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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for advice regarding claiming benefits?

134 replies

5iveGoldRings · 14/12/2018 13:23

I’ll give the bare bones to make it shorter but happy to answer additional questions.

Been with DP 4 years.
We have 1 Ds and I’m 18 weeks pregnant.

We’ve never lived together - we live in the same street (it’s how we met) but have not blended families. This works very well for us. We both have 2 dc from previous relationships that live with us.

I started a new job just before I found out I was pregnant. Was told yesterday (a week after telling my boss) that I haven’t passed probation and they’ve let me go.

I don’t know what to do. I’m obviously pregnant by looking and am worried that I won’t find another job. I’ve enquired to join up with a few agencies but I live in quite a rural area and the only thing they can offer me at the moment is care work, which I’d be willing to do if it wasn’t for my SPD.

I’ve looked into it and I can claim maternity allowance from 29 weeks pregnant but that doesn’t help me in the meantime. I have some savings which were to supplement my wages whilst on maternity leave but it’s not nearly enough to cover all outgoings.
I can’t claim UC as I have more than 2 children.

What I’m worried about is if I put in a claim for JSA, housing benefit and tax credits would I be eligible or would they expect DP to be supporting me? His income is not enough to run two households and his ex wife has actually just stopped working so he has lost his child maintenance payments and is struggling himself at the moment, he’s using his savings to cover the shortfall in that, plus someone ran into his car and drove off, writing it off so he’s had to pay out for lots recently.

It seems to have been one thing after the other bad luck wise recently.

I’ve tried going into the job centre but they’ve said I have to do it online but there’s no option for my circumstances.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Graphista · 15/12/2018 14:54

I don't agree with the policy but the fact is the policy exists and op knew that before ttc her 4th with a man who isn't really a fully financially supportive partner and leaving a job where if/when she fell pregnant not only would she likely have not been sacked but she'd have had pretty good maternity terms.

Shocker - the world isn't fair and in the uk at the moment single parents are being treated like shit! This is not news to anyone keeping up with current affairs or even who uses SM which most do.

Turquoisetamborine · 15/12/2018 15:51

I don’t have time to read the full thread. Just claim new style JSA (not UC) along with child tax for your children. They’ll pay for the first two kids only but it will be some help. Once you’re 29 weeks pregnant you can claim maternity allowance (keep all your payslips, you’ll need them). You’ll be paid this alongside Mat allowance.

Claim for healthy start vouchers once you claim JSA and let them know when you’ve had the baby. Also claim for your council tax from the council. I don’t know if you’re in rented or not.

I’m not going to judge you on your separate living from your partner, that’s your business but I’m sure you know it isn’t that wise to have more kids with a man who isn’t able to financially support them but meh it’s happened now.

Sure you’ll be back to work when the baby is a bit older.

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 18:43

Op, You have £6k in savings and have proactively chosen to have 4th child. Could you possibly use your savings to support yourself and your existing 3 children through your 4th planned pregnancy and then return to work when baby here? That way you would be totally self sufficient with no need for the benefits system to support you at all?

AnotherEmma · 15/12/2018 19:33

Savings below £6k are discounted, people are not expected to completely wipe out their savings before they can claim benefits. Thankfully.

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 20:18

*@Graphista *
Shocker - the world isn't fair and in the uk at the moment single parents are being treated like shit!

Single parents are not being tested like shit. I'm a single mum to 2 DC's, have been for 19 yrs now. Work full time, planned my pregnancies , within a marriage ,had a career before DC's, still have my career to this day, always owned my own home even before DC's, divorced, bought my new post divorce own home, continued
to support me and my DC's independent of the state. And continue to this day. Never claimed any benefit other than child Ben and even lost that 4 yrs ago. We have had and continue to have a good & full life. I have had to sacrifice a lot personally but we survive without a benefit in sight ever. . Never got a penny, apart from child Ben and even that went years ago! . It can be done!

This country has provided me with full employment all my adult working life , although I have had to take jobs that I have considered beneath me at times.. However, they paid real actual sterling cash which i used to pay my mortgage and feed me and my children . I have taken my kids on holiday all around Europe. I've never been treated badly by this county in all my 50 yrs, equally I've never asked this county for anything in my 50 yrs, despite all that I have given back and paid in taxes.

