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Original poster

Mil and the panto

100 replies

Winterfellwonderland · 18/12/2018 15:01

My mil had planned to take our oldest ds to see a panto at the weekend gone. Ds was really looking forward to it. Cut a long story short and probably some outing info , fil decided he now wanted to go with mil so mil told us the day before she wouldn’t be taking ds and instead fil was going. My ds did nothing to challenge this, I feel like I’m the only one who thinks this is awful behaviour! I know a lot of replies will be she has every right to take who she wants, yeah fair enough as long as your not upsetting a little boy who’s been looking forward to it! Any advice how to handle this one because I feel I can’t let her get away with it!

OP posts:
SimplyPut · 18/12/2018 16:08

Is your FIL aware he has stolen his grandson s seat? I'm a appalled by them both!

Hoppinggreen · 18/12/2018 16:08

Your DH totally DOES get why this is unacceptable but he’s too spineless to do anything about it
Let’s hope FIL gets turned away for trying to use a child’s ticket. Arseholes

Original poster
Winterfellwonderland · 18/12/2018 16:08

@GreatDuckCookery There’s no backstory at all! She really did book tickets for her and my ds! I think fil who is as miserable and mean as Scrooge himself probably said something along the lines of fancying going and mil jumped at the chance to take him instead as he never leaves the house and she would move mountains to keep him happy....... I don’t know but that’s what I can think happened but I will ask her and tell her off!

@salmakia thanks I will look!

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterfellwonderland · 18/12/2018 16:10

Btw the senior tickets are the same price as the kids tickets

OP posts:
missperegrinespeculiar · 18/12/2018 16:10

WTF? is your FIL 5?!

Original poster
Winterfellwonderland · 18/12/2018 16:14

She’s absent minded in the sense that she doesn’t realise how her actions effect others... she just has lack of awareness of her actions I guess....... I dunno this is low even for her

OP posts:
GlitterStick · 18/12/2018 16:14

Nothing odd about grown ups going to the panto even if they don't have kids! Hmm
Horrible to promise to take a small child and then ditch them so they can't go anymore when they were looking forward to it!
Who does that?! That's not absent minded, that's bloody nasty.

Soubriquet · 18/12/2018 16:15

Your poor ds

How on earth is your dh so dim witted that he can’t see why this is wrong?

I remember my sister promising to take my dd out for the day.

On the day in question, my dd was up and dressed and so excited

Sister never turned up. Me messaging got no response and at bedtime poor dd was upset and kept saying but I’m going to sisters house.

I was heartbroken by that

I am now very LC with her. Not just for this though. It is all built up

RhiWrites · 18/12/2018 16:18

That’s so weird. Why doesn’t your DH think it’s a problem. Does he talk to your son at all?

EmUntitled · 18/12/2018 16:18

What have you bought FIL for Christmas?
I vote on visiting at Christmas with your DS wearing or using whatever it is, and saying "oh DS said he fancied your present so we gave it to him instead ".

Seriously though, did your DH not see that your son was upset? I think you need to speak to MIL and let her know how upset you and DS are and why. If she doesn't realise this sort of thing will happen again.

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2018 16:18

“Your MIL is an awful, thoughtless old lady!
Or an awful, thoughtless middle aged lady.
Or potentially an abused woman of uncertain age.

FIL is without doubt an arsehole.

I8toys · 18/12/2018 16:19

That's horrible. I would lose so much respect for adults acting like this towards a child. I would be having words never mind DH.

BollocksToBrexit · 18/12/2018 16:19

My brother did this to my DD when she was little. She's an adult now but she's never forgotten it. Neither of us have any contact with him now.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 18/12/2018 16:21

Is there a history of your fil behaving like a selfish narcissistic bastard?

That is incredibly cruel behaviour and I would be considering whether my child needed selfish bastards like that in their life!

The fact that your dh sees nothing wrong means he is either conditioned to accept shitty behaviour from his df. Or he too is a selfish bastard that sees nothing wrong with disappointing small children!

How they could go and watch parents and grandparents take their children and grandchildren to the panto knowing their grandson could have been enjoying himself is beyond me! I love panto, because I enjoy seeing my children interact and enjoy the magic!Watching the little ones get excited is the best bit!

Your poor ds! He must feel awful and so disappointed!

DarklyDreamingDexter · 18/12/2018 16:22

Have you actually spoken to her about it yet? Maybe she doesn't realise how much DS was looking forward to it. (Although it doesn't take a genius to work out why a child might be upset at this. ) You say doesn't effect of her actions sometimes, so unless she's nasty by nature (and FIL too) I'd be putting her straight. Are they coming to you for Christmas by any chance or vice versa? How would they like a last minute cancellation, I wonder?

NonaGrey · 18/12/2018 16:24

I would be quietly making MIL aware that DS was terribly disappointed not to go and asking her to make sure nothing like that ever happened again.

How would your DH feel if he was excited to be going to a concert with a friend and got bumped for a better offer at the last minute?

Poor form all round.

BarbaraRoyale · 18/12/2018 16:25

I would be really upset for my son

WhatchaMaCalllit · 18/12/2018 16:25

Put a situation to your DH like this.
He makes an arrangement for your DS to go to the panto with your parents/sister/brother. They decide with no consultation to you to go to the cinema with their friends to an 18s movie (so there is no way that your DS could attend). Your DS has been looking forward to spending time with his grandparent/aunt/uncle and also seeing the panto but now wont. How would that play out in his (i.e. your DH's) head?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 18/12/2018 16:26

If your DH doesn't see anything wrong with the way that your DS's grandparents have behaved (his parents), then you know the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

ChocolateTearDrops · 18/12/2018 16:26

FIL does realise he'll be sitting amongst loads of over-excited children bellowing "he's behind you", doesn't he? Hmm

Cuppaand2biscuits · 18/12/2018 16:26

Concessions tickets for over 60's are usually the same price as child tickets so if they are over 60 it probably won't be an issue.
Absolutely disgusting behaviour though, father in law is certainly as much to blame for deciding to go.
No idea where you are but where we are the smaller theatre's outside of the city centre are much cheaper and often discount the tickets for the last few days at the beginning of January. But they don't advertise that until after the Christmas dates have passed.

Atalune · 18/12/2018 16:27

I like tenbobs suggestion up thread. Call her out on it but nicely.

goldengummybear · 18/12/2018 16:28

That's awful! I'd be furious too.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 18/12/2018 16:29

If your DH doesn't see anything wrong with the way that your DS's grandparents have behaved (his parents), then you know the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

This.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 18/12/2018 16:32

I think other than unforseen circumstances like illness or family emergency, in general, cancelling pre existing plans is rude. But letting down a child for a specific treat that they'd been looking forward to, at Christmas, is a whole other level of rude, it's a bit cruel! Dropping someone just because someone better came along is very childish behaviour.

I would definitely have a word along the lines of he is very disappointed and doesn't understand why you let him down at the last minute and ask that she sticks to arrangements made with him in the future

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