What the hell is up with me?

[anitagreen]

Not an Aibu as such but I seriously need some sort of advice here, I've posted over in mental health but I feel I cant really get what I want to say out and I'm just looking to see if anyone's had this or no what it bloody can be?
I've always had an up and down life a few things have happened etc in childhood and teen years. Aware I've had anxiety for the past few years but always been able to manage it, seems to flair up badly around my period used to tail off but seems like it doesn't these days. Also been having intrusive thoughts that I was able to shake off, except one major one that left me in fear for about 8months until I started treating it as OCD "pure o" and seem to be getting over it now, ( if you've made it this far thank you). But the last few months I haven't been myself, I've been more anxious, my head is constantly on the go with thoughts and worries, I feel a bit down majority of the time but I do have some days where I feel myself and my heads not as full and mindfulness has helped a lot, however now I'm left like this and I don't know if it's all the stress I've had from that one thought that's caused my anxiety to be so bad or if it's something else? I've googled mental illness's and can't match myself as such to anything other than anxiety and maybe this OCD. I have a doctors appointment booked for Monday and CBT starting soon as I'm aware I need to sort this out as I'm unhappy.
But has anyone ever experienced this and got through it with or without antidepressants?

Also having issues with bothering to eat low energy etc I'm wondering if maybe I'm depressed because off it all

Sorry to hear that you are having a bad time. How old are you?

I'm asking because you mentioned time around your period being particularly bad.

I could have written this - I had full blood work done - my Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D we're both seriously low. Might be worth your while checking. I ended up getting injections and am on supplements - I can't tell you how much better I feel. I thought I was losing the plot mentally....

I'm 25 x

I agree, B12 and vit D helped massively with a bad bout of anxiety recently, alongside a magnesium supplement.

Well done for going to your GP, I hope you get some answers.

@frogmarchheaven this is what I'm looking to hear honestly because I wouldn't say I'm depressed, tbh I don't work as I'm a sahm so I'm with the kids every day, on my own majority of time I don't exercise as such but I'm going to ask my doctor to run some tests as although I know I have anxiety but this constant worrying and feeling so shit has got to be the cause of something x

The answer to one of your questions is yes, the things you write about are common, really common.

My therapist of a few years ago gave me some hints as to how to cope with certain things, and blow me I realised that I have seen others doing the same things! Like walking through town quickly , with a phone at the ear. I always assumed that people were talking to someone. I've asked around now...… not always! It is a way to feel less conspicuous, in some way. And it can work. But anyway, the feelings are common.

CBT can be very useful. Your reluctance to use "pills" is understandable. And if the time is right, deciding to throw them away can be a positive step. No-one can say what os right for you.

The main thing I have found helpful has been to be busy, and busy in situations where you are around others. Easy to say. In deep depression, washing two mugs can be an achievement to write down!

You are not alone. Anyone who has been there, and it is a lot of people , knows that. Giving advise is bloody hard..... so consider yourself hugged.

@BifsWif thank you I was taking a 5HTP think it had 50mgs in but I've noticed no difference at all, I have had a tough year mentally but who hasn't? Nothing major has happened at all except this phobia I found & non stop worrying that I'm going insane

I’m in the same boat. I mostly feel miserable and run down / suffering badly with anxiety and low mood. I have a baby and toddler so pretty exhausted most of the time. I feel a bit lost without the routine of going to work while on mat leave. I feel like most people have no clue what I’m going through or can understand it.

Blood test is a good idea. I’m not keen on taking anything and am on a waiting list for cbt. I self referred online through nhs and I have to say the lady I spoke to made me feel worse. Wish I had never bothered. It felt very much like ticking boxes.

No advice but interesting to hear what other people think.

@KayM2 thank you for the reply it's just so irritating one minute I'll be calm and not happy but just okay, then the next littlest thing will tip me upside down and I seem to not be able to get over it at all for ages, alcohol also doesn't agree with me which is a shame as I do love a drink but I've stopped all that and still nothing. I get myself so worked up and scared that there is something wrong with me mentally, I mean tonight my husband said I cannot go on like this anymore do I need to be sectioned? As I was trying desrpatly to tell him how I feel and he panicked and said the way I've been acting the past few weeks he's scared to leave me on my own. But I'm not suicidal or anything just stressed with this crap going once

You don’t need a reason to be feeling low, and I completely understand what another poster said about being home all day with children and missing work.

Somethings that have helped me are the Headspace and Calm apps, doing yoga, propanalol and a CBT book from Amazon. Currently waiting to see a counsellor, I tried citalopram but the side effects were awful.

