To hate only being comfortable in a 'messy' house?

[Gamechanger12e3]

Name change for this but regular poster!

I live on my own in a small 2 bed house that i own. Ive lived on my own for 10 years (no kids or live in partner). For some reason no matter where I've lived or who ive lived with I've always been a messy person to the point of embarrassment!!
I'm not a hoarder of any sorts. I have no issues in throwing stuff out. But i never put things away when I'm done with it.
I'll keep taking things out to use them and not put them away until it gets unbearable and i have a mass tidy up and the house will be immaculate for a couple of days until the cycle repeats itself!

After some time of thinking about my ways Ive realised that when i do clean and tidy everything.. I feel uncomfortable. The room feels empty without all my stuff laying around. I grew up in a cluttered and disgusting home. My house is definitely nothing like that. Every room is well thought out from the wall pictures to the colour schemes. But the mess overshadows it!!

For example.. Ill come in from work and throw my coat/bag/post on the sofa when i get in. Then ill have tea and a drink and the glass will get left in the living room.. Then ill read a book and leave that on the sofa.. Then ill have a shower and get into my pyjamas and im too tired to tidy or have laundry/something to do so ill do that and go to sleep. The next day ill do the same. So by the end of the week the living room is cluttered! I'll do a mass tidy and the cycle will repeat!!

My desk at work is also a mess!! My car is a mess!! My handbag is a shit tip!

Anyone else suffer from this?? How do i change?

Id love to be one of those people in a spotless home.. And living on my own theres so reason i can't be! I just can't seem to change my messy ways!

If the day ever comes that i have a family of my own then i fear i would be living in hell and wouldn't cope!

Someone help solve this!

Why is it a problem if you live by yourself and are comfortable?

Doesn't sound like it's effecting your physical or mental health?

I think its the embarrassment i feel if anyone pops over unannounced. Or the lengths i have to go to at times to tidy if someone pops over with little notice!

Ive really noticed it in recent years whenever I've gone to other peoples houses last minute (dropping them off and invited in or emergencies or dropping somthing off to them on my way somewhere) that so many other people are able to maintain a level of tidy that i cannot!

It also sometimes does bother me when i look around at piles of stuff i can't be arsed to put away :(

Meh, my house is messy most of the time. It was before I had dd and now that I've got her it's just as bad. I clean, so it's not dirty just very untidy. I find comfort in not worrying myself over mess- sod everyone else!

I prefer the term clutter. I like clutter. It makes my home feel lived in. Decide how much clutter you are happy to live with. Sod everyone else. If you invite someone into your home and they turn their nose up dont invite them again
On the other hand, if you are embarrassed by the mess when you are in your own, its time to pull your finger out.
I like the lived in look Overly tidy homes make me itch.

Well you know what the problem is.

Just five minutes of clearing up before you go to bed each night will sort it. You need to discipline yourself.

(Says she who for once didn't clear up after dinner last night and DP's bloody brother whose house is immaculate came round this morning!)

Could you try a set period of time when you simply do things as you go along? Tidy away as you cook so very little clearing up to do, plump cushions and take out mugs etc from sitting room as you go to bed, get up and immediately shake out the bedding and plump pillows and open curtains, come down in the morning bringing dirty laundry and other bits and pop straight into the washing machine- and so on?

Also have a nice looking storage box in each room for papers etc that you need to sort or stuff to be put away so you can do your boxes once or twice a week.

Can you tell I’m tidy?

I hate clutter and mess in my home, and DH is exactly the same. I feel like my mind is chaotic if everything isn't tidy and clean.

But each to their own! I certainly wouldn't judge anyone else's houses. If I came over and your house was a tip, I wouldn't think anything of it.

Set a timer and just do what you can in that time. It's surprising what you can do in five or ten minutes. Make it a daily habit. Put some music on at the same time

Do your rooms have enough useful storage? I'm in the process of rethinking my furniture/storage needs/room layouts. Trying to make furniture double up e.g. coffee table with hidden storage, sideboard with mixture of drawers/cupboards/display surface. Means I can tidy up in a hurry at least and get everything back to its rightful place, out of sight

I'm naturally untidy so I feel your pain.
Sounds like you don't have too much clutter to manage at least.

This is totally me too!

You are so me!!

You are me too but we don't have visitors so it doesn't matter

Do you have any hooks and/or slimline shoe cabinet in the hall?

I used to be like this and then married and had 3 children- 5 people doing this in one house was too much even for me! I changed my ways

I always feel worried people will pop round unannounced! My house is never as tidy and clean as it is as when I'm expecting someone ever. Even though the house is generally ok and quite modern.

Try and scale things back so there's not so much clutter, so that if you leave things out at least it won't look horrible. If there's not much in the room anyway. Chuck / donate anything and everything you haven't used in 18 months. Then, when you've done that, see how you feel about getting rid of a bit more. Once you start, it gets easier. Having less stuff is nice.

I always tidy while dinner is cooking. Even if its just pasta heating on the stove - little 8 min tidy session.

Yes, I really struggle with this.

Are you me? I kondo'd my house once and while I would have been cool with someone popping in I actually felt lost.
I think I'm so used to having an inner dialogue saying I must tidy up, look at the state of this place that when it was immaculate my thoughts were numb.
I've reached a happy balance now. Clean bathroom, clean kitchen. No to dirty pots everywhere. But the rest.. I can live with it.

My mum is like you. I am the opposite. I grew up in a chaotic home that was clean but there was just piles of stuff everywhere. You’d have to clear a path to walk through/ find somewhere to sit.
Mum is the same now. I don’t visit. I find it too stressful. She has little money yet keeps buying more stuff —some to replace things she has that are buried under all her shite—
I experienced shame when other —normal— people visited as a child. My house is always visitor tidy.

I'm exactly the same only I have 3 young DCs but I was like this before they came along so can't blame them I have found I manage to keep things pretty much on the same level as I did before DCs arrived which takes an awful lot more work now but looks just as bad

Strikeout fail!

HeyToTheHo I'm the same as you similar upbringing and now my house is always tidy. I can't relax till it's done. right now I'm sat thinking about all the dishes in the kitchen that need to be cleaned.

I want to be able to be one of those people that can't chill out unless the house is tidy!

I have recently bought a few storage units in the living room and want to get a box or something for the living room to throw my crap in or a coffee table storage unit that i can throw my shit in. Then i can just go through that once in a while to return it to its homes instead of just having it 'out' in the middle of the room stressing me out!

Currently my living room is immaculate and id be proud to have someone pop in as its like a show home. But it feels empty and i can't quite feel cosy/comfy and settled.

Maybe its because i grew up in lots and lots of clutter? My mum had lots of kids and clutter. I used to say id never be like it which is why it bothers me so much that im turning out very much the same!

The answer isn’t more storage solutions, the answer is to get rid of some of the crap
Yes I’m looking at you Mum, who is forever buying more storage to them fill with more crap

Bare rooms are a fairly modern phenomenon. Look at older pictures and even small rooms have layers of shelves and cabinets, then seating and there is stuff on the shelves. People have always lived surrounded by the stuff in their lives hiding it is a very modern thing. The house doctor has a lot to answer for.

If I didn't have visitors coming regularly or partner and dd living with me I reckon I would do the same as you. Maybe invite people over more often as an incentive to keep on top of things.?

I used to be like this but I’ve 3 dc now and I’ve retrained myself to be tidy because everything would just go to shit. I can’t leave the house unless all the beds are made, sink cleared and all dirty washing in the kitchen basket. It would annoy my thoughts throughout the day. Tidy house=Tidy mind now.