018 21:54

25 minutes isnt that long. I wouldnt move a year 9 unless absolutely necessary.

Bunbunbunny · 18/12/2018 21:55

25 minutes is nothing, let her stay at her school.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 18/12/2018 21:55

Sorry I miss read I thought you ment one way! I'd not consider moving for 25 mins round trip!

Escolar · 18/12/2018 21:56

25 mins there and back is closer than our nearest secondary!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 18/12/2018 21:57

Is there a school bus? Will you still be in catchment? We live just outside the catchment area for our closest school but we have a school bus laid on, we just have to pay for it.

They base the catchment areas on postcodes. Our postcode runs to six miles from the catchment school even though we live closer to the school dd goes to. Hmm

OriginallyfromLA · 18/12/2018 21:58

I think she means 25mins one way.

DeltaDelta · 18/12/2018 22:00

So she's started year 9 at a new school this September, settled in and now you want to move her again. That's a lot of moving around. She's spent one term at her current school, what's happened that she needs to move again so soon?i can totally understand why she doesn't want to move yet again, it will be her third school.

llangennith · 18/12/2018 22:05

If it was primary school I'd say move her but not in Yr9 and especially as she's already had to be the new girl at this school. A 25 minutes school run is nothing. DGS is in Yr6 state primary only 4 miles away but it takes 25 mins to get there in the mornings.
Leave her where she is.

llangennith · 18/12/2018 22:06

If it was primary school I'd say move her but not in Yr9 and especially as she's already had to be the new girl at this school. A 25 minutes school run is nothing. DGS is in Yr6 state primary only 4 miles away but it takes 25 mins to get there in the mornings.
Leave her where she is.

AliMonkey · 18/12/2018 22:09

25 minute journey to secondary school isn't long - DS walks 30 minutes, DD's journey takes 40 mins, mixture of walking and train - and they have friends whose journey is much longer - though admittedly I think the ones who commute for over an hour are mad! However, if that 25 minute journey you driving for nearly an hour twice a day (potentially with DS also having to come with you?) then not practical.

Where possible (and I realise it isn't always if you live rurally or have been allocated a school a long way away), secondary school pupils should be able to get to school and back independently - how would she eg get home if stayed for a club and you had to be somewhere else? So can she do the journey another way? Or perhaps a mixture - you drive her to a bus stop?

So I wouldn't do it unless no choice (or closer school was rubbish) - but if there's a backstory about why she moved schools in year 9 then that might put a different slant on it, if eg whatever reason she left her previous school might become an issue if she moved schools.

But presumably you took all this into account when deciding to move and there are good reasons to move to that location rather than somewhere more convenient for schools?

RebelWitchFace · 18/12/2018 22:09

Why did she just start in September?
Why did you move?

DeltaDelta · 18/12/2018 22:21

I don't really think the issue here is the length of travel. The issue is she has just moved to her current school and she is to be moved yet again after only spending one term! this will be her third secondary school. OP why does she have to move again?

MrsTerryPratcett · 18/12/2018 22:22

25 minutes is nothing. Is there public transport?

italiancortado · 18/12/2018 22:25

25 minutes there and back?

maddiemookins16mum · 18/12/2018 22:26

Don’t do it. My parents moved me in the January after I started 4th year in the September (showing my age here), it was the worst two years of my teens. Utterly miserable. I’d not wish that on any 13 year old.

notgivingin789 · 18/12/2018 22:27

For primary, I would say move her. But she’s in secondary school and is in year 9- no way. At the age, my friends were crucial to me, it also can be diffuse for your DD to join in pre-existing friendship groups.

25 minutes is nothing. I was travelling to school 40 minutes each way. I also didn’t feel I missed it by not going to a local secondary school. You’ll be surprised- most of my local primary school friends quickly moved on to new friends..once we all went to secondary school.

CommanderDaisy · 18/12/2018 22:28

Twenty five minutes is nothing as far as commutes go. I used to have to spend three hours in the car daily to get my children to school, and now they have a 45 minute bus trip each day. If I drive them it's still 20 minutes.
Moving a teenager in high school years is a never to be recommended unless there is serious bullying occuring or the school performs poorly. Moving a teenager schools twice in such a short period of time is even less good. Why was it necessary for her to change schools in September? Is there a backstory that could fill out the gaps in your post?

RandomMess · 18/12/2018 22:29

No I really wouldn't move her if she's happy and at a good school.

Drogosnextwife · 18/12/2018 22:38

She has only been there for a few months and you want to move her again? No wonder she is refusing. If you mean a 25 min round trip YABVU, even if you meant 25 mins just there I still think YABU.