..to think I am not meant for driving?

[Gannicusthemannicus]

Looking for a bit of advice and encouragement, I've had my 20th hour of driving lessons and I feel like I will never learn as I'm just not getting better. It just does not work in my brain and I've ended up crying in the car twice now due to frustration. Plus my parents are paying and keep asking when my test is, I'm so bad my instructor hasn't even mentioned a test!

My instructor is very good and knows his stuff but I keep doing dangerous things because I'm nervous and then doing more dangerous things because I got told off for the first mistake and it made me more nervous! He's a bit like a kind but stern grandfather. I just panic the moment I see a roundabout or even a turn and know I'm going to mess it up and I forget the order of things I have to do, I can recite the procedure for a roundabout sat on the sofa but the second I'm in the car it goes to pot.

My instructor keeps telling me to 'think like a driver' and that I need to concentrate but I don't know how to think like a driver. I'm currently spending half the week dreading my lesson every week, does anyone have any advice?
Also I do only have one 1.5hr lesson a week and would like more but my instructor doesn't have the time. Could this be against me, as I feel like all my confidence and knowledge is gone when I've been out of the car for a full week. Is there anything that helped anyone else? Books or youtube videos or anything to keep in the driving mindset and ease my nerves?
Thanks to anyone that reads this!

Poor you - sounds like you're getting yourself into such a state that you can't be helped. I don't know what to suggest - sorry - but you need to reset your thinking around this. Maybe take a break for a while? Different instructor? I failed twice before passing easily with a new instructor. It wasn't that the first one was horrid but he made me nervous so I drove like a very nervous person!
Good luck though - hope you find a way through it.

Can a family member take you out to practice in between?

Take a break. Get a new instructor. I’ve been driving for 25 years and have no idea what “think like a driver means”

Are you learning in a manual or an automatic? Consider an automatic if you're not driving one already. It takes a lot of the complicatedness out of the equation.

Also, consider a new driving instructor, your current one doesn't sound like a great teacher. "Think like a driver" isn't any use at all, you need specifics and things that are easy to remember.

Absolutely get a new instructor! I had a very similar situation and switched after I failed my first test.
I got on much better with a calm female instructor and passed third time. It took me a lot longer than most to learn, and I had driving anxiety long after passing thanks to being yelled at so much. I just needed practice.
If driving will enhance your life, keep going. If it’s not worth it, feel free to give yourself a break from the dread and pick it up again later!

Definitely get a new instructor. Yours is not putting you at your ease. You should not be thinking about taking a test after 20 hrs driving, and things have moved on a lot since your parents took their tests. You should be aiming for at least twice that amount of lessons and also practice inbetween. Good luck.

He might be a good instructor but that doesn't mean he's the right one for you! I took several years (with breaks) and three instructors to pass my test (first time!) - it just took a while for things to "click".

Get a new instructor and if you can't get two lessons a week, get yourself insured and go out as much as possible! DH took me out and I drove everywhere for the two months leading up to my test and it really helped my confidence.

Good luck!

I have the same thing. I've had lessons 4 times and never got past my theory before giving up. I have never had access to a practice car either and it does make it harder. Here is my advice:

• shop around for an instructor. I have been through about 6 and 2 were suitable, the rest just put me on edge.

• Learn automatic. 100 million % just do it, don't listen to the naysayers. It is SO MUCH LESS STRESSFUL. I let people put me off it for years before I did it and I could kick myself. It has allowed me to get used to the roads without having to worry about working the car. You can always switch to manual once you gain your road confidence and do your test manual. Or just do it automatic. Seriously, do this.

Don't be disheartened, you will get there. Get as much practice as you can and find an instructor who you're on the same wave length with. My first instructor told me I was the worst learner he'd ever had, not the most constructive feedback for a nervous learner! Found a new lovely lady instructor who built my confidence and was a delight to spend time with and passed no problem. Keep at it, you will get there. It's a life skill and needs to be practiced. Good luck!

Your instructor doesn’t sound great. “Think like a driver”??

When I’m nervous, I find the best thing to do is a running commentary in my head the whole time. Eg the layout of the road, any things to watch for, are the lights going to change etc etc. It keeps me from caving into the nerves.

Plus before a lesson, I’d have a boogie to my fav song to kill any nervous energy.

I could have written this. The mental side of driving I just did not get at all - how to react to other drivers, what position to take in the road, spatial awareness etc. After 5 years of lessons, 5 failed tests and multiple instructors I gave up, because I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get my head around it. Sorry OP, but I do believe it’s a thing some people can’t master

Agree with trying lessons in an automatic!!!

What's the big deal, a bit more expensive buying/running a car but better than struggling and not passing your test.

I second the automatic suggestion.

I passed my test in a manual but was such a nervous driver I barely got back in the car, until I bought an automatic.

I'm still a bit daunted and nervous, but I've got the headspace to focus on what to do without the added complication of gears and clutch!

I think you need a new instructor.

I've been driving for >20 years and am (IMO) a brilliant, confident driver, but only because I sacked my first instructor (who was useless) and got a better one (he was ex-police and taught me loads of cool stuff!).

'The pupil is a reflection of the teacher as the teacher is a reflection of the pupil.'

Oh, and NO to an automatic test, it's a pointless waste of money, unless you intend to live in the US. It's like passing your test with one leg tied behind your back.

If you change instructors and it's still not working, maybe try an automatic?

I had 40 hours of lessons. To be fair I had no car to practice in away from driving teacher's car. Failed theory twice but passed practical first time. Keep at it. It's worth it.

Think like a driver??
I have quite a woolly brain, and am
anxious too. All of which made it a challenge to learn to drive. And I don’t like challenges.
But I got there in the end, and you will too.
As pp s say, change instructor, and go automatic.

An automatic test isn't pointless! If driving is important/necessary then it is very sensible and pragmatic to consider an automatic.

I'm still very early on in my lessons but completely understand being nervous!
Does your instructor talk to you? Mine chats away to me and I find that really helpful because I'm not worrying about what I'm about to do before I have to do it.
Also my instructor told me not to think about my lessons until the day of my lesson because I was working myself up days before and then my nerves got the better of me during the lesson.
Keep at it and change instructor I think it might help you

This is exactly what I was like, when you say you forget the procedure for what a roundabout is my answer would be to say what my instructor used to say to me, and what I think your instructor might be meaning, all you need to think about is speed and space, if you're in the right space at the right speed you can't go wrong, yes you need to look to the right but all you need to think is, is there a space for me? If not slow down and if necessary stop until there is, I was a very nervous learner driver and made things worse for myself by over thinking and researching methods etc but that little bit of advice put it into perspective for me, I passed my test a year ago and still get nervous now sometimes but just remind myself to look for my space and it hasn't failed me yet. The other thing I did was listen to confidence boosting hypnotherapy on YouTube, I don't know if it worked but I listened to it in bed and it stopped me thinking about driving and helped me sleep.

i failed three times as a teenageer an got put off 14 years later i started agan in automatic best thing i ever did

i dont know why your par4ents ar e pestering u abou a test u have to do yout theory first anyway-maybe take a break for now and start again

I was never 'told off' by my instructor! He was calm and patient and I learnt eventually, although it did take 65 hours of lessons.

I think you need to find someone new. You shouldn't be told off for something you are trying hard to learn.

Twenty hours is nothing. Nothing, I tell you. I'm not going to tell you how many hours I had before I took the test, but it was way more than that.

You'll be fine. I think you're right - you probably would be better with more than one lesson each week. There's no reason why you can't have more than one driving instructor at once, so if you don't want to give this instructor up, just get a second one.

also maybe try rescue rememdy for calming your nerves