One day I may need help, I'm not saying I won't but I've made sure it will be an absolute last resort when I've exhausted all I have worked and saved for us gone

Having kids and being a single mum is no barrier to success and self independence. It's hard, but it can be done. Whatever choices YOU make in this life they are ultimately YOUR choices. Stand by them and don't expect the nail you out when you get it!

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 20:21

Posted too soon. Fat fingers! Meant to end with with don't expect the state to bail you out. Rant over!

Graphista · 15/12/2018 21:42

Elizabethwoodville - wow that is possibly the most fucking "I'm alright Jack and sod everyone else" post I've ever read on here!

How the hell can you claim single parents aren't being currently treated like shit JUST because YOU never have been? What a narrow, blinkered view!

Take the OP'S situation - her 2 DC that are her 3rd & 4th children aren't going to be covered by the benefits system because of the 2 child limit. But her partner isn't affected by this rule and isn't even expected to cover half the costs of those DC.

The 2 child limit is trapping women in abusive even violent life threatening situations because if they leave that partner and their 3rd+ children are born after the cut off they're even more vulnerable financially. If the family is on UC then that's a joint claim where both parties are informed of any changes and so anyone in an abusive relationship is even more vulnerable than they were to financial abuse and unable to save to escape.

Those that have split since having children after the cut off are worse off than those who's children are older, that's putting single parent families - inc the children into serious poverty and even homelessness.

Already Lp are being expected to work in jobs with ridiculously long commutes and somehow find the money to pay childcare upfront and reclaim the money from the govt. Time for commuting and taking children to childcare isn't accounted for in the no of hours work expected to be fulfilled.

Men who have more than 2 children but don't live with them all though are not affected by such policies. And it is usually women the children live with and men as nrps.

Due to the cuts there's now very little support for single parents to return to work. College courses have been closed as have job centres and libraries and careers centres. Funding for training and education has been cut to the bone - student loans are counted as "income" ffs - BUT worse as I believe you lose £ for £ with student loan whereas with a wage you get to keep some! Actively discouraging people from getting more training/education. A huge sector for women used to be nursing but the bursary for that is now gone making it virtually impossible for any but those supported by either parents or partner/spouse to consider (and that will mean much fewer nurses in future too which is such a stupid decision I can't even begin to fathom!). The most basic IT course near me is 2 hours away & has few places. Most people have fairly ok IT skills but employers are expecting the most ridiculous entry requirements now and generally want a certificate awarded within last 18 months to "prove" you can do X y z on a computer.

Childcare support has all but gone - how are women supposed to work if they can't afford childcare? Not everyone can or even wants to be in a high paid job like yours - and we need as a society people in all types of jobs.

There used to be - when there were jobs centres - and specialist Lp advisors. They've all but gone now too!

Community initiatives that supported all families but were particularly helpful for Lp have also mostly gone due to cuts.

Sick & disabled Lp (like me) are having benefits claims rejected despite clear medical evidence of their conditions - often overturned on appeal as they're usually being "assessed" by blatantly lying assessors - not opinion fact, several cases of this have been proven. But while the appeals process is ongoing that's a family trying to live on no income. Hence so many relying on food banks, clothes banks - there's even BABY BANKS being opened now!

Benefits have been frozen so families are having to cope with rising prices with no increase in income.

In addition many jobs now involve shifts/hours not covered by childcare, don't offer set reliable hours/income (zero hours contracts) which are crucial when that's a homes only income.

Have you been completely oblivious to all that's going on in our country with regard to all this? That mothers are committing suicide, suicide rates generally have increased as a direct result of austerity policies especially UC?

And whatever you think about the parents, there's no good reason for plunging CHILDREN into poverty & homelessness.

