What the hell is up with me?

[anitagreen]

Not an Aibu as such but I seriously need some sort of advice here, I've posted over in mental health but I feel I cant really get what I want to say out and I'm just looking to see if anyone's had this or no what it bloody can be?
I've always had an up and down life a few things have happened etc in childhood and teen years. Aware I've had anxiety for the past few years but always been able to manage it, seems to flair up badly around my period used to tail off but seems like it doesn't these days. Also been having intrusive thoughts that I was able to shake off, except one major one that left me in fear for about 8months until I started treating it as OCD "pure o" and seem to be getting over it now, ( if you've made it this far thank you). But the last few months I haven't been myself, I've been more anxious, my head is constantly on the go with thoughts and worries, I feel a bit down majority of the time but I do have some days where I feel myself and my heads not as full and mindfulness has helped a lot, however now I'm left like this and I don't know if it's all the stress I've had from that one thought that's caused my anxiety to be so bad or if it's something else? I've googled mental illness's and can't match myself as such to anything other than anxiety and maybe this OCD. I have a doctors appointment booked for Monday and CBT starting soon as I'm aware I need to sort this out as I'm unhappy.
But has anyone ever experienced this and got through it with or without antidepressants?

I'm in a similar position to you. What made me sit up was the fact that it gets much worse around your period. Definitely go and ask for a blood test before you think about anything else. Pls let us know what the results are.

@frogmarchheaven I will do it's like as soon as I wake up I'm in panic mood of what I'll be like etc, I feel really nervous some times and no idea why

Also here to recommend a magnesuim supplement. It's all but stopped my anxiety. It calms down the nervous system.
If I stop taking it my symptoms re appear within days

@Russiawithlove what one do you recommend? I was low in vitamin D and I just started taking them again this morning.

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this 😪. If you don't mind I would like to follow this thread as I feel the same....especially around time of the month x

@Abkbjbjb welcome it seems there's a lot of us, I am pinning my hopes on lack of b12. But I'm not sure what else it could be x

I take magnesuim citrate from Holland and Barrett. Citrate is very good to absorb into your system.
Any brand is ok but I'd stick to a citrate.

I've battled with anxiety all my life. Had beta blockers and was given anti depressants.
I was so upset because I knew I wasn't depressed.
I did a lot of research and came across a magnesuim website. It's actually called natures calming mineral.

I took it thinking I had nothing to lose. Within 10days I was a different person.
In the UK the health profession do not view it with importance but in the US and the rest of Europe it's routinly included in blood tests.

I truly believe the UK has a shove anti depressants at them attitude.
It's an expensive blood test and unless you pay for it the NHS just won't do it.

It all sounds exactly what I wanted to hear because I don't want to go on antidepressants as I'm not depressed don't get me wrong I do have low moments, but I think it's where I've spent 8 months every single day worrying about the same one thought. I'm just hoping it's nothing more I can't even think back to how I am some days a month I get that badly overwhelmed and the anxiety is that bad it feels I've got to make a decision on the spot of what to do? If that makes sense. I'm just going out now with the kids so will pick up some stuff as I've tried rescue remedy, was pants, I've tried kalms was awful, I've taken my vitamin d tablets today and I feel my old self again just calm but not to worried if that makes sense x

I'm just hoping this isn't PMDD and I don't go back to my old self for them few weeks anmonth again

Anyone else?x

Bump

I'm the same ages as you and I have struggled with this- for me it was hormonal and as a result of birth control. Not sure if this applies to you but if there's been anything over the past year that would change your hormones, it can make you feel this way. It takes a long time for hormones to 'settle', or to move on from stressful events. Don't forget time is a healer!
Would also recommend blood tests as thyroid issues can cause this, or vitamin deficiencies.
Magnesium and multivitamins can help. Heard a few people have had success with St Johns Wort (never tried it myself - worth a read though). If you feel panicky, speak to your GP about propanalol. Evening primrose oil or agnus castus are supposed to be good for hormones and PMDD - not sure if they would work, but sometimes a placebo is what you need to help your mindset.
Good diet and exercise has also really helped me, even though sometimes it feels impossible. Having a strong routine and keeping yourself busy provides a distraction from intrusive thoughts.
Hope you feel better soon- these things pass x

Hi OP, I've struggled with a lot of the things you've mentioned and also have PMDD.

I had 5 years of brilliant therapy (psychoanalysis) which really helped but I was still suffering to some extent so it clearly has some biological or neurological cause in my case. My blood tests always come back fine but I've recently been looking into Asperger's. I never imagined I could be autistic but another thread about obsessions got me reading about autism in women and I actually tick most boxes. Maybe have a look at that.

