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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move DD to a new school although she doesn't want to?

63 replies

Gingerninj · 18/12/2018 21:34

I'm planning to move in the new year, only about 25 minutes from where we currently live. DD didn't want to move at all at first as it meant leaving the town she's always lived in, she's feeling better about it now but is adamant to stay at her school. I understand it's not easy, she only started there in september. The commute there would be possible but not easy, 25 minutes (probably more in rush hour) there and back, along with picking up DS. She's in year 9 so that would be for the next 2 and a bit years. She's going to a good school and i hate to be doing this just as she properly settled in but in the end it would probably be much easier to move her to a local school. Which, if she tries to, she'll settle in there to. Does anyone travel a similar distance? Is it worth it? I do want her to be happy of course

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 19/12/2018 19:53

Can you drive her to the bus stop

So half way

IceRebel · 19/12/2018 20:22

Your daughter is in year 9, she's already moved once and wants to stay where she is.

You really can't move her.

I'm sure you'd like her to move but this is her choice, and she has chosen to stay.

The one thing that stands out from your OP is it would probably be much easier to move her to a local school. Whether its convenient for you doesn't matter, she is settled, has friends and deserves the chance to have a secure and uninterrupted learning.

LadyLance · 19/12/2018 20:46

Changing schools again won't be great for her academically. A lot of schools start GCSE work in core subjects in Year 9, so if she moves now, it's likely she'll end up with gaps in her knowledge- but she'll be expected to build on this work as she goes towards GCSEs. She may miss topics in science or be doing different books in English or any one of a number of things that could cause problems in one or more subjects.

Moving twice in quick succession could leave her feeling unsettled and if she is just starting to do well socially, then surely you don't want to damage that?

I agree that you driving her to somewhere she could get the bus from could be a good compromise.

Wateringhole · 19/12/2018 20:49

My parents moved me halfway through Year 9 and I never forgave them. I found it really difficult as friendship groups had already been formed and teenage girls are mean. I was quite a confident person and it really knocked me. I did eventually make friends but that was purely to get me through school, I have barely spoken to any of them since. 25 minutes commute is nothing really.

Allthewaves · 19/12/2018 21:06

Could you drop her to a bus stop half way so she's only getting one bus

Brighton2 · 19/12/2018 21:48

Do you mind me asking why you need to move house?

callmeadoctor · 23/12/2018 11:40

I think that the OP has made up her mind! FWIW I was moved from school to school at secondary and it really stuffed up my head and my education. I am 50 plus now and have still not forgiven my parents. Life for me now could have been so different :-(

NotMeNoNo · 23/12/2018 12:01

Really if your DD has had difficulties and is doing better now that could all fall to pieces and then you won't care about the house. We have bitter experience of this.

Italiangreyhound · 23/12/2018 13:02

If the journey takes multiple buses why not take her to one of the bus stops and then return (with younger child in the car) to drop him at school?

That way ds gets the new school in the nicer area and your dd gets to stay where she is for now. If she decides it is too much effort to do this then you can look at new schools in your new area and she could move at the start of the coming academic year.

Gingerninj you said "She moved schools in september as she was having a lot of problems at her old school to do with other students and her behaviour wasn't great, a fresh start was what she needed, she's had a hard time settling in but seems to be doing well lately so I know moving her isn't the best option." So there is a risk of returning to problems with another school move.

"I know 25 minutes isn't very long but that will add up to about an hour (getting out of the car park, with traffic it could be longer)" Why would you need to go into the school car park? When we drop dd at school (or rare occasions) she does not want to be seen having a lift! We drop her down the road and she walks the last bit.

If you could drop her at the bus stop for the final bus in time for that bus you'd probably cut her journey a fair bit which would suit her and maybe make it a shorter journey?

Schmoobarb · 23/12/2018 13:06

If she only moved to this school in September and it’s easily commutable I don’t think it would be fair to move her

Original poster

Gingerninj · 24/12/2018 11:53

I'm going to be dropping her off at the bus stop so she only has to take one bus and there will still be time to drop DS off. I know this will be best for her rather than moving schools again. I had to move many times growing up, even across the country so I wouldn't want to do that to her but this arrangement seems best for everyone

OP posts:

Cath2907 · 24/12/2018 11:58

When we move in Jan we will need to drive 30min to school. It’s a bloody nuisance but DD doesn’t want to move and is happy and settled in her class. I risk her not being happy in another school and would rather suck up the commute and leave her in a class with her nice friends and caring teachers.

Bekabeech · 25/12/2018 07:41

Good solution!
Happy Christmas

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