As a 50 year old - just a few years older than me - people your age benefited from university grants, better employment & training prospects, cheaper housing etc

I've been a single mum almost 15 years, when I had dd I was married, healthy, had a good job with prospects. Then my ex cheated, we got divorced, I was a sahm at the time of the split but I was lucky enough to find a job relatively quickly, but I also went back to uni for a time full time and worked a part time job while doing that. Ex paid no maintenance for several years and when he did it was unreliable and very rarely in full. I got another job after finishing uni and while it was hard going and we weren't rich or anything we were doing ok. Then some twat ran into me at a red light crossroads and shunted me into traffic resulting in my getting hit from the side too. Car written off and ins value not enough to get another, me (not immediately apparent) ending up disabled as a result. All the stress led to my having a breakdown and having to give up work. I fought back health wise, the disability got diagnosed and at that time wasn't hugely debilitating but gradually worsening. Managed to get another job but various issues led me almost to another breakdown and at this point I stopped working again. My health is such I cannot currently even consider working.

Ever heard the phrase "there but by the grace of God"? You're where you are at least partly through LUCK not because you're better than others. Yet you still see fit to kick down those less fortunate than you. Not a pleasant attitude at all.

SimplySteve · 15/12/2018 21:49

Regarding the transition from DLA to PIP @5iveGoldRings I'd recommend visiting and posting on www.youreable.com/

SimplySteve · 15/12/2018 21:52

Great posting as always @Graphista

SimplySteve · 15/12/2018 22:02

Sick & disabled Lp (like me) are having benefits claims rejected despite clear medical evidence of their conditions - often overturned on appeal as they're usually being "assessed" by blatantly lying assessors - not opinion fact, several cases of this have been proven. But while the appeals process is ongoing that's a family trying to live on no income. Hence so many relying on food banks, clothes banks - there's even BABY BANKS being opened now!

From personal experience, twice, this is 100% accurate, fact. Don't forget Jacob Rees-Mogg thinks visiting food banks is "uplifting"...

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 22:34

@Graphista my point is if you don't rely on the benefits system at all, you will be fine.
I did not and so it is possible,. The OP in this case has chosen to have a 4th child. She knew the rules and made her choices. She changed jobs at a time when she was vulnerable.

She is happy to be in a relationship where they have separate homes and what seems to be very little financial responsibility for the other.

What in God's name has that got to do with me and the other tax payers???Why should we/I pay for that...I only have 2 kids as that's all I can afford. If you feel so passionately about this issue and support oP on her choice to bring a 4th child into this world when she has no job, hand over your own child benefit to Op to help her out with her soon to be 4 kids.

Sorry. What's that?? No chance?? ?? Wow, that's selfish of you, there's a woman here with4 kids and no job. We all need to hand our money over to her just as your suggest in your post. You go first! We are all in together after all!

What part of have more than 2 kids that you can't afford to pay for then don't expect us to pay for them are you not getting? OP 18 weeks with 4th ,she knew the score. She should have put plans in place before she got pregnant, rather that post on here after the event asking how she can get the max from the social security system. I'm embarrassed for her and you quite frankly.
As I said I am divorced, single parent for over 19yrs ,I'll say the same again, if you work you earn money and can pay your bills. I could never find it in my stomach to call on hand outs from the state while I'm
fit and able bodied.

Let me know when you have made a payment to OP, supporting her life style choices, and I'll match your amount. I'm here with my debit card ready to go!

Shepherdspieisminging · 15/12/2018 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilburforceRaven · 15/12/2018 22:43

The moral of this story is: if you want to have more than 2 kids, you really need to be quite well off, the system just isn't set up for large families anymore. As for men being able to sprog as much as they like, well, women also have the choice not to procreate with such a person.

Graphista · 15/12/2018 22:56

Thanks Steve - homeless twice & one appeal under my belt - So far! Dreading what will happen next!

"my point is if you don't rely on the benefits system at all, you will be fine." And YOU are spectacularly missing the point - people who need to claim benefits aren't doing so out of CHOICE do you really think people choose this shit?! No it's out of necessity.

"What part of have more than 2 kids that you can't afford to pay for then don't expect us to pay for them are you not getting?" What part of its not that child's fault are you not getting.

As for "you help her out then" - I'm not in a position to currently but when I was working, paying income tax (we're all tax payers of other taxes) I was happy for that to go to those in need. I also regularly donated to certain charities and continue to do what I can to try and get these policies that are punishing people for being poor changed.

