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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil and the panto

100 replies

Winterfellwonderland · 18/12/2018 15:01

My mil had planned to take our oldest ds to see a panto at the weekend gone. Ds was really looking forward to it. Cut a long story short and probably some outing info , fil decided he now wanted to go with mil so mil told us the day before she wouldn’t be taking ds and instead fil was going. My ds did nothing to challenge this, I feel like I’m the only one who thinks this is awful behaviour! I know a lot of replies will be she has every right to take who she wants, yeah fair enough as long as your not upsetting a little boy who’s been looking forward to it! Any advice how to handle this one because I feel I can’t let her get away with it!

OP posts:
tenbob · 18/12/2018 15:32

Has MIL told you, or your DH?

Because if you've not heard this first hand, I'd be phoning her up all innocently and saying 'oh hi MIL, bit of confusion in this house.
Is FIL now taking DS to the panto instead of you?'
And if she said that no, MIL and FIL are going, you've got the perfect opportunity to say 'sorry, I'm really confused here. You're saying you're telling a child they can't go for their christmas treat to see a children's panto because 2 adults want to go and see the children's panto? Even though it means that DS won't be able to go after looking forward to it all year?'

Witchend · 18/12/2018 15:33

If it's a child's ticket he may be refused on the door. That could be quite funny.

Avrannakern · 18/12/2018 15:35

That's horrible!

Don't make them change but at least say "next time, please don't get his hopes up about a day out with you if you're just going to cancel. It's left him quite upset. Enjoy the show" then hang up!

Bluetrews25 · 18/12/2018 15:35

Next time she invites him somewhere, ask if it is going to be cancelled at the last minute like the panto last year was?
Then thank and decline, as you don't want to get his hopes up for nothing.

OlennasWimple · 18/12/2018 15:37

How old is DS?

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2018 15:39

That’s awful. Is she scared of FIL?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/12/2018 15:39

Mil is quite absent minded a lot of the time and I don’t think she realises what she’s done lol dh thinks I’m being dramatic

How do you mean? She forgot that she'd asked DS?

Kintan · 18/12/2018 15:43

This is such a bizarre situation - what on earth can they be thinking? Is your FiL a nice person? Is he coercing his wife to not take your son for some weird reason? I'd be checking in with her to make sure everything was ok. Like a pp said why would an adult want to go willingly to a children's panto?

LagunaBubbles · 18/12/2018 15:43

Mil is quite absent minded a lot of the time and I don’t think she realises what she’s done lol dh thinks I’m being dramatic

How on earth can she forget she was meant to be taking her Grandson to a panto? Confused

And what's even worse is your DH thinks you're being dramatic? He really doesn't get it? Confused

MumW · 18/12/2018 15:43

My dh doesn’t get why I’m so angry!!
Tomorrow morning, lay it on thick that tonight's his lucky night. 😘 Allure to it when he gets in from work and then, after DS has gone to bed, tell him that, actually, you're washing your hair tonight. 😂 If that doesn't get through his thick skull then nothing will.

YouBelongHere · 18/12/2018 15:44

I would be upset if someone did this to me as an adult, goodness knows how your DS must be feeling! Very insensitive of your MIL Sad

Ilikeknitting · 18/12/2018 15:45

Please try to book tickets for you to take your poor child to this panto. Your MIL is an awful, thoughtless old lady! Remind of that, next time she is grumbling that she rarely sees her grandchildren. (She won’t be seeing her grandchildren so often now will she?)

rabbitfoodadvocate · 18/12/2018 15:46

What weird people your PIL are! Your DH sounds like a sodden blanket too.

Thank god your DS has you around.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/12/2018 15:47

Have you spoke to her OP? Explained how unfair this is? You have every right to do so even if your DH won't.

Is there a backstory here?

Livingoncake · 18/12/2018 15:48

Ouch. Poor little boy.

Agree with PPs who said you should refuse all offers of similar outings in future. “Oh, he was so hurt when you cancelled his Christmas panto outing with you, I think it’s best we don’t get his hopes up about a day out with Granny again.” If she persists, you may need to be more firm with the “You hurt my child and you won’t be doing it again” message.

Selfish twats.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/12/2018 15:48

Ilikeknitting less of the ageism please.

ShadowHuntress · 18/12/2018 15:49

That’s an awful thing to do to a child, especially at this time of the year. My dc are going to panto next weekend with their grandparents and have not stopped going on about it. They literally ask me every day if today is the day they’re going and my 6 year old has even got her dress ready to wear. I would go mad if my parents suddenly decided not to take them. Poor boy

dustarr73 · 18/12/2018 15:50

Jesus thats awful.Imagine doing that to a child .Mil is quite absent minded a lot of the time and I don’t think she realises what she’s done

Of course she realises,who forgets that they have asked their gs to a Christmas Panto.

Youmadorwhat · 18/12/2018 15:50

I’m not for one moment saying that this is your fault (because it’s not) but this is the exact reason I don’t really tell my children any plans until practically the day it happens. Then if I need to change plans or something crops up I don’t need to disappoint them. Maybe next time she makes plans just hold off until closer to the time?

WeCameToDance · 18/12/2018 15:50

I think the fact that your fil wanted to see a bloody panto enough to take a ticket from a child is the strangest thing here. Grown adults actual enjoy the panto?! Not just tolerate it for their childs sake!?
This was incredibly mean of them and whether mil was being short sighted or not I would have to bring up how upset your ds was. Also I wouldnt trust any of her promises again. I would not tell your ds when she offers a treat next time and leave it to the day of the treat to tell him just in case she pulls something like this again.

Salmakia · 18/12/2018 15:55

I know this isn't the point of the thread but some theatres do a pay what you can afford performance of a few plays throughout the year, the one local to me always has one of these days for the panto. It's usually in January. Have a look to see if that is an option or if the local paper do any vouchers for 241 tickets - often these are for January too as panto is really popular before Christmas and a little less so after.

Littleraindrop15 · 18/12/2018 15:56

I'd speak to mil and tell her straight as she might not realise it's caused upset, based on you mentioning she is absent minded.

Ethel36 · 18/12/2018 16:05

Oh no I feel so sorry for your son. I bet he felt so sad. Why on earth would she promise her grandson them take her husband instead?! How old is your son? How dreadful.

SirGawain · 18/12/2018 16:05

She can take anyone she wants to, but to not take a child after she told him she would is appalling. You DH sounds as if he is no better than them.

mindutopia · 18/12/2018 16:06

Who are these grown ups knocking children to the ground to sit through 3 hours of a panto? To be honest, if it wasn't for the fact there was a bar during the interval, I'm not sure I could hold it together that long for my children! Who are these adults who just want to go for the fun of it alone when they don't have to? (I say this in jest, obviously, but really I can't imagine a 70 year old man just dying to see some evil stepsisters in drag. That's just mean.)