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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to put my foot down!

53 replies

Plopchops · 14/12/2018 10:29

For the first time in 8 years I have Christmas day just me, my DH and our 4 year old DD....I am currently 37 weeks pregnant so want us to have special family time with our DD before baby comes.

At my mum's boxing day this year, and MIL is coming the weekend before, everything planned, booked and paid for so I have been busy nesting and getting the house ready for what we had planned to be a nice relaxing break.

Cue text from SIL telling us that as promised she will be coming this Christmas with her 2 DC (4 & 8) and new DP who we have never met.

WTF....DH got the text, was quite shocked and I knew something was happening when he said "now don't stress"....

Apparently after a conversation with her MIL told her that it had been a while so would be nice....EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW OUR PLANS.

I have put my foot down and said a categorical NO! This Christmas is about my DD and I have planned it all around her. She has struggled with the concept of being a big sister and been quite clingy. She is excited about being a big sister but I know that it will be hard for her to share us.

DH is currently on the phone, it started quite cordially but now there are raised voices, I have just got a grovelling text from MIL apologising for interfering that I am ignoring it.

I would never dream of inviting myself somewhere, this is really quite stressful.

AIBU should I just let them come? Bearing in mind I don't currently have enough Christmas food on order for 8 people.

I just really wanted a special family day :(

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 14/12/2018 10:30

Just stick to your guns!
Who the fuck expects a 37 week pregnant woman to host anyway? Daft twats!

DorisDances · 14/12/2018 10:32

No,no,no....Just say the MN mantra - that doesn't work for us. Unless there is a back story you have a c.f. on your hands

UncommonName · 14/12/2018 10:35

Fuck no, they don't have the right to invite themselves family or not, stick to your guns YADNBU

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 14/12/2018 10:36

No way I'd be expecting a heavily pregnant woman with a small child to host, your DH will be too busy looking after you to host either. They are being CF's definetly!

Original poster
Plopchops · 14/12/2018 10:38

@7yo7yo I just heard my DH say, you know that she will be 39 weeks pregnant and hosting your family is the last thing I would expect her to do...

@DorisDances no realy back story, she says she is coming every year, DH reminds her we have no space so she will need to let us know and book a hotel early and she never comes...this time even though the only spare room we had is now a nursery she is expecting us to put her up in there...

They have been on the phone for a while, DH is not backing down and I hope he doesn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plopchops · 14/12/2018 10:40

Thanks all, we still wanted to have a love xmas dinner so have planned everything and we were actually so chuffed with our usual dysfunctional selves ha ha.

He even decided I will sit on a chair in the Kitchen and instruct him lol

OP posts:
LorraineBainesMcFly · 14/12/2018 10:40

YANBU!
Jesus Christ ate they really expecting you to host them without even being invited?!? And then tell you via text?!
Hope it works out OP- you DH hopefully sorts them out Xmas Hmm

SoyDora · 14/12/2018 10:41

I will be 39+5 on Christmas Day and we’re hosting, but that’s our choice and I’m looking forward to it! DH will do the cooking and family members will play with the 5 and 3 year olds.
How anyone can think that inviting themselves anywhere at Christmas, pregnant host or not, is in any way reasonable, I have no idea.

masterandmargarita · 14/12/2018 10:42

Sil is cheeky but I always struggle with the concept of special time before baby comes. First child has had the whole of her life so far as special one on one attention time

Weenurse · 14/12/2018 10:42

Stay strong

AnxiousMama101 · 14/12/2018 10:42

I’m 37 weeks pregnant too and we told all family in early October that NO ONE is coming to spend Christmas Day with me and my hubby. It’s a day just for us before little one is here. (Unless he decides to come early!)
You have every right to say no! CF!!

seventhgonickname · 14/12/2018 10:42

Keep on saying no,if this baby comes a bit early Christmas could be cancelled at short notice.Only if shes going to buy extra food,do all of Christmaswork so you can put your feet up and concentrate on dd would I consider it.

Original poster
Plopchops · 14/12/2018 10:47

HA HA Laughing at the thought of SIL doing any of what you suggested @seventhgonickname

She has never hosted anyone for anything, let alone Christmas. She gets MIL to have DC parties at her house and has never brought or contributed anything to family get togethers, this is a huge factor in why DH has told her NO.

I knew I would get mixed responses about my comment on making spending special time with DD before baby arrives but I have had a very difficult pregnancy and on several special occasions I was either in bed or in hospital so I want to make sure she gets family time with her mum and dad.

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 14/12/2018 10:48

If she says she is coming every year and doesn't then my guess is she's only coming this year because she has told the new bf that you have invited them all, really sold it to him and now she has to back track and she's embarrassed - brilliant, fuck her, she should be embarrassed, who begs for an invite to somewhere they aren't wanted even though it will ruin other people's plans and inconvenience a very heavily pregnant woman. Tell your dh to say "no, conversation over, scarlet for you, get some self respect, bye" and get off the phone

RoxytheRexy · 14/12/2018 10:52

Stay strong.

I have an Elective Section booked for Monday and I have still been asked by family if we are hosting Christmas. At 8 days post partum?! Erm no. Not st all. Who even asks that?

DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2018 10:53

Has your DH finished the phone call and reported back?

Original poster
Plopchops · 14/12/2018 10:58

Just had a sarky text from SIL:

"Hello, after a chat with my brother I have been informed that this year is not a good year for us to visit after all. I will have to try and arrange something else so my DC do not miss out on Christmas. Maybe next time it would be good to know if we are not actually invited"

My very diplomatic response, DH is proud:

"Hello SIL, i was aware of your conversation with your brother, we had discussed your text and decided as a family that given the short notice and me being heavily pregnant it just would be too hard to accommodate you this year. I must admit that I thought you would have assumed that being very close to my due date it wouldn't be a good idea, especially as first DD was 2 weeks early. Would of hated you to have nothing planned then have to of cancelled because baby came. Next year we away for Christmas, but lets catch up sometime about the year after, hopefully there will be no more babies to spoil your plans. Have a great Christmas :) xx "

OP posts:
CantWaitToRetire · 14/12/2018 11:01

Just amazed at some of the CF-ery I see on these boards every day. I'm so blessed that I don't have any inlaws like this, and I really feel for those of you that have to put up with the sheer cheek of having people invite themselves to your homes and expect you to put them up and feed them for days on end.

OP, glad to hear your DH is supporting you in this. The fact there are raised voices indicates she's not backing down without a fight!

Justaboy · 14/12/2018 11:02

Jezz thje fuckwittery of some people your just around the time you could give birth and she wants to come and stay?

You couldnt make this up, could you;?

hopefully there will be no more babies to spoil your plans.

Boggle;!.

CantWaitToRetire · 14/12/2018 11:03

Crossed post with your update OP. Well done for your victory, and your brilliant reply to your CF SIL!

OoohAyyye · 14/12/2018 11:04

"next time it would be good to know if we are not actually invited"

Well if you don't get an invite.....

How bonkers!

Snowwontbelong · 14/12/2018 11:05

I was due Christmas Eve and ils still insisted on coming. I cooked as usual. Dh did naff all. Also as usual.
Managed to keep legs crossed until NYE!!

brizzledrizzle · 14/12/2018 11:06

Your SIL is being incredibly stupid. Keep that foot down.

Grace212 · 14/12/2018 11:07

so she just assumes there's a standing invite every year? Confused

Italiangreyhound · 14/12/2018 11:09

Well done for sticking to your guns.