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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for advice regarding claiming benefits?

134 replies

5iveGoldRings · 14/12/2018 13:23

I’ll give the bare bones to make it shorter but happy to answer additional questions.

Been with DP 4 years.
We have 1 Ds and I’m 18 weeks pregnant.

We’ve never lived together - we live in the same street (it’s how we met) but have not blended families. This works very well for us. We both have 2 dc from previous relationships that live with us.

I started a new job just before I found out I was pregnant. Was told yesterday (a week after telling my boss) that I haven’t passed probation and they’ve let me go.

I don’t know what to do. I’m obviously pregnant by looking and am worried that I won’t find another job. I’ve enquired to join up with a few agencies but I live in quite a rural area and the only thing they can offer me at the moment is care work, which I’d be willing to do if it wasn’t for my SPD.

I’ve looked into it and I can claim maternity allowance from 29 weeks pregnant but that doesn’t help me in the meantime. I have some savings which were to supplement my wages whilst on maternity leave but it’s not nearly enough to cover all outgoings.
I can’t claim UC as I have more than 2 children.

What I’m worried about is if I put in a claim for JSA, housing benefit and tax credits would I be eligible or would they expect DP to be supporting me? His income is not enough to run two households and his ex wife has actually just stopped working so he has lost his child maintenance payments and is struggling himself at the moment, he’s using his savings to cover the shortfall in that, plus someone ran into his car and drove off, writing it off so he’s had to pay out for lots recently.

It seems to have been one thing after the other bad luck wise recently.

I’ve tried going into the job centre but they’ve said I have to do it online but there’s no option for my circumstances.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
ViragoKnows · 14/12/2018 20:36

Belt up eh, Elizabeth?

Graphista · 14/12/2018 20:40

AnotherEmma as you know from our other conversations on here I do read carefully & think before replying. My experience with CAB is as described, I have no stake in that debate other than as someone who has gone to them on several occasions and been regularly mid advised - not just lack of advice but given wrong, out of date info that totally messed me up!

I don't think there has been benefit bashing on this thread, anyone who cares to can see my posting history and see I'm supportive of just about anyone finding themselves in a position of needing to claim benefits, people's circumstances change in massive ways, unpredictably at the worst times, but op has I'm afraid imo - and not just mine - acted irresponsibly as has her partner in not properly supporting his DC with op nor op herself. And to leave a good permanent job while ttc is poor planning. Particularly when the benefits system is currently such a nightmare!

Op is lucky in having a few thousand in savings, by the sound of it training/qualifications/experience in a well paid arena which hopefully will mean she can find another job relatively easily, certainly once the baby is born and childcare ready to put in place. Many women go back to work relatively soon after having a baby, no reason at present why op can't, as I said earlier quite possibly she can get some temp or maybe freelance work? And she's already said she's gonna look at reducing outgoings & Christmas is already sorted.

Original poster
5iveGoldRings · 14/12/2018 20:42

😂😂😂 who needs Peter Kay when you’ve got ElizabethWoodviile

OP posts:
Original poster
5iveGoldRings · 14/12/2018 20:48

@Graphista I don’t think you’ve been benefit bashing at all. You’ve given me some really good advice and a fresh look at what I can do and I thank you for it.

I am lucky in a way that I know I can easily walk back into a job in my field once I’ve had the baby - the nature and logistics of my actual job is weird and complicated and I don’t really want to say much more than that, but I went back after 4 months before and can do so again. I suppose I’m just panicking as it’s the here and now and whilst it’s easy to go back after, to be employed now for a project that I won’t see through to completion would be a big risk for an employer, which is why I’m willing to step outside my field in the meantime.

OP posts:
ElizabethWoodviile · 14/12/2018 20:50

5golds, I don't find potentially hungry homeless children funny but what ever floats your boat. Maybe ask MNHQ to move this thread to jobs section and rename it ' I need a job and quick' . You may get more favourable , helpful and ultimately more beneficial responses. Op, scoff all you like but I'm not the one on here asking for help with the benefits system, YOU are. My home is mine and my kids are have all they need and more. YOU are the one scrabbling around looking for benefits help, I suggested you get a job. Work is usually the best best when needing money. If you don't like what you hear your issue, not mine.

Graphista · 14/12/2018 20:52

That's a realistic & sensible approach op.

I know it's hard believe me but try not to panic it freezes the brain. I hope you're able to get sorted ASAP, but I do think you need to talk to your partner about him needing to step up better than he currently is. Too often women accept minimal support and cover the slack left by men.

