To ask if you taught your children never to hit back in the playground?

[Toomanycookies]

Curious really.
I've always taught mine to not hit back but the ones do hit back seem to be left alone afterwards and this like mine seem to face problems throughout .

[JennieP77]

I've always taken the line that two wrongs don't make a right and so no, never hit back, go and find a teacher. Having said that if it's self defence and you are being hurt then a big shove and run to a teacher is probably required. I have been lucky, my kids haven't been bullied (yes occasionally picked on but not bullied) so I understand that other parents may have had to take a different line. I think good use of words can be far more cutting than a punch or slap but that's a real technique!

[ladybee28]

DP and I disagree on this one.

He's of the 'hit back twice as hard' school of thought, whereas I see it as an absolute last resort.

The approach I've always used myself, which worked beautifully for DSS the other week, is to act totally nuts and call as much attention to what's going on as possible.

I've always told DSS "You can tell them twice in a normal voice to stop hitting you, and then you go completely nuclear. You make sure everyone in a mile radius hears you and pays attention, and you act in such a crazy way that they're scared because they don't know what you might do next."

If you're in true physical danger, by all means fight tooth and nail. But if not, there are much more creative ways to handle it than flinging your fists around.

[RedSkyLastNight]

Younger primary - don't hit back and tell a teacher.

Older primary (say Year 5 upwards) and secondary - I wouldn't tell them to hit back, but frankly telling a teacher often causes more problems than it solves and knowing you can stand up for yourself might cause a bully to back off.

[Toomanycookies]

'Confusedbeetle

No never hit back. Small children should face the attacker and shout NO as load as possible, psychological standing up to a bully without the violence'

Yes I can see this working in lower primary and that is definitely what I taught but not so much with a 16 year old who has been expelled from a previous school for violence and has already attacked pupils at this school.

[MilkyCuppa]

If someone hits you and you don’t hit back, they’ll hit you again. And again. For months/years. Of course you should never hit first. But if someone starts to hit you, you finish it by hitting back twice as hard to make sure they’ll never dare touch you again.

[MagnificentSevenHeaven]

I always told mine to hit back & that, as long as they didn't start it or throw the first punch, that I would stand next to then in front of the head & back them up all the way.

My eldest was bullied for a while, but once he started hitting back they soon went on to softer targets....

[Pumperthepumper]

Teaching kids that it's ok to hit back is just creating a society of people who think that the way to solve problems is with physical violence though...

I totally agree with this, and your point about it being a good starting point. My kids are not allowed to be violent, ever.

[Cheerbear23]

Always hit back. After dealing with a prolonged bullying from an aggressive boy for approx 3 yrs at primary school, my DS eventually hit back, and hit back hard, it was the only thing that stopped it.
Moving upto high school, they need to be able to defend themselves as they will be mixing with a wider range of people from differing backgrounds, who may be well used to fighting.
Unfortunately from my experience if kids don’t defend themselves it only perpetuates them falling prey to violent bullies.

[MilkyCuppa]

Kids who don’t hit back are the ones that get hit again. Because the bullies think they can hit them with no consequences.

[headinhands]

Taught mine not to hit back and tell an adult. Having worked in a primary I'm glad I taught them that as the ones who hit to resolve disputes don't stop when they're hit back. Even if it did stop them hitting your child they'll just hit another. They usually need quite a lot of input from adults to manage their feelings.

[Beefandmixed]

Never hit first and if avoiding and telling the teacher doesn’t work hit back twice as hard. He’s never complained about the same child twice.

[headinhands]

The point is, they're not learning anything helpful. They're just learning to hit people who tolerate it. They're not learning to cope with their feelings or why hitting doesn't work.

[Pumperthepumper]

Also, what happens if your child hits first? Are you totally happy with them being hit back twice as hard?

[Cheerbear23]

Kids who don’t hit back are the ones that get hit again. Because the bullies think they can hit them with no consequences.
Exactly ^^ and sometimes you find out the hard way (like I did) that this is the case. It’s all very well and good saying tell a teacher, don’t retaliate but that doesn’t always stop it. The bully will carry on away from the teacher. Bullies (violent ones) tend to only respond when they get a taste of their own medicine.

[LL83]

As a primary child I don't think teaching 'hit back ' is helpful at all. I wouldn't give my child into a lot of trouble if they did, but I wouldn't teach it as a strategy to deal with bullies because it is almost a reaction and not something I could ever do to a tough kid at school when I was a child.

At high school hit back and you can be sure you will be found by bully later.

I teach my 9 year old to tell me everything and to distance herself from people who aren't kind. Hoping for the best.

[ILoveDolly]

I tell mine to go to an adult, and say firmly Do NOT hit me ever again. But my middle dd hit a boy with a massive stick in nursery school, got hauled in, she told me 'he hurts me every day so I thoughted I stop him'. I looked at the teacher and she said 'he is a bully, hopefully he's learned his lesson' and we left it at that.

[ladybee28]

Because the bullies think they can hit them with no consequences.

This is what my DP always says and I just don't get it.

Why are the only possible consequences a punch in the face?

Why do our kids only get to choose 0 or 10? Wet blanket or thug?

Surely we're all creative enough to imagine there being something between 'lie down and take it' and 'smack people about'?

[E20mom]

My mom always told us not to hit first but if someone hit us then hit them back harder. Then tell teacher.

I will tell my children the same when they reach school age.

[MaxTeyon]

Never hit first but always hit back and hit back harder. Leave the kids whose parents tell them never to hit to be life’s victims.

[Cheerbear23]

My children don’t hit first pumper it’s for defence. In my experience with my boys I’ve realised it needs nipping in the bud with a retaliation. My younger DD (very quiet & shy) has been told to hit back too. I don’t want another prolonged bullying where the bully is let off time & time again and spoken to about ‘anger management’ etc. A retaliatory punch stopped 3 years of bullying for my DS.

[Cherries101]

I look after my dn for part of the week. My advice has always been to hit back twice as hard AND to make sure there are no witnesses. We take her to boxing lessons to underpin this. This worked when she was bullied because after three lessons she punched her bully hard in the groin and he hasn’t dared to touch her since.

[MagnificentSevenHeaven]

I just don't get it.

Because if I get hurt every time I hit you, I'm going to go and hit someone that doesn't hit back.

[MilkyCuppa]

Why are the only possible consequences a punch in the face?

What’s the other option? Tell a teacher, who will say “Naughty Timmy, we mustn’t hit” etc. As if that will stop him! Or tell the parents, who won’t care as they’re the sort of people who have raised a violent little shit in the first place. And your DC gets hit again and again.

No. One hard punch will put a stop to the whole business and Timmy won’t dare hit your DC again because he knows what he can expect in return.

[nokidshere]

Mine have been taught to walk away from trouble and get help if they need to. However, I also told them if fight is the only way to get yourself out of a situation then do so, as long as you never throw the first punch. To my knowledge they have never hit or been hit.

There is a massive difference between being violent as a matter of course and defending yourself.

[Hidillyho]

My DD is in nursery and is taught not to hit back at the moment.
If they were to get bullied then I would change my mind but this would definitely only be to ‘hit back’ and never to be the one to throw the first punch.