I just wanted to say, re what I've read above, I also took magnesium citrate but it gave my constant urgent diarrhoea so wasn't viable! What I do recommend is upping your dose of 5HTP as 50mg is very low. I take 200mg a day, maybe try that.

Thanks for the new replies I've tried to pin point and think exactly what is causing this but all I can think or say is that in the last 8 months I have got bad, it's like very up and down but I think it's the intrusive thoughts causing the moods and anxiety, not sure if it's OCD. I think it's where I've spent 8 months obsessing about this one intrusive thought causing myself so much anxiety and fear when all this could of been avoided I don't know, I just feel very lost as to why I've got so bad, like I'll have a few good days a month and feel happy and I can just accept the thought and pay it no attention, and then it's like the thought will come and the anxiety will ramp up, very weird x

When I was in my twenties I had intrusive thoughts - two distinct types of intrusive thoughts. I would push them away and never felt able to deal with them. Sometimes they would fade for years but when vulnerable and in certain social situations they would come back with a vengeance. I eventually came to understand that I was judging myself for underlying the thoughts was a great sense of shame. The thoughts related to a couple of incidents when I was young and I thought I was ‘bad’ - weirdly my adult self judged me as bad but I was not. I wasn’t bad just deeply ‘sad’ and there was no need for me to keep punishing myself with childhood memories of something that really wasn’t much of anything really to condem myself about.

I started to learn to keep myself ‘safe’ and became better at not allowing people to create a sense of anxiety in me. Ultimately a renewed confidence, doing things to improve my wellbeing - walking and listening to music helped. Even doing extra housework to burn off the anxiety helped. Being more purposeful, cutting out things I did not want to do and ‘taking back control’ of my life in small and big ways helped me to understand myself better, created a stronger identity and empowered me.

I’d had a traumatic upbringing and now I have fibromyalgia. I get another singular intrusive thought these days but it has nothing to do with an event from the past. Instead it is an irrational fear which I challenge. It is just a thought I tell myself and I challenge it. It never quite leaves but I have a handle on it.

I understand how distressing mental health issues are. Get all the help you can and try to be aware of the social contexts that may bring the thoughts to the fore. It may be that by identifying when the thoughts are particularly painful that you can address the situation to change some of what is happening.

Xx

I wrote earlier but just to also mention that my DH has OCD with one particular intrusive thought that has plagued him since we met (and others before that). He had therapy for 18 months which only helped a little but he's changed to a new therapist and has been so much better for the past 6 months. It's much more under control so we're both a lot happier as his intrusive thought involved me and it was unpleasant for us both. So, yes, you can absolutely get this under control without medication. If CBT doesn't work for you, there are other talking therapies that might help if you can afford to pay privately. Psychoanalysis worked really well for us both.

I struggled with anxiety in the past, i always felt like i was on red alert. I'm very, very careful about what i eat and drink because i just can't stabilise with any up and down ie caffeine or sugar highs or lows. The last time I had caffeine i was vomiting with anxiety. Of course alcohol is a huge no no for me too.

@SierraSmythe that makes a lot of sense I think I'm scared to consider having OCD incase I'm like this forever with thoughts, I mean when they pop up now I can calmly say ah it's one of them silly thoughts again and I can move on from it without being anxious, but this is the first time in 8 months I've been able to do this x

I'm in exactly the same boat OP, it sucks and makes you feel like your going mad. I'm 23 (almost 24), autistic with comorbid generalised anxiety and OCD. It's always horrific around my period as well. In the past week I've managed to convince myself that the guy I'm in a complicated relationship with hates me before I visited him, he doesn't and in actuality has decided that he quite likes hugging and I'm a good sized teddy bear (I've not seen him in 6 months so he was very huggy). This week I've managed to work myself into a state about meeting his family and how to behave while visiting, and again that he hates me really. When he is actually insisting on meeting the rest of my family and is willing to travel essentially from one end of the country to the other to do so and use several of his limited days off so he actually gets to spend some time here instead of using it to visit his own family.

Sometimes we're our own worst enemies and catastrophize when left to our own devices. Have you heard the expression 'an idle mind is the devils playground'? Because for me that's what OCD is to me.

I'm here if you want to talk.

I was on antidepressants for awhile and they made my life so much easier. I had rare side effects so had to stop taking them but honestly a life changer if you can take them. Right now I'm working on distraction, pain killers, sleeping tablets, diet and exercise, and when the thoughts are too loud I binge watch shows, listen to music, bathe for hours and if you can't cook, eat snack food, order in and buy multivitamins.

Your normal doesn't need to look like everyone else's. Some days I can't face getting dressed, but I make sure to change my bra, underware, socks and pjs and brush my hair and teeth. If you can only do one of those do it and build it up. Sometimes you need to take a step back.

