Is it just my kids who haven't got onboard with the things you're supposed to do!

[mincefuckingpies]

They aren't interested in baking. (This is probably because I am shite at it.) So making gingerbread and cookies is out; they'd rather just buy some.

They cried at Santa

If I tried to snuggle up in a blanket and watch Christmas movies with them, I'd be kicked and punched to within an inch of my life and after half an hour they'd wander off.

AIBU to think it's all bollocks, but a few toys and have done with it

well, you’ve clearly failed as a parent.
My dc are not really young either, and quite often pack hand towels as part of their swimming gear.
I have tried to explain the towelling system to them, but they just shrug and say “a towels a towel”

I'd have thought the people who should be embarrassed here are not the op but the people who are so pathologically literal that they are unable to spot exaggeration for comic effect even when it's hitting them on the nose, and who when called upon it say 'oh that was your attempt at humour was it.', implying that it's somehow the ops poor humour at fault. Helpful hint: even if someone's humour is not to your taste, if you fail to recognize it as an attempt at humour at all, it is your own comprehension skills that are at fault, not the person trying to make the joke. The po-faced, humourless self-righteousness on here is quite unbelievable at times.

Wow kids kicking their parents now not knowing what hand towels are. We seriously need to consider children's services intervention here

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN FFS

Yep. Hyperbole, exaggeration for effect, use of strong phraseology for emphasis - all massive mumsnet sins.

What you should have said, OP, is: how do I get my children (not kids because that's another mn no no) to comply with contemporary mores re #yulerulz4cools that apparently most other mners achieve with effortless ease?

Where am I going wrong with them that they don't want to lightheartedly toss flour and sugar and sprinkles around with me in the kitchen while baking cookies; pose for the perfect family Christmas card picture (all of us in matching outfits natch) in the Grotto; spend Christmas Eve snuggling under a blanket on the sofa before a blazing log fire in our Christmas pyjamas (earlier extracted from the Christmas Eve boxes I exhaustively sourced and curated for months) watching Elf while sipping homemade hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows; or go on a family tramp through the woods after church on Christmas morning, all of us in woolly hats and scarves getting rosy cheeks and building an appetite for Christmas dinner?

Don't feel inadequate, OP, none of the above really happens in any normal house, it's a fantasy promoted by tv and movies similar to the one that it always snows. And the snow is always the pristine, softly floating down white stuff never a howling blizzard mixed with golfball sized hailstones or sleet that immediately transforms into brown slush when it hits the ground.

Hyperbole is just as evil as the dreaded toilet brush.

DDIJ I put the hand towels in a yellow basket, the tea towels in a blue one, and the wash cloths in a purple one. Then if I need to ask one of the dcs to get something like that, I can say "Please bring me a hand towel from the yellow basket in the cupboard." This only took me ages to solve, after months and months of going through them bringing everything but the specific thing I was asking for.

mincefuckingpies My dcs are autistic, so any semblance of the traditional Christmas has flown out the window as they've gotten to their pre-teen years and the anxiety over holiday expectations increased. I suggest things or just do them myself (baking cookies, crafts) and wait for them to join in. Many times they will engage, but other times they're not interested or simply occupied with something else instead. It's taken me awhile to realise that I can have a nice Christmas, enjoy doing the things I love, even if the dcs don't join in all of it. They may not always enjoy making the cookies, but they certainly enjoy eating them.

Bloody hell Ivy, I am seriously impressed with your towel system. I am a slattern, my towels are not even sorted and catagorised in any way or form, they’re just all together in the drawer under my bed.

I love this thread. It has made me feel so much better about my lack of Christmas frivolities. I really cba and honestly think the dc can't either.

Win win and no more guilt!!

My dc cried at Santa, cried at fireworks, were creeped out by the easter bunny, never snuggled unless they were poorly, and even then they'd find the most uncomfortable position on me and then burn like tiny furnaces while I tried not to wake them. DD would barely let me brush her hair, let alone put bows and shit in it (disclaimer, I never tried, or wanted to) she shat all over her christening dress about 4 mins before we left the house. Need I go on?
They're quite normal teens now, and really rather lovely. Well, most of the time.
Don't stress op, your dc, along with mine, didn't read the instruction book in utero, that's all.
I've refused to make a gingerbread house since the spectacular tantrum of 04. Haven't looked at DH the same since

DS (2) does a mean peppa pig impression (throwing himself backwards without looking what he may land on) and popped my nose while trying to watch Jingle All The Way just now. Kids are violent!

Love this thread (well most of it) I said to Ds2 (27 years old) I was sorry we had never snuggled under blankets watching films drinking hot chocolate. He said that it sounded like 'a recipe for disaster'.
I was a primary school teacher and really enjoyed all the baking and glitter activities. So did the children. But it's so different at home.

I reckon facebrag and instagloat have a lot to answer for. Long live the perfectly imperfect Christmas

Loving 'Instagloat'