Original poster
5iveGoldRings · 14/12/2018 21:04

@graphista I understand what you’re saying, but the defences are mine.

I know there are a lot of women on here blinded by their dp, but mine is a good man. He fought for years and paid tens of thousands in court fees to get residency of his children, and gave up a higher paying job to work as a taxi driver around his youngest Dd and her disability (this was before I met him)

If he were the higher earner and I came in here and posted a thread to say my dp expected me to pay half of everything even though he had more than double my income, I’d be told to LTB.
We work as a couple, and work well, and I put it down to how we live.

This is just a temporary blip, it’s 10/11 weeks out of my life that won’t matter in a few years time. Like you said thenpanic freezes you. I’ve not been in this situation before but it’s really not the end of the world.

OP posts:
ElizabethWoodviile · 14/12/2018 21:13

We work as a couple, and work well, and I put it down to how we live.

You are not a couple though are you as you live in separate houses. If you are a couple move into together and both step up to the plate. Then you won't need to claim benefits! Looking forward to your I've got a job post!

AnotherEmma · 14/12/2018 21:21

🙄

All these people saying "just get a job", I expect they've all got loads of experience of getting a job while 18 weeks pregnant and suffering with PGP? I bet they know loads of employers who would happily take on a pregnant woman, right?!

I'm sure the OP is doing her best to get a job but benefits exist to help her while she is looking.

Karley79 · 14/12/2018 21:30

You are entitled to help yes, ask the job centre to help you look for temporary work also have you been given reasons you failed your probation as if it’s because they found out you was pregnant you may be able to claim for unfair dismissal.
Feel out the online form and you will be asked on for an interview where you can explain. Your circumstances, ignore the negative comments life happens and if you need help that’s what it’s there for

Original poster
5iveGoldRings · 14/12/2018 21:40

Thank you (again) @anotheremma

Hopefully I can get some temp work but the PGP (I knew it was called something else now) is the only thing stopping me from doing care work or delivering parcels (I was going to apply to yodel but it’s in and out the car all day which is difficult)

I was on crutches for the last few weeks of my previous pregnancy but it seems to have kicked in earlier this time Sad

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 14/12/2018 21:43

I had PGP and osteopathy was a lifesaver
General advice here pelvicpartnership.org.uk

AnotherEmma · 14/12/2018 21:44

But I wouldn't apply for physical jobs, I would try for temporary admin work.

Original poster
5iveGoldRings · 14/12/2018 21:51

I’m booked in for some physio on the 31st but if it don’t help I’ll give it a go. Thanks 😊

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 14/12/2018 21:53

claim housing benefit and be upfront that he lives in a separate house because finding a house for 8 dc and a total of 10 people just isn’t going to happen

Original poster
5iveGoldRings · 14/12/2018 21:59

@ivykaty44 it’s not something I’m trying to hide. We live in a small village of 800 people where everyone knows everyone’s business. The woman who works in the councils dd is in my elder ds class at school. Couldn’t commit benefit fraud even if i were inclined to.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 14/12/2018 22:02

I’m not suggesting you are trying to hide anything from housing Benefits assessors - sorry it came across that way, but if you put that you have a partner and he lives at x address.

People can be malicious and report something that not happening iykwim

TheGlaikitRambler · 14/12/2018 22:15

You are not living together so are not classed as a couple for benefit purposes. I am sorry you have had such horrid replies on here!

WendyWoofer · 15/12/2018 02:51

At least you'll be able to stop paying child care fees, seeing as you don't work any longer. That should save you a fair bit.

Surfskatefamily · 15/12/2018 10:00

@5goldrings shes got 2 until she gives birth. Although if she wants to apply for tax creds housing benefit etc its nit much less than UC for the meantime

ViragoKnows · 15/12/2018 10:04

She’s expecting her fourth, I believe.

AnotherEmma · 15/12/2018 10:07

People are often very judgy when a woman on a low income has lots of children. Less so when well off women have lots.

It seems that only rich people are "allowed" to have big families.

ViragoKnows · 15/12/2018 10:09

Eh? I thought we were talking about claiming TCs v UC according to family size?

AnotherEmma · 15/12/2018 10:13

Yes and why do we think that policy was brought it... because people are judgy and the Conservative party turned that judginess into policy.

Sorry, it's slightly beside the point of this thread, but some people have criticised the OP for the number of children she has, and I think that's unfair. And a bit late for her to do anything about it!

ViragoKnows · 15/12/2018 10:18

Im not sure if you're talking to me, but im ‘the converted’ honestly! Smile