Hi OP, this is quite hard to share but I hope I can help you in some way.

I am 38. I had my first child at 21. At the time I had what I recognise at PND. It was undiagnosed for 12 months and my anxiety was 24 hours a day. I couldn’t control it, it affected my work and home life. I had more hospital visits than I can remember as I felt physically like I was dying. When I finally realised that it was PND and went to see a doctor, she dismissed me.

A few months after this, I was at an event where somebody mentioned food allergies and someone said something that triggered a lifetime of food phobia in me. Over the coming years, I refused to eat peanuts/nuts, did not eat out at all (I rember one occasion we went to a restaurant and when they bought the food out, I had to leave). I spent hours deliberating over ingredients. I would not eat anything with extensive ingredient lists or stuff I hadn’t tried before. I couldn’t go abroad as I wouldn’t be able to eat. I avoided friends and isolated myself as eating is such a social thing. I haven’t had any medication unless it has been forced down me. In short this phobia controlled my whole life for over 15 years.

Then a couple of years ago, I ended up in hospital as I had a serious infection that developed because I didn’t take the AB’s offered by the GP. That’s when I knew that I had to work to stop this.

It hasn’t been easy. I started off by telling people about my phobia. Saying them out loud kind of have them less power. I still do little rituals when I try something, lick nibble then swallow but I am fine with doing this because at least I am trying them.

Because the initial phobia started with nuts/peanuts/hazelnuts I have avoided these at all costs but just this week, I was alone in the kitchen and the kids hazelnut spread was there and I dipped my finger in and tasted a bit. I didn’t even have a panic attack after. It is like I have accepted that even in the rare event of something bad happening, it’s even rarer than I can’t then do something about it. This is the first time since I was 21 that a form of nut has knowingly passed my lips. (Of course I was thinking what if I have made myself allergic from not having them all these years ) but I did it!

I want to try a Ferrero Roche this Christmas as they used to be my favourite but I don’t know if I will be able to or not. The fear just takes over right at the moment I think about eating it.

I have learnt so much about myself though over the years. I have learned not to fear anxiety or panic attacks. I have learned that they are my bodies way of telling me I am stressed and to listen to them, meditate and breathe. I count myself lucky as some people do not have these pre-warnings and then end up having break downs. I wouldn’t accept drugs in labour and hypnobirthed which was lovely. I have become so attuned to what my body is doing that In my last labour I was able to tell the MW that I felt the baby had his arm over his head while still in the birth canal and that I needed to shift. The MW was gobsmacked when baby arrived hand over face.

I also believe that the phobia was my bodys way of streamlining the anxiety. I began to function normally in other areas again. The panic attacks and extreme anxiety stopped after a couple of years. They only rear their head now when I am under extreme stress and act as a pre-warning to slow down.

It has taken over my life to an extent but I don’t try and hide it and the power of the thoughts is lost as I don’t try and hide it anymore. It’s kind of accepted as a “quirk” now.

It is OCD characterised by the rituals to avoid the fear of whatever you are trying to avoid. Therefore CBT treatment is an option. I have kind of been doing this myself over the years but I could have got there a lot faster had I had a supportive GP who was capable of recognising my symptoms.

Anyway I hope by sharing this that I have helped in some way. I know that I am still not over my phobia but I have learned to accept it and even see it’s benefits (lovely birth experience)

I know how you said that you was scared of being like this forever with your thoughts and I know that my post has backed up this fear but I should say

I got no medical help and should have done.

The anxiety subsided a long time ago. The thoughts do not prop up because I avoid the phobia. I manage it as opposed to having it take over my life.

In my strong moments I confront the fear and this has greatly diminished the phobia. I lived on lettuce and potatoes for several months in the beginning.

My niece was born with severe allergies and you would think that this would snap me out of it seeing someone who actually suffered from my phobia.but it didn’t and this made me realise how deeply it ran. It’s not silly it’s real and no amount of dismissing the phobia as such helped me treat it. In fact the more I told myself I wasn’t being silly the more I kept to myself - big mistake.

On the bright side, I have no phobia of spiders (I just wouldn’t eat one )

Was being silly - not wasn’t

My DP has pure O OCD. Sertraline and CBT initially provided him a toolkit to manage in the day to day - he did a version of exposure therapy to build his resilience up. When he came off Sertraline, things got bad again and he's finally found stability with Fluoxetine and a wonderful relationship with a (private) psychotherapist who has helped him address the underlying causes of the OCD. He's been incredibly stable for over a year now, and the year has thrown us some big curve balls.

I know it's such a difficult time before treatment kicks in, but it is so definitely treatable.