No need to be embarrassed for me I've done and said nothing for that to be warranted.

I think you have though.

Why such hatred for people who've got it much tougher than you? Why the desire to see their children homeless and poor?

You've not been a better person you've been LUCKY.

You've not, based on your posts this far, experienced dv, poverty, lack of opportunity, serious long term illness/disability or had to support a child with illness/disability.

And you seemingly have little compassion or empathy for anyone who's circumstances through no fault of their own haven't been the easiest. That's embarrassing.

Graphista · 15/12/2018 22:57

Shepherdspie so sorry for all you've been/going through.

Pile of shit at the moment isn't it? With this govt?

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 22:59

@Shepherdspieisminging I agree with you completely. There are exceptions to every rule. The Op in this case hasn't mentioned any of the issues you have, that's not to say she has not suffered them. I do take your point and it indeed it must be a consideration. We simply don't know at this stage. Personally, I too hope one day to be able to discuss all the things I have been through as I do believe I will benefit from the peace it may bring in time. For now I keep going as that's all I can do and I have 2 children solely dependant on me so I have to keep going as there is no one else. If I collapse, my DC's are alone in this world and they need me and I won't allow that to happen. As you rightly say there is a story behind of all of us and ultimately shapes who we are.

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 23:16

@Graphista Not everyone can or even wants to be in a high paid job like yours - and we need as a society people in all types of jobs.

I'm not in a high paid job at all. Oh how I wish! I do however have 2 separate jobs running concurrently. My main job is 8:30am -5:30pm my second job is 6pm-9 pm both 5 days a week. I do
However have Sat and Suns off although I did try to find temp Sat work in the lead up to xmas but so far unsuccessful.

Shepherdspieisminging · 15/12/2018 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 23:28

@Shepherdspieisminging Thankyou. I know my limits and while I push them, I don't exceed. Not yet anyway. Thank you again.

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 23:32

@Graphista You've not, based on your posts this far, experienced dv, poverty, lack of opportunity, serious long term illness/disability or had to support a child with illness/disability.

Have I not?

ElizabethWoodviile · 15/12/2018 23:35

@Graphista I have 5 out of your 6 does that count?!

Graphista · 15/12/2018 23:55

I based my belief you have a high paid job on your stating you're not eligible for child benefit - the cut off for which IS quite high income. At £50k minimum for not being automatically eligible - that's a bloody high income to me!

"but bear in mind that the bad stuff finds a way to make itself known eventually. I believe it does so through physical health" I agree. My gran was a great believer in holistic health way before it was fashionable. She believed people that were prone to holding in their feelings too much were more vulnerable to things like cancer, heart attacks etc as I get older the more I believe she was right.

I did say based on your posts so far, I only listed 5 things. I'm sorry for anyone that experiences any of them but I find it very hard to understand why anyone who's experienced difficulties such as these themselves can't appreciate that people's lives aren't black & white, that shit happens and it isn't always easy to work yourself out of the shit.

ElizabethWoodviile · 16/12/2018 00:19

Graphista - my combined salaries put me over the threshold - just. I'm in that zone where I earn too much to qualify for anything but not enough to sleep well each night.

I base my opinions on my own experiences. I understand all too well what life can deal to a person. Believe me when I say life has dealt me much and I've lived/live it. I chose to handle it in a certain way and I won't be beaten. If I can do it and I'm nothing special , I don't see why others can't. It's hard work but it's rewarding. I suppose it depends on how hard others want to work to get where they want/need to be, despite what life has given them.

SimplySteve · 16/12/2018 00:22

Believe me when I say life has dealt me much and I've lived/live it. I chose to handle it in a certain way and I won't be beaten. If I can do it and I'm nothing special , I don't see why others can't

Are you really so ignorant? Maybe due to everyone being different perhaps, with intrinsic mental health issues pushing people from being completely ok sans therapy, to people committing suicide.

Graphista · 16/12/2018 00:35

Simplysteve totally agree.

The narrow mindedness is almost pinpoint tunnel vision!