What the hell is up with me?

[anitagreen]

Not an Aibu as such but I seriously need some sort of advice here, I've posted over in mental health but I feel I cant really get what I want to say out and I'm just looking to see if anyone's had this or no what it bloody can be?
I've always had an up and down life a few things have happened etc in childhood and teen years. Aware I've had anxiety for the past few years but always been able to manage it, seems to flair up badly around my period used to tail off but seems like it doesn't these days. Also been having intrusive thoughts that I was able to shake off, except one major one that left me in fear for about 8months until I started treating it as OCD "pure o" and seem to be getting over it now, ( if you've made it this far thank you). But the last few months I haven't been myself, I've been more anxious, my head is constantly on the go with thoughts and worries, I feel a bit down majority of the time but I do have some days where I feel myself and my heads not as full and mindfulness has helped a lot, however now I'm left like this and I don't know if it's all the stress I've had from that one thought that's caused my anxiety to be so bad or if it's something else? I've googled mental illness's and can't match myself as such to anything other than anxiety and maybe this OCD. I have a doctors appointment booked for Monday and CBT starting soon as I'm aware I need to sort this out as I'm unhappy.
But has anyone ever experienced this and got through it with or without antidepressants?

Oh and as you mention your periods, look into hormones and imbalances aswell as your B12 and VitD.

I am convinced that hormones play a part with me but there was no way I was going to take medication to help with them. I think now I am older and it has been a good few years since my last child that they have settled.

So sorry you are having a tough time OP, I felt similar to you earlier this year and finally went on to antidepressants in August, I hadn't wanted to take them but a low dose of Sertraline has saved my life, I feel 100% better and the intrusive thoughts and anxiety have gone.

I'm not going to comment on everything as others have given good advice, I'd just like to pick up about you not going out.

I didn't suffer with anxiety or anything when my kids were tiny BUT I had to go out every day or I would have gone stir crazy. I know it's a vicious cycle and you probably don't feel like going out but I think you need to force yourself.
Investigate groups. Sure start used to do stay and play groups that were free. Maybe they, or things like that, still exist where you can meet other mums in the same boat. Just meeting up with others to have a good moan and a general chat will help. Go out in the evening if you can reconnect with old friends? It will help even if you have to make yourself do it to begin with.

As someone who avoided medication for years as I didn't want to do 'pills', the relief I got when I started antidepressants was life changing. Just throwing that in as for me it's what made the difference.

Hope this thread helps

@GreenTeacup a lot of what you said I can recognise myself in I'm glad you are doing so well, atm I feel normal again and myself no anxiety or thoughts bothering me, but I'm now worrying when my period is next due will I go downhill the next 10 days, I think it's just the thought of being controlled as such by OCD for the rest of my life but of course it won't be like that, it's just hard sometimes to not think like that lol x

Thank you everyone for all the comments, I am going to try and get out more and weirdly enough my best friend who I hadn't seen for over 3 years messaged me out the blue last night and it's really made me feel happy, I can accept I will always have up and down days but it's just finding how to not dwell on things and also not get myself so worked out, the anxiety seems to of subsided since this Wednesday but I'm just worried again it'll rear it's head and get worse before my period I keep reading about PMDD and I recnoise a lot of myself in that, so that's another worry. But I will speak to the gp on Tuesday and tell him everything this time and see what he thinks X

Hi Op I have had ocd pure o since teens
It began during puberty and can often been worse during my period.
CBT helped significantly and also educating myself on ocd (reputable documentation not just google forums) also improved how to process them. Accepting you are having the thought and allowing it to come (as scarey as it initially sounds) significantly reduces the anxiety around it, the more you try to suppress them the more power they have.
My method is ok I’ve had this distressing/upsetting thought I acknowledge how it made me feel but I also recognise it’s just a thought and not real and actually means nothing.
You will also be suprised how many other people are have the same thoughts however because they don’t give them attention they do Not have the anxiety surrounding them leading to distress.
I have also used a very low dose of fluoxetine in the past in order to reduce my anxiety and help me get to a place I was able to work on my OCD. OCD is a neurochemical problem in the brain and when it affects your life I greatly believe you shouldn’t be worried or ashamed about medication. If you had any other physical medical condition you wouldn’t think twice about taking medication.
Il will find a piece of research on Intrussive thoughts I have read and found reassuring.

@Pearlgrey1 hiya I can accept now they are just thoughts but at the time it did frighten me so much and as I've been googling about it all I've found more about it, I've been saying to myself when the thought does come ah it's just one of them silly thoughts again and then I move on from it without no fear or anxiety and I've actually been coping so much more better for it. So hopefully if I continue doing this instead of fighting it and getting so distressed over it it should all just calm down I hope?x

Hey hope everyone is ok just thought I'd update well I ended up having two brilliant weeks and now I feel flustered and anxious and overwhelmed again my period is due in 7 days, still haven't had any bloods done but I've ordered supplements which I need to pick up from the post office. Hope everyone is well x