To hate only being comfortable in a 'messy' house?

[Gamechanger12e3]

Name change for this but regular poster!

I live on my own in a small 2 bed house that i own. Ive lived on my own for 10 years (no kids or live in partner). For some reason no matter where I've lived or who ive lived with I've always been a messy person to the point of embarrassment!!
I'm not a hoarder of any sorts. I have no issues in throwing stuff out. But i never put things away when I'm done with it.
I'll keep taking things out to use them and not put them away until it gets unbearable and i have a mass tidy up and the house will be immaculate for a couple of days until the cycle repeats itself!

After some time of thinking about my ways Ive realised that when i do clean and tidy everything.. I feel uncomfortable. The room feels empty without all my stuff laying around. I grew up in a cluttered and disgusting home. My house is definitely nothing like that. Every room is well thought out from the wall pictures to the colour schemes. But the mess overshadows it!!

For example.. Ill come in from work and throw my coat/bag/post on the sofa when i get in. Then ill have tea and a drink and the glass will get left in the living room.. Then ill read a book and leave that on the sofa.. Then ill have a shower and get into my pyjamas and im too tired to tidy or have laundry/something to do so ill do that and go to sleep. The next day ill do the same. So by the end of the week the living room is cluttered! I'll do a mass tidy and the cycle will repeat!!

My desk at work is also a mess!! My car is a mess!! My handbag is a shit tip!

Anyone else suffer from this?? How do i change?

Id love to be one of those people in a spotless home.. And living on my own theres so reason i can't be! I just can't seem to change my messy ways!

If the day ever comes that i have a family of my own then i fear i would be living in hell and wouldn't cope!

Someone help solve this!

Never waste a journey. If you're passing the kitchen on your way to bed, take some cups. If you're passing the washing machine, stick the dirty clothes in etc. Just always question why your hands are empty, if the answer is "I have nothing to take through" then that's fine!

Are you only comfortable in a messy house or do you actually hate it?

Everyone is different.

My friends house is immaculate. She has 5 kids herself and her husband and I have no idea how on earth she keeps it like that.

Another friends house is cluttered but clean, her her husband and 3 children.

Mines a happy medium, there's toys and bits and bobs but it's clean and tidy and not too much stuff is aloud out at once.

I don't go to see my friends houses I go to see them and their children.

I've been to people's houses I don't know when I've taken dd to parties and tbh I don't care whether they've got dishes in the sink or stuff on the table or a pile of washing on the floor why does it matter?

Be happy with who you are OP. You shouldn't change because you think you will come across better to other people. You are your own person.

My mum says "if you don't like my house you are welcome to stand in the doorstep"

I cant stand people “popping around unannounced” and it’s something I would NEVER do.

@cl61reb has it right: when you get a cleaner you have to clear spaces for them to clean. I’m one of nature’s tidiers anyway, but knowing that the cleaners are arriving at 9 am the next day doesn’t half focus the mind.

@Biancadelriosback is right about the ‘no wasted journey’ thing. I try to do that. It doesn’t help that men appear to be blind to clutter.

I always, always wash cooking utensils before going to bed and put plates in the dishwasher. I can’t relax around dirty pans and old food smells. I find the ritual before going to bed surprisingly restful.

I absolutely cant live that way. My house is immaculate all the time. It feels great to walk into your home and everything is clean and neat. The same with getting up in the morning, sets a good day waking up in a neat space.

We are always tidying up. We do have a helper who does the deep cleaning every day, but every night we tidy up. My ds is only 2 and even he us learning to be tidy.

Dont beat yourself up. I was shocked to learn that some of the "far more immaculate houses than mine" (a good few of those about ;)) have very much lower standards on some of the things I think are important (bed changing and not polishing the toilet seat with the same cloth as rest of house for example).
Its a bit like Facebook what you see isn't always what you get!

What worked for me is making it easy for myself. I realised that eg I chucked the keys on the coffee table and the coat on the sofa because it was too much hassle to walk the few extra steps to put the keys on the console table and then go into the bedroom to hang the coat up. So I put up a coat rack and a key hook in the hallway, This way I can put stuff there naturally as I'm coming into the house and undressing. (Make sure the key hook positioned so that your keys cannot be fished out through the letter box.)

I also have a morning, back-home, evening and before-bed routine. So right now, I'm about to begin the morning routine (wash up after breakfast, dry the dishes, wipe the counter, sweep the kitchen, fold the dry washing, make the bed, clean the bathroom) and it is "messy" but it's obvious it's a very recent mess so I'd be ok with someone popping in unannounced. I live here and it's not a show home. After my routine, though, I'd be happy with even the landlord doing an unannounced inspection. (TBF I wouldn't be happy but the reason wouldn't be that my house is a tip - it's just that I value my privacy.)

What I like about my routines is that the house is always ready for whatever I fancy doing next. I want to cook? Great - all the pots and dishes are washed and ready to be used. I spontaneously want to invite someone over? No problem - the state of my house is not a source of shame. I want to dust and hoover? Cool - I don't have to deal with clutter and mess first so it's quick and easy to do. I just want to sit and chill? No biggie - as all the chores are taken care of. It's liberating.

Same here.
What changes things is me moving with H who is (was) much more tidy that I was so I felt I had to make an effort.
Just me on my own, I’m likely to revert back to my old ways

Strangely enough, at work, everything is spotless

It doesn’t sound that bad honestly, and I’m a clean freak.

I don’t think you need to make huge changes. The cups lying around are the only thing that would look properly messy rather than just a bit cluttered, so just work on taking them with you when you go to the kitchen. If you have to, hide some of your glasses somewhere inconvenient so you can’t let the ones you do have out pile up.

Leave books stacked on the coffee table instead of the sofa, and get a decorative tray for the coffee table that you can dump post on. You’ll still have the clutter around you, but now it’ll look like it’s meant to be there. If you don’t have anywhere to hang your coat and bag right now, make sure the coat is somewhat neatly folded and not just thrown.

You can have plenty of stuff around you and still look neat and tidy, it’s just about things looking like they belong.

Well you've identified some area you can prevent mess straightaway.

Get a hook in the hall; your coat and bag go straight on there, rather than strewn over the sofa. When you've finished eating, plate and glass go back into the kitchen. whilst in the kitchen, do the washing up.

Never leave any room without taking something that doesn't belong in there with you (book, bag, plate)
Never go upstairs without taking something with you (clean washing, ironing,) or downstairs without ditto (glass, dirty washing etc)

It sorts itself, really. Just never leave a room empty handed.

My parents were like this and I have gone totally the opposite. I cannot stand clutter or untidiness and my house is always immaculate. I felt out of control and smothered. Unfortunately my siblings have gone the same way as my parents, but there is dirt rather than just mess.

If it is making you unhappy living this way then just refrain yourself. Have a tray in the living room and just pop used glasses etc on that and just take through at the end of night. Have set days for certain tasks. Buy more storage if it is needed

Retrain yourself, rather than refrain

I think you are being a bit black and white - and a bit negative about yourself, assuming you ‘should be’ something else, or ‘less than’ other people, rather than thinking about what you have achieved (in life).

I would try - come in from work, relax for an hour, then do a timed ten minute tidy, get your tea or a cuppa, then relax some more. Compassionate self discipline. And invite someone in without doing a major tidy one time, see how it feels.

I also agree with Random, cozy your house up with warm colours on the walls, tonnes of pictures up, patterned curtains etc. Then the tidied state won’t seem bleak.