Working mum, judgement from employee

[Spiceb]

I'd be really grateful for views / advice. I work in senior management role in public sector. I think previously well respected by managers and staff alike and also have reputation for being conpetent, dilligent, hard working.

I dropped to 4 days a week after birth of my daughter and dropped a level at work (my choice).

I work over my hours but have the standard challenges of working mum - ie occasionally (rarely) sick child means I need to WFH / leave early / can't do v late meets

Most staff fine but one of my staff (unmarried man, no children) is clearly not impressed and makes passive aggressive comments / rolls eyes when I have to admit I can't cover something on my non working day, or because of nursery drop off. Today was final straw - was questioned (politely but clearly questioned) about fact I have an annual leave day booked tomorrow (child's 2nd birthday, been booked for 12 months). I feel really upset because actually I pride myself on working hard, and I protect my team / staff, including this man, and take work off them to make their lives better. He's crushing my self worth and I feel like I now how to justify every minute of my day to him. Any tips on how to handle. Do I confront or do I just accept this is what happens when you move to part time?

I would confront him, tell him to mind his own fucking affairs, and if there's ONE more misogynistic, harassing comment, you will be filing an official complaint. Fuck this guy. Don't put up with this.

Confront! None of his bloody business! Say you don't care how he feels about it and you don't want any comments on it to pass his lips in your presence. Ever.

You're a senior manager and one of your staff is questioning you about your commitment? If he were your manager it would be bad enough, but this is someone who works for you, not the other way round. Everyone who matters knows you work hard (including yourself), and everyone is entitled to annual leave given reasonable notice. You do not have to justify yourself to him. It should be one of your management skills to be able to tell him just where he gets off without appearing to stoop to his level. To put it crudely, who the fuck does he think he is?

I'd be quite cross, not crushed.

I'd speak to HR about it, on an informal basis, and look at what the first steps would be in terms of management action such as a formal discussion with him about this behaviour. He has no right to question you about, your own manager is happy with your performance and if they had issues with your attendance or commitment then they'd raise it with you. He needs to shut his yap and mind his business.

Erm, no, confront. If you were getting full time pay and working part time and having loads of time off, I’d be pissed off with you as well, but that isn’t the case. Tell him to mind his own business. Annual leave is a legal right and if you have been granted it, you can do whatever you want. He sounds like a busybody.

Why do you need to explain to him your reasons for taking time off? He's not your boss; it's none of his damn business.

Thankyou so much! I've been in bits for a few weeks. Maybe I just needed to hear from somewhere that I need to tackle it, thanks for responding, all above.

Did I read he works for you? Seriously you don't need to justify anything to him, remind him of the that.

@Aquamarine1029

I would confront him, tell him to mind his own fucking affairs, and if there's ONE more misogynistic, harassing comment, you will be filing an official complaint. Fuck this guy. Don't put up with this.

This X a million!

Go Loco on him.. He's a cunt. You owe him nothing.

In fact, by attempting to justify yourself to him, you're actually allowing him to undermine you. Pull rank.

Make sure you document everything too so that he can't deny it. When he makes a remark note down what was said, where it was said, and who else was present.

I'd also have a casual chat with HR. Then go back to this guy and be clear you didn't appreciate his question and expect him not to question you further. Offer no additional explanation but any remarks from hereon, note in detail time, date etc. and discuss further with HR

Do not put up with his shit. And under no circumstances let him undermine your self-esteem. Stamp it out.

I would arrange a minuted meeting (do you have supervisions?) and pull him up on his attitude. It really is none of his business what anyone books their annual leave for - that would apply if he were your manager too, but the fact that you are his manager means you need to manage his attitude. Not just comments or 'eye rolls' to you, but any he makes to anyone else.
If he has a complaint about the way he is managed by you, then he absolutely has the right to take that up higher, but he does not have the right to make comments or roll his eyes at what you use your annual leave for.

Stop taking work off your team to make their lives easier and Google ruinous empathy / radical candor.

They will only value you as much as you value yourself.

You're sending the message your time is worth less than theirs and this fine specimen of a gentleman feels entitled to your time.

Do acknowledge what he is doing and turn it into a conversation where you are in control.

I've been there - been overly nice and had to sort out a team with similar issues.

He can't keep on like this though. When it's somebody you manage it reflects on you.

You’re his boss.

Remind yourself that you are in charge and then remind him.

It sounds like you’ve been too nice.

It’s nearly appraisal time of year, so you’ll have a formal opportunity give him feedback.

I totally missed the part about you being in management and him working for you. You need random people on here to tell you that is simply not on?

Thank you so much everyone. So much. Superloud I am off to Google that now!

What Aquamarine said! Don’t let him get away with this.

'Yes I'm taking annual leave tomorrow, if there are any issues x is deputising/I'll be on my mobile for emergencies only.'
There's your answer should he attempt to question you again. No justifying, no explaining, just the facts, and information he may require, should he need to access a line manager.
Don't take this shit op, he's your employee, you don't answer to him.
Radical candor is a brilliant book

Every eye roll, every comment say 'is there a problem Steve?'

Make him explain himself. He will either say something you can discipline him for or learn to keep his misogyny to himself.

He questioned you? Maybe a reminder who the boss here actually is, is in order.

I agree with what's been said.

Also, it's a common tatic, to make you feel incompetent, justify yourself etc. when someone is after your job.

You do not need to explain or volunteer reasons for time off/inability to stay late etc etc to anyone apart from possibly your immediate boss (and even then if it is about staying late no need to say why just state you aren't able to stay late that evening).

I assume he has annual leave booked? Question him on it. See how the prick likes it.

why on earth should you work on your non working day?

I'd be telling him what's what!