To think this relationship is an utterly depressing tale of selfishness

[itsgoodtobehome]

So, the story is that my Mum (DM) has a friend. Friend's daughter had a long term boyfriend, and a few years ago, they went down the usual path, got engaged, got married. DM went to the wedding.The marriage lasted less than 3 months, as daughter of mum's friend (DOMF) suddenly upped and left her husband. Nobody knew why, and the family were very upset for a while.

It then turned out that DOMF had been having a long standing affair with her boss (starting before she got married), who was unfortunately married with 2 young children. After she had got married , she realised she had made a big mistake and was in love with the boss man, so left her new husband.

They dilly-dallied around for a while, trying to stay apart, but eventually they couldn't fight it, and boss man left his wife and young family to be with DOMF.

Both couples get divorced, and DOMF and boss man get married. DOMF then of course decides she wants children. Problem is, Boss Man has had the snip, as he was obviously clearly content with the family he previously had. So he goes for a reversal.

For whatever reason they still can't conceive naturally, so they go down the IVF route. About 5 or 6 rounds later, DOMF eventually gets pregnant, and has now just had a baby.

So, mumnetters, is this a tale of true love overcoming all obstacles, or just a totally sad and joyless tale of 2 very selfish people who didn't care what lives they destroyed as long as they got what they wanted?

I should add that this has absolutely no impact on me, but as a wife and mother with a young family, it just makes me terribly sad to hear stories like this. The ex husband, ex wife and 2 young children all affected by their actions.

My cousin has just left her husband of 9 months. Everyone thinks she's a flakey mess and she should have tried harder. He was abusive behind closed doors and the final straw was her waking up to him penetrating her one night. He said he was trying to win her back. She has never told a soul outside of a few close family and friends. You really really don't know what goes on

I might be a bit strange but to me it's a wonderful tale of triumphant love in the face of adversity. The bit at the end where they'd finally conceived had me welling up slightly....thanks so much for sharing. It's stories like this that warm the heart.

Actually it's so good I'm going to play 'Against all odds' - the original Westlife feat. Mariah Carey one.

Seriously? There is a Westlife and Carey version of Against All Odds? Alexa!!!

Life is short better to be selfish and be happy long term

@anticlockwatcher exactly what I thought. Triumph over adversity.

Life is short, so it’s best not to fuck it up by being selfish and screwing over those you made vows to and those to whom you have a duty of care.

@bernina I think clockwatcher was being sarcastic!

I think they did the right thing. Sometimes you can’t help who the heart wants, and if that person is married with 2 kids then it does sound like tried to fight it (by marrying someone else) but in the end true love reighned. A bit like that film The Wedding Planner, where the guy and aforementioned WP fall in love while in other relationships. It’s a crap film though.

“Lives been destroyed” is a melodramatic phrase you use. A life is destroyed because of rape, murder, severe injury etc. In this case the lives have altered thier original course. Neither good or bad. Now the children have 2 mummy’s and more siblings than they would have had!

Try looking at it with glass half full attitude.

I know far to many adult children of broken marriages who admit it has affected them to be so sanguine zippey.

*itsgoodtobehome

I don't know why you are jealous, or of what, or even if you are, but the way you talk about this woman having 'got what she wanted' in a very bitter tone, suggests that. Or sour grapes. Or just nastiness.

How do I know I am older? Because you mentioned you had a young family.

Given my DCs are in their 30s, and I had them when I was in my 30s, I think it's pretty much guaranteed I am a lot older than you.

Sometimes you can’t help who the heart wants, and if that person is married with 2 kids then it does sound like tried to fight it

That’s the way children think. Adults are supposed to think with their heads. ‘Tried to fight it’ isn’t good enough. I’m not sure the children that had their family torn apart will be entirely sympathetic.

Cheating is always unethical, there's no question about it.

I know far to many adult children of broken marriages who admit it has affected them to be so sanguine zippey. It’s not that simple though. While staying together is predominantly the best outcome for children, the manner in which the parents separate is also a huge contributing factor. E.g. parents who separate and continue to co parent effectively the children are less likely to be deeply affected by it than say parents who separate and who make their feelings towards their absent ex known, or where one of the parents forces their new lifestyle on their children, or just disappears out of the picture.

Even situations where parents separate in order for one or the other to pursue a new relationship will have a different impact dependent on how that happens. It’s a bit of a fantacy to hope that the children will always see the departing parent for what the left one believes they are, esp if the marriage wasn’t black and white to start with. I know adults whose parents split where one parent cheated and continued to flaunt the new girlfriend in front of the children, essentially wanting to turn them into a parent figure overnight where the children grew up hating them for it. Similarly though I know people whose parents split where there was a third party involved and where the now adults have an excellent relationship with the leaving parent and the new partner they left for, and will even say they can see that their parent was far better suited to the OM/OW than with their other parent.

My own dad came from a broken home, his dad was a bit of a swine, came back and forth and left when he was about seven and he says that the fact that no big deal was ever made of it means he has no thoughts about it one way or another and that it really hasn’t affected him.

Well I come from a “broken home”. At the time I was sad my parents weren’t together, but now I realise that it’s better they split.

Children survive all sorts of traumatic experiences, from moving house and schools to war. Parents divorcing doesn’t have to be traumatic depending on how it’s dove. Also it can be a good life lesson for them on how relationships can work.