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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

66 replies

MelissaN93 · 18/12/2018 01:03

Evening All.

5 months ago I gave birth to my DD. Best day of my life, I was very nervous as I'm a FTM so most things scared me. DF didn't understand where I was coming from and we argued quite a bit. Name calling was his "favourite" thing. No matter what I did I was always wrong. He thought everything was going to go back to how it was before we conceived, I knew it wasn't going too. In recent weeks we've got on so much better and I mentioned another baby by the time my DD is two, his response was "after the first one I think I'll wait a little bit longer because you were a nightmare" AIBU in thinking this is a little bit wrong of him?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 18/12/2018 01:44

Sorry, what does FTM mean in this context?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 18/12/2018 01:45

I assume first time mum

Singlenotsingle · 18/12/2018 01:51

If your dd is only five months old, it is probably a bit early to start talking about another one. He's right in that respect. Maybe you were a bit hormonal after having dd, but it sounds as though he was completely unreasonable too. I don't suppose either of you were getting much sleep and it does tend to make people a bit short tempered - that's him as much as you, and probably more!

Original poster
MelissaN93 · 18/12/2018 01:58

@Singlenotsingle I see where you're coming from, I don't mind waiting :) I'm enjoying my first. I just feel like he could of worded it a little bit better :/

OP posts:
Original poster
MelissaN93 · 18/12/2018 02:01

@BitOfFun it's First Time Mom :)

OP posts:
tildaMa · 18/12/2018 02:39

Are you talking about your father or baby's father?

Original poster
MelissaN93 · 18/12/2018 03:01

@tildaMa my baby's father

OP posts:
squaksquak · 18/12/2018 03:02

Are you talking about your father or baby's father?

Let’s hope she’s not had a baby with her own father 😬😬

P.s when I read it I thought the same

Original poster
MelissaN93 · 18/12/2018 03:03

@squaksquak he's my fiancée aha if he sees me writing on this and labelling him as my boyfriend he'll moan about it

OP posts:
SilverDoe · 18/12/2018 03:12

Yah it’s quite insensitive. Hormonally and emotionally post birth is hard for women, and for me it was much harder with the first than the second (ups and downs virtually non existent with the second in my case)

Arguing a lot does not help. He needs to concede as a woman that baby blues, exhaustion etc will take over. Him being nice about it rather than name calling would make a world of difference to both of you.

By DP has never called me a name, it’s not a very nice thing to do to your partner :(

KeiTeNgeNge · 18/12/2018 03:29

What do you mean that calling you names is his favourite thing? Does he verbally abuse you, put you down etc?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/12/2018 03:45

"you were a nightmare" is a fucking nasty response and shows how little he understands or cares about you, what you went through having a baby, or what you had to do to care for her.
Sounds like he didn't put himself out much to help!

Agree about the name-calling - is he generally an abusive arsehole? Does he belittle you all the time in other ways too?

I'd think VERY hard about having another baby with him just because he doesn't sound very nice!

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/12/2018 03:47

I agree, name calling, not supporting you and calling you a "nightmare" are not the things a loving supportive man does. Trust me on this.

At the very least, think about your options as he is waving a fair few red flags my love.

aintnopartylikeansclubparty · 18/12/2018 03:58

Name calling is horrible and not part of a healthy relationship. He doesn't sound like a supportive partner. I'd be vary wary of having another baby with him. (In all honesty I'd leave someone who called me names.)

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/12/2018 04:10

Name calling was his "favourite" thing.

What?

MadameDuBarry · 18/12/2018 04:14

Would not stay in a relationship with someone who called me names, far less contemplate compounding my error by having another child with him.

tryinganewname · 18/12/2018 04:33

Not sure why you'd be thinking of having another baby with him to be honest!

AJPTaylor · 18/12/2018 04:59

Name calling is his favourite thing?
Find some self esteem and don't marry someone who uses you as a verbal punch bag.

Childrenofthestones · 18/12/2018 05:05

Him being an arsehole aside, two people get to decide when they have a baby or not.
You should respect his decision.

Gina2012 · 18/12/2018 06:52

Name calling was his "favourite" thing. No matter what I did I was always wrong

If that's still true DO NOT have another child with him.

And consider your position now.

Do you REALLY want to be with a man like this?

Pachyderm1 · 18/12/2018 06:55

He was very wrong to say you were a nightmare instead of acknowledging that the first few weeks with a baby are hard. He generally doesn’t sound like a very nice person - do you really want another baby with him?

I think it’s fine if he wants to take things more slowly and make a decision about a second child once more time has passed. But you should use that time too to think carefully about whether a man who sounds like an unsupportive bully is someone you want more kids with.

ScrumpyBetty · 18/12/2018 06:59

He put you down, called you names, called you a nightmare. This is not how you treat someone you love. You deserve better OP

Stompythedinosaur · 18/12/2018 07:36

He doesn't sound nice. It is normal to find it hard when you have a new born, not normal for your partner to abuse you.

Merryoldgoat · 18/12/2018 07:41

What does ‘name calling’ mean?

E.g. you silly sausage - fine; you irrational cow - not fine.

Merryoldgoat · 18/12/2018 07:42

Posted too soon.

And if you were ‘always wrong’ it sounds like he enjoyed putting you down and undermining you.

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