Aibu for going mad at friend who never paid me back?

[Coldshoulders]

So basically I borrowed a friend some money quite a few weeks ago now. We live in different towns so I transferred the money to her bank account which she received and thanked me for. We had an arrangement for her to pay me back the following week. The time comes where I txt her and ask if there's any chance she can transfer the money back to me and she replied sorry I have my weeks mixed up I don't get paid til next week, fair enough it is what it is. So I wait and get no response or money. Recently she's been messaging me hinting she needs money for various things and i didn't give her anymore money, I left her to rant away. Now it's been weeks since still no money so yesterday out the blue she messaged me so I decided to just ask her if she's got this money and she blanked my text. I seriously lost my shit and sent her a nasty msg saying if u cudnt pay me back u shud of just said but it is Xmas and i cud of done with u paying me back and basically told her to stick it up her arse. Today I feel alot calmer but now I feel guilty about it. Like was I being unreasonable or shud I apologise. I don't actually think she's had any intention of paying me back and it was just the principal tbh. Yesterday wasn't the best of days and i don't know if I just took it out on her either way never got paid won't get paid and now I feel guilty x

How much did you lend her?
She sounds like a user, dont feel guilty, any decent friend would be mortified, she doesnt sound like she is, she’s a cf!

Never lend money if you’re not prepared to lose it.
That said, not much of a friend if she’s not honouring her side of the agreement.

Did you do all the requests and agreements in writing?

It was only 50 but I'm more upset that she didn't even try to pay me back or like just said she can't afford it lol I thort I was over it really til she messaged me yesterday n I was thinking to myself and u can fuck right off aswell haha think I was just having a bad day just wish I didn't feel so guilty about it now and I'm still 50 down but got rid of a user so it's not that bad but this guilt I'm feeling today over going so mad at her x

I wouldn't apologise. You shouldn't have had to ask for the money so many times. However I would now send a daily message requesting it to be paid back. And never lend money to anyone again.

Well it was over txt but deleted them all now x

She's already been angling to borrow more without having paid you back so she can bugger right off.

Please don’t feel guilty or upset with yourself - she should be the one feeling guilty for being a crap friend and taking the mick. Her implying she needs more - we’ll lucky you didn’t give in because that £50 loss could have been more - seems like she was grooming you to be cheekily fucked! In fact well done for calling her out and questioning her!

YANBU. Write the money off and reassess the friendship (although give some consideration as to whether she is seriously struggling and behaving in a way you wouldn’t normally expect her to).

Don't apologise to her. If she owes you she should have been updating you as to when it's coming in / if not why not etc

Yanbu,don't keep going over what you said in your mind op,it will keep bothering you .accept it's been said and either never have contact with her again and put the whole thing behind you, or ask again for your money.don't refer to your previous comments if you do contact her and don't let her use what you said as an 'excuse' not to pay.(sorry for all the 'don't s')😉.You were a kind friend and she has not been a friend to you at all.I really hope you get your money back.

Refer to your previous comments!

I don't think you need to apologise but I think you have kissed goodbye to getting your money. Your text will give an excuse to make her feel she's justified in not giving it back.

I always help if I can... but I wouldn't ever lend more than I could afford to lose which is sometimes nothing at all. I did have a friend I would often lend money to and to be fair she genuinely did need it but it became a thing where she relied on me and soured when I couldn't afford it one time and said no. She hasn't asked again but we aren't as close. It's a risk you take in friendships.

I think you were understandably annoyed but by not calling her and saying look I really do need the money, when are you going to pay it? And giving her a chance to say that she couldn't and see if it was something that you could for a friend understand before going mad by text at her - you're probably not likely to get it back now.

I can understand your frustration though and hope you aren't too gutted at losing the friendship

Your chances of getting the money back is slim to none now. In the future, don't loan money. It's usually a bitch to get back.

How long have you been friends for?

You’ll never get that money back now but you probably weren’t going to anyway.

Stop lending friends money, either give it as a gift you don’t expect back or don’t at all. And certainly nobody you’ve been close with for less than 5-10 years!

You can’t ‘borrow’ someone money, though.

@WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue

There's no need to be so pedantic. Communication is about getting your meaning across, and it was clear what the OP meant.

It's only cost you £50 to find out someone you thought was a friend is actually a sponging ponce. That's great value in my book. You should be pleased.

Thanks for the replies I don't feel as guilty now lol and there's always a risk u won't get the money back when u lend it. We wasn't even that close anyway so I'm not too fussed about loosing the friendship. Maybe I could of handled things differently but lesson learnt and thanks everyone x

I wouldn’t let this go.

I would probably text her and say you were upset yesterday and sorry for kicking off. However, you lent her the money in good faith and need it back before Christmas please.

Oh dear Christ my eyes!