Violent Ex telling me he's in hospital

[thelaststraw123]

Ok, back story...

I split with violent ex after he tried to strangle me. I'm now living in a refuge and trying to be NC with him.

He's contacted me tonight saying he's been rushed to hospital as he can't breathe and he's scared he's going to die.

Told me he loves me and that he's sorry.

AIBU to just ignore it cos I feel it's another game to reel me back in?

Why do you still love him? He tried to strangle you :(

Stay strong. Just block the number so you aren’t tempted to respond. It’s a manipulative as fuck obviously fake tactic to get your attention, as others have said if he was “dying” he wouldn’t be texting.

Why do you still love him? He tried to strangle you

Easy to say when you dont live that life. Abusers are not like that all of the time.

Love doesnt stop in a nanosecond. And it takes time to accept that the man you love could be capable of doing that to you, you dont want to believe it. You want to believe him when he says he will never do it again.

Like any heartbreak, it takes time to get over.

Would you stop loving your husband/mother/sister/child in an instant if they hurt you? I doubt it.

My abusive ex got admitted to hospital and diagnosed with terminal cancer. Spoiler: except he didn't. It was all a way to try and make me engage.

Don't respond, and remember that it may not even be true. Mine had just gone to A&E, wasn't even admitted, it was all melodrama.

this is how abusers make you feel.DO NOT FALL FOR IT.this is how they thrive.makeyou love them cant live without them.who are yo uwithout them.etc etc.they strip you of you.they strip you of confidence.and then they hurt you.
people who love other people don't strangle them.dont even get close to.they DO NOT HURT YOU EVER.
think of someone you love.your parents.friend?dc?now imagine putting your hands round there neck and watch them choke/die etc.fuck no fucking hell no.feel the agony of doing that to someone you love.its doesn't happen luv.
don't go back.even if hes not dying.just don't go back.

Do not engage

Block his father's phone number and delete all records of it from your phone.

Let's assume that he really is in hospital for a sec. He is using his dad's phone, therefore someone is with him so that means you do not need to be, so you can safely ignore his text.

Can you change your mobile number? I’m in contract with EE and they let me as I had a valid reason. Took 5 minutes, no new SIM needed.

Arsehole. I agree you should block his dad’s number.

Expect the suicidal texts when this one doesn't work

Nothing left to live for....

Fuck off

Block this number. Ignore him. Move on without ever contacting him again.

Block his entire family if you have to. Now. Hope you've managed to get some sleep.

Don't delete the text. Evidence.

Sounds like he’s feeling sorry for himself and having a massive panic attack. Does he smoke a lot of cannabis? Do coke? So far, so normal.

now he knows what it feels like when someone tries to strangle you.

And that is exactly what you should text back. That and only that.

Then block his dads number and the number of anyone else you might allow themselves to be used as a go-between. In fact better still, change your number and go incognito on social media, taking only close and trusted friends with you.

It's probably not even true.

One of the oldest tricks to try and regain contact.

YANBU even if it was true you still should ignore him. The arrogance of this man to say he can't breathe and that he's scared he's going to die after doing exactly that to you is truest repugnant. He won't change and you are most at risk at this point do not in any circumstances contact him he is getting desperate and he is going to try anything to find out where you are. If a stranger in the street put their hands on you, and hurt you, and almost killed you would you rush to their bedside? If someone loves you they owe you more than a stranger does.

Do not reply.

Just block his ‘Dad’s’ number.

It would take every single ounce of self control I have not to reply (on here, unemotionally, I’d say with ‘I can only hope’ but having loved people who I shouldn’t have, I’d probably want to say something ‘nice’) but it’s FAR better you just ignore & block.

Keep at the forefront of your mind how you felt when he was strangling you. You could be dead...if you let him back into your life, there’s every chance that’s exactly what will happen. Every chance. They’re ALL ‘sorry’...it does NOT stop them being who they are.

Be strong. Ignore the message & block the number. In fact, you’d be better to get a new number yourself and only give it to people who wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire.

You can do this.

I would tell him it's karma and now he knows what it's like to be scared.

As everyone has said, please don’t reply at all and block his dad’s number too.

Do you have anyone there you can talk to? This has understandably upset you and it would be helpful to have someone in real life to help support you.

Take care. You deserve much better than this man.

Please try to change your phone number

Well done for having the courage to escape. You have made more progress than many of us, still worrying, planning, dreaming about being brave enough to leave. Please listen to everyone here, don’t reply to him. He has other people he knows to call on I am sure. Try to find a way to stop all contact from his parents too if you can. Even him making you worry is a control technique, stay strong. Xx

I know it must be hard - and you've done amazingly to get this far!
If you start to have doubts, have a look for similar stories. I've seen dozens - someone leaves their abuser, then suddenly abuser is in hospital/Is suicidal/has a terminal illness.
It really, truly is part of the script.

And on the 0.000000001% chance there actually is something wrong with him, it's no longer anything to do with you. You owe him nothing.

And I meant to add - While pp is right that he probably isn't in hospital at all, I wouldn't check. Abusers are manipulative, and wouldn't hesitate to fake symptoms or induce an illness to actually end up in hospital. Still nothing wrong with them, but it makes the sob story more convincing.
Try not to give him any thought at all.

It's not a case of simply detaching all the love you had for this man, love, and certainly abusive dynamics, don't work like that (for any thinking its crazy to love someone who hurts you).

Notify the police and send them your text. This is evidence of coercive control. It will be there then if you need it in future. Do not reply to him. Block his father s number and clearly he is with his father if he's using his phone!

Are you ok OP? How have you got on overnight?

Please let your keyworker know what he's done. Will you see her today?

Keep strong.

You are better off left alone from him to get on with getting over him, so get your number changed, it is easy.

If he had suddenly realised how awful he had been then he wouldn't be borrowing his dad's phone to text you from hospital while at death's door (ludicrous). He would be asking his dad to help him get treatment for his awful behaviour and he would leave you completely alone to recover yourself.

He's not doing that though is he? He's too busy putting a piece of cheese outside the mouse hole. He's in a Tom & Jerry cartoon trying to persuade you out to where he's hiding with a giant mallet.