Anxiety is shit

This is what I'm afraid of I'm willing to try antis if I need them but atm I just don't want to that is my last call, but I don't know how much longer I can go on like this every day not knowing what mood I'll be in, what I'll be worrying about today I've had enough of it. I don't get out as much at all with the kids and I don't see anyone really anymore which is a shame, but that's just how I've got used to my life. I was good when I was in a routine with nursery etc, but my kids aren't back until January.

Anita green, I’m sorry to see that you’re going through such a shit time.
Maybe try and eat something, when you are in the depths of despair it’s very difficult to look after yourself.
You are important and deserve to be treated well.
Intrusive thoughts are very hard to deal with and if you have one that stands out then for some reason that one fucker ends up being the most important one.
Yes I’ve been through shit like this and I didn’t have anti depressants but I used alcohol and that’s not a way I’d ever recommend.
CBT was very helpful to me, just changing the neurological pathways in your head.
You matter and you are important so try and have some food, I find talking out loud to my self helps. Very loudly, in fact shouting
I hope you find the help you need

@Prestonsflowers thank you for that, I've always been able to think okay that's just a thought but this anxiety got so bad an awful around the time I read about something awful, and straight away my brain latched in fear and it's been like that for 8months. I could cry now at the relief now it's gone and I know it won't happen to me an it never was going too but it really fucked my head I feel for all this time. And part of me wonders am I feeling this way now because emotionally and mentally it's really worn me down?x

@FLOWER1982 same as me I feel all over the place like as if I don't know if I'm coming or going. I love my kids and my husband to bits but I just don't even feel close to anyone sometimes as everything seems one big struggle. X

If you've had traumatic events happen in your life then please, please look up complex PTSD.

Instrusive thoughts, anxiety, feeling alone - all classic symptoms.

I suffered with MH for years until I finally got my diagnosis of complex PTSD. Wasn't depression, wasn't general anxiety - but still struggled so much. The diagnosis Changed my life!! I realised it wasn't my fault.

I might be projecting but I recognise a lot of how I felt with that you've said.

Mid twenties was a fucking horrible age for me, mental health wise. Serious anxiety, grinding numb depression, weird sense of dread, and fear I was going mad. It did pass, and so far my 30s are so much better.

The things that actually noticeably helped (apart from waiting for time to pass) were...

Running 3x a week, outdoors. Had never run before so did nhs couch to 5k podcasts to begin with, and found I loved it so just kept going. It helped me feel capable and gave me headspace away from everything, plus when I felt like I was so weary I wanted to die, feeling my heart and lungs working hard to keep me alive made me feel like my body was taking care of me even though my head was mashed, and that was really reassuring and consoling (swimming in cold sea gives me the same feeling, but it’s a bit bloody chilly for that in December!). I had pretty much stopped eating because I was so anxious, and running meant I actually felt hungry afterwards so started eating better again, then as my distances increased I knew I had to eat if I wanted to get through the next run and suddenly I was gaining weight and enjoying food again.

Good talking therapy. I was referred on the nhs and seen within 2 weeks (I think they had me pinned as a suicide risk) and it was really brilliant. Did 8 weeks, not cbt, I think maybe person-centred psychotherapy? Anyway, counsellor was great and some of the conversations we had still help me in tough moments now, years later.

Mindfulness meditation. Even when it made me feel silly.

Hope something there helps. I really do think intensive cardio outdoors is way more life/sanity-saving than we realise.

Hopefully CBT will help you understand more about what's going on. I think trying to find a diagnosis online could cause more distress?

really weird I've just googled b12 deffiency and it feels like I've found the cause I'm hoping it's this anyway and can be fixed thank you so much to all of you for helping me tonight. I honestly feel so excited now for my gp appointment to finally see if this is it. I'm aware it might not be but I'm hoping it is this.

There are anti anxiety meds as well as antidepressants, it may be that they suit you better. Definitely ask for blood tests and an MOT to check for any deficiencies, including thyroid.

anitagreen
I’m really pleased that you’re looking forward to your appointment with your GP and that you may have found some reasons to explain how you are feeling.
From the responses here it’s very clear that you are not alone.
We’re all just doing our best thing, we’re only human, after all life and very scary stuff can get in the way.
I wish you well for your future. Always remember that you matter and you are important

@Prestonsflowers
It really means a lot and I hope you know that about yourself too, after all we're all human and deserve to feel good and loved etc although sometimes it honestly doesn't feel that way when i'm so anxious x

anitagreen
I think I’m much older than you and I’ve learned that I really quite like my self. It took me a long time but I realised I’m a good person
Anxiety can really mess with your head and lead you down paths that are not helpful. CBT May help you a lot

@Prestonsflowers I really hope it does help it's just been so hard but it's been the not knowing of what's causing all this that's been worse, the constant thoughts the constant stress the ups and downs of my mood etc. It's been awful x