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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend just bailed on me...

114 replies

Driana555 · 12/12/2018 19:54

I have an 8 week old daughter. Spent all week preparing mentally to leave him to go on my work do which is tomorrow night. My friend who was meant to have my daughter for me has just bailed, at 19:45 the night before saying she has a cold. Fair enough I can't argue with or be annoyed at that... AIBU though to be really gutted that I can't go? I've paid £40 for it which is a lot to lose at the moment and was just looking forward to my first adult meal in weeks. Even bought a lovely outfit to cover my postpartum wobbly bits. Why am I so upset? I could genuinely cry. It's pathetic. Literally have nobody else to have her this short notice.

Gutted... :(

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 12/12/2018 22:43

Absolutely do not take your baby to the works Christmas do. It's an adult event. I can't believe people think this is even remotely OK.

SlowlyShrinking · 12/12/2018 22:47

I think it’s fine for the lunch bit for an hour or two? Then the others can carry on and the op can go home. I wouldn’t mind if I was a colleague

Original poster
Driana555 · 12/12/2018 22:49

I'm just not going to go. I would take my baby but not when someone clearly has a big issue with it and another colleague was told no to bringing hers also. Trying to to get too upset about it. Probably need to get used to it now I have a baby!

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 12/12/2018 22:51

I would mind very much but us women are under huge pressure to act like babies are fascinating, and to hold them while the mum or dad eats.

I don't like small babies, they put my nerves on edge. It's hard, and I've been there, but becoming a parent does mean accepting changes in your life.

Mummylife2018 · 12/12/2018 22:54

But what if you were EBF?! Massively unreasonable of your colleagues/Boss

Original poster
Driana555 · 12/12/2018 22:55

I would mind very much but us women are under huge pressure to act like babies are fascinating, and to hold them while the mum or dad eats.

I've never been put under pressure to be fascinated by a baby or to hold one whilst someone eats! How strange!

OP posts:
poppiesallykatie · 12/12/2018 22:58

I know you could probably explain to colleagues or even be brazen and just bring the baby to a lunchtime works do, but that's probably not the point, you just wanted to be baby free for a couple of hours... and at 8 weeks old you had someone you trusted to look after her, so you were feeling good about it all. I understand your disappointment. You may still be feeling even more emotional than normal about things and 8 weeks into it, just need a small time out. If my babysitter had cancelled I would rather not go than bring my baby even if it wasn't a problem..

I feel so sorry for you OP, it can be a lonesome time, I have no suggestions bar for you to get a night out organised over Christmas when your DP is at home to look after him, something you can look forward to; or a night out with your DP where your friend, if feeling better, can take him for a few hours. A new goal, a new date and reignite the excitement for something else.

Mrsoh39 · 12/12/2018 22:58

I would happily hold your baby for you while you ate, it's not like it's in the evening is it, ss op, I wish I could help.

SlowlyShrinking · 12/12/2018 22:58

I’m not particularly arsed about babies, but I can tolerate being in the same pub as one. Especially if it meant my colleague was able to have the meal she’s already paid for.

U2HasTheEdge · 12/12/2018 23:00

I love babies but would not want one there at a work do. It is an adult event. I am glad you aren't considering taking the baby.

I am sorry OP, it is really shit Thanks

Original poster
Driana555 · 12/12/2018 23:00

Thanks all.

I'm not going.

What can I do with an 8 week old that'll make my day more interesting and me less sad about missing the do?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/12/2018 23:02

Meet up with the other colleague that has a baby in the same pub 😜

U2HasTheEdge · 12/12/2018 23:04

But what if you were EBF?! Massively unreasonable of your colleagues/Boss

Then you simply decline the invite. It is perfectly acceptable to make a work party an adult only event . It is not slightly unreasonable to not want children there.

That means people who are EBF won't be able to make it but that is just life.

I do have empathy for the OP. It sucks when you are looking forward to something and plans change, but her boss and colleagues are not unreasonable.

Sweepington · 12/12/2018 23:04

Could you:
Get the bus somewhere new (more relaxing than driving)
Go to a gallery or museum
Go on a country walk

Sorry these are a bit lame OP. What if you is some of your interests and that might help.

I have an 8 week old and our life is very tame!

Mrsoh39 · 12/12/2018 23:04

RandomMess has the answer Grin

Original poster
Driana555 · 12/12/2018 23:09

@U2HasTheEdge I already had a disagreement with my manager over this as she brought her 3 week old to the Christmas do last year and has an issue now this year with me bringing mine. (It was a very minor disagreement where I simply reminded her that nobody had an issue with her having her baby there).

BUT. I am not the sort of person to just turn up with a baby when it's been made clear it is adults only, regardless of how I feel. That would just be so awkward so yes, I agree that taking baby would be the wrong thing at this point.

OP posts:
Thesmallthings · 12/12/2018 23:11

I'd go shopping for some new shoes or make up to go with my dress which id be planning to wear on another night out that id be planning when dp was home.

What are you into? Museum are good one, nice meal some where? Swimming?
New pjs, snacks, new movie and take out.

Thesmallthings · 12/12/2018 23:12

Ohhh having just read your last update I would be really angry at that. The cheeky cow.

Original poster
Driana555 · 12/12/2018 23:13

I think I was just looking forward to some company that wasn't just be or my DH. Might see if there's a group or something I can go to...

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/12/2018 23:14

If it’s not far from home I’d consider messaging and saying your childcare has fallen through so you’ll come for a quick drink just to see everyone because you miss them. I would be fine with a tiny baby turning up to stuff. I wouldn’t be fine with leaving a tiny baby with someone I didn’t know. I took my similar aged babies to a couple of fairly big half day meetings at work (with permission of the boss) and it was no bother to anyone.

U2HasTheEdge · 12/12/2018 23:15

That changes things quite a lot OP. If the boss brought her baby along last year then she has a cheek to say yours can't come this year.

OriginallyfromLA · 12/12/2018 23:15

Are you in the SE? I'd be more than happy to help out! No childcare qualifications but an experienced mum :)

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/12/2018 23:15

Ah, I agree your manager is a cheeky cow. Presumably her baby was the best baby ever, so it was more interesting than yours?

ilovekale · 12/12/2018 23:16

That would really annoy me big time. So she could bring hers but you can't bring yours?! That's ridiculous

Original poster
Driana555 · 12/12/2018 23:18

Yes it's ridiculous! But there's another mum there who can't bring her baby (thankfully her DH can look after her) and I wouldn't want to turn up with mine and rub it in so to speak. I don't want any drama or stress...

OP posts:
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