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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to put my foot down!

53 replies

Plopchops · 14/12/2018 10:29

For the first time in 8 years I have Christmas day just me, my DH and our 4 year old DD....I am currently 37 weeks pregnant so want us to have special family time with our DD before baby comes.

At my mum's boxing day this year, and MIL is coming the weekend before, everything planned, booked and paid for so I have been busy nesting and getting the house ready for what we had planned to be a nice relaxing break.

Cue text from SIL telling us that as promised she will be coming this Christmas with her 2 DC (4 & 8) and new DP who we have never met.

WTF....DH got the text, was quite shocked and I knew something was happening when he said "now don't stress"....

Apparently after a conversation with her MIL told her that it had been a while so would be nice....EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW OUR PLANS.

I have put my foot down and said a categorical NO! This Christmas is about my DD and I have planned it all around her. She has struggled with the concept of being a big sister and been quite clingy. She is excited about being a big sister but I know that it will be hard for her to share us.

DH is currently on the phone, it started quite cordially but now there are raised voices, I have just got a grovelling text from MIL apologising for interfering that I am ignoring it.

I would never dream of inviting myself somewhere, this is really quite stressful.

AIBU should I just let them come? Bearing in mind I don't currently have enough Christmas food on order for 8 people.

I just really wanted a special family day :(

OP posts:

DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2018 11:09

Maybe next time it would be good to know if we are not actually invited"

I'd be tempted to respond with "The clue's in the fact that we didn't send you an invitation?"

SnowsInWater · 14/12/2018 11:10

So glad to see someone here who can actually stand up for themselves 😊 Have an amazing Christmas with your DH and DD.

championquartz · 14/12/2018 11:11

Who invites themselves to someone's house for Xmas when you're 39 weeks pregnant? Ffs.

Glad you said no and your response was excellent OP.

purplecorkheart · 14/12/2018 11:13

Your response was excellent. Must confess that I would have brought up the fact that you never invited them.

I love how you told her she isn't invited next year either!!

Ozziewozzie · 14/12/2018 11:14

Excellent text response op. Couldn’t have put it better myself.
I can’t brlieve her shitty text to you. Why bother? She’d finisged conversation with her brother?? She’s clearly blaming you.
What a twat not organising her own Christmas for she and her kids. Poor kids. Is sis il 5???

At least now youve made it awkward for future years. Every cloud has a silver lining.

I totally get why you want Christmas with just you dh and lo. It’s our plan too.

newrubylane · 14/12/2018 11:16

"Maybe next time it would be good to know if we are not actually invited"

Surely the lack of any invitation might have given this away? (Or are we all now obliged to phone round everyone we know to inform them that they aren't invited round for Christmas?) And surely the telephone conversation she has just had fulfils the criteria of letting her know that she is not invited?

RunningFeisty · 14/12/2018 11:17

"To assume makes an ass out of u and me, SIL!" (I'm very blunt. Ha,)

MumW · 14/12/2018 11:19

Maybe next time it would be good to know if we are not actually invited

CF with knobs on.
Who the f*ck thinks an invitation from a third party is acceptable without checking with the volunteered hosts.

Don't worry, if we're offering to host Christmas in the future, we'll make sure you are fully aware. In the meantime, probably best to assume we aren't hosting unless you've recieved a specific invite directly from us.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/12/2018 11:20

Very cheeky of her, why doesn't she go to her mums for Christmas Day?

Original poster

Plopchops · 14/12/2018 11:24

HA HA loving all your responses. She has not responded to my text but then she is not the sharpest tool in the box so may not get how passive aggressive it is!

DH took day off work today to come to an appointment with me and is not on the phone with MIL telling her he will not be made to feel guilty. It transpires that MIL is going on a Christmas jolly with her bridge club friends so suggested SIL come to us so as to not feel guilty.

At 41 it is about time SIL does her own frigging Christmas dinner.

MIL got an earful from DH.

OP posts:

Tinty · 14/12/2018 11:25

Very cheeky of her, why doesn't she go to her mums for Christmas Day?
^ ^
This

Although maybe she asked to and that is why MIL volunteered you!

feelinglikeashitmum · 14/12/2018 11:27

Glad you stuck to your guns OP!! And well done to your DH

BookwormMe · 14/12/2018 11:29

Great response to her text but I would've been tempted to reply: 'Exactly when were you invited? Because we don't recall ever inviting you!' Your MIL is a CF too for telling her she should just rock up at yours.

blackteasplease · 14/12/2018 11:34

I'm with all those saying they would reply "the clue is in the fact you weren't invited".

What a crazy situation.

I also loathe people trying to make plans for me for Christmas (and otherwise).

But at 39 weeks that's crazy. You might not even be pregnant by then!

Toooldtocareanymore · 14/12/2018 11:36

So really sil had no intention of coming to you at all until MIL informed her she was not hosting her, you have to laugh really. Though since sil thing is to assume invited unless you actually tell her shes not, I think you should get in there now say ' as promised' you'll be there for lunch at 3pm on Easter Sunday or whenever next big holiday is.

Original poster

Plopchops · 14/12/2018 11:44

Neither I or DH remember ever inviting her. Last year on Boxing Day SIL made a comment about 'Oh we will have to come to yours one Christmas', DH remembers saying something along the lines of "lets see" but usually we are either at my DM or his so it was a rather large assumption!

OP posts:

Jaxhog · 14/12/2018 11:44

Good that you stuck to your guns, and that your DH has your back!

Good luck, and have a great Christmas.

CleanBee · 14/12/2018 11:46

Maybe next time it would be good to know if we are not actually invited

This is my new favourite line, I'm going to start showing up to people's houses at random times and see how far I get

BobLemon · 14/12/2018 11:52

SHE’S 41!?!? 😱

AlessandroVasectomi · 14/12/2018 11:57

Fully behind you on this. There are special times in life that can never be repeated: when you were just DH and you, when DD was born and you became three (until you got used to the change), and now about to have another baby and wanting to enjoy the special time as a family. We’ve had 4 babies (now all in their 30s), each with their special times and if I could go back and have just one day of each of those special times, I’d give anything!

Ignore your guilt-tripping SIL and enjoy your little family unit during this never to be repeated special time. I hope all goes well with the birth and I wish you every happiness.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 14/12/2018 12:07

I haven't spent a Christmas with my parents or my siblings since I was 21 years old.

4bloody1 tell her to get a grip!

I'd also have said to her well sil no one actually did invite you and as it is now 10 days before Christmas we would have thought you would already have your plans in place especially as you haven't mentioned anything with time for us to plan to accommodate 4 extra guests so I'm finding it very hard understand 1, why you thought you were invited and 2, why your getting the hump that we can't accommodate you.

HopeHopity · 14/12/2018 12:11

Guns. Glue. Stick to them 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

MatildaTheCat · 14/12/2018 12:16

‘Oh, just one more thought, for the avoidance of doubt, in future if we invite you over we will send you an invitation. HTH.’

LoudBatPerson · 14/12/2018 12:38

Oh my we have had a whole host of different people join us over the years for Christmas.

Does this mean I should phone round them all to inform them we are not inviting them or will I end up with 100 people turning up on the day.

On a serious note though, well done for not caving into the cheekiness of it. If anything everyone should be making less work for you to do, not more!

Sexnotgender · 14/12/2018 12:46

I will have to try and arrange something else so my DC do not miss out on Christmas

Yes as their parent that is indeed your job you CF.

Why would the DC miss out on Christmas if they don’t come to you? Is she incapable of sorting stuff out for herself?

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