..to think I am not meant for driving?

[Gannicusthemannicus]

Looking for a bit of advice and encouragement, I've had my 20th hour of driving lessons and I feel like I will never learn as I'm just not getting better. It just does not work in my brain and I've ended up crying in the car twice now due to frustration. Plus my parents are paying and keep asking when my test is, I'm so bad my instructor hasn't even mentioned a test!

My instructor is very good and knows his stuff but I keep doing dangerous things because I'm nervous and then doing more dangerous things because I got told off for the first mistake and it made me more nervous! He's a bit like a kind but stern grandfather. I just panic the moment I see a roundabout or even a turn and know I'm going to mess it up and I forget the order of things I have to do, I can recite the procedure for a roundabout sat on the sofa but the second I'm in the car it goes to pot.

My instructor keeps telling me to 'think like a driver' and that I need to concentrate but I don't know how to think like a driver. I'm currently spending half the week dreading my lesson every week, does anyone have any advice?
Also I do only have one 1.5hr lesson a week and would like more but my instructor doesn't have the time. Could this be against me, as I feel like all my confidence and knowledge is gone when I've been out of the car for a full week. Is there anything that helped anyone else? Books or youtube videos or anything to keep in the driving mindset and ease my nerves?
Thanks to anyone that reads this!

Took me about 114 hours OP. It'll take as long as it takes.

Maybe ask your GP for some beta blockers for nerves if you're suitable, they're a godsend and you don't need to learn in an automatic. It doesn't sound as if controlling the car is the problem.

It took me AGES to get the hang of roundabouts. It did happen though. Maybe try a new instructor. There's nothing wrong with changing until you find a good fit. Just tell the one you have you're taking a break and try another school.

I had 250 driving lessons. Honestly. Finally passed on my 3rd test.

Things I would have done differently? Ditched the gearbox and learned in an automatic. It’s a piece of cake.

Have been driving for over 30 years now.

Keep at it. You will get there one day.

Keep at it. It is a life changing skill. Maybe go out with other people, even if just as a passenger to observe their behaviour, being mindful of bad habits of course, but watch their judgement and decisions e.g. when to pull out, overtake etc.

It took me 8 hours of lessons to drive in a straight line in a car park. I went through three instructors and it took two or three years in total, with breaks between instructors. One fired me! I finally passed with my fourth instructor but I just used them for a three day intensive course. The three day course was because I had learnt all the technical skills by then but I had nobody to practice with and it just got me used to driving virtually all day.

This was 23 years ago. I have never had an accident, touch wood. I think my trouble learning to drive has made me a patient and courteous driver.

First thing you HAVE to do is learn to control the car. Control enough that you feel like "the tyres are your feet". Where control is automatic and where your body does it without you thinking about it. Forget roundabouts or traffic regulations. Control. Control. Control. And then practice your control some more.

The above will take half the difficulty away.

Next, learn to play "space invaders". This is where you put your car in the space others leave. My instructer taught me this and it was a magic moment. By concentrating on the spaces and not the cars (if that makes sense) my fear of other vehicles went away as I wasn't worried about the other drivers, just looking for the space. Especially on roundabouts.

Practice. You drive the car! Otherwise you're just a passenger!

Get yourself a new instructor. Some instructors just aren’t right for everyone.
My DP is a driving instructor and has had people come to him who have previously spent a lot of time with their old instructor and they couldn’t drive and he had them driving properly within a couple of months and visa versa - some people he just couldn’t teach.
As with school teachers, each instructor will have their own way of teaching.

Are you trying to learn in a manual? An automatic might be better suited for you also? DP is a manual instructor but always says how much easier an automatic is and that everyone should just drive one (however you can’t then drive a manual if your license is for automatic)

I’ve had 2 instructors, the 2nd was awful so I went back to the 1st and waited for him to be available. She was so strict, wouldn’t offer help when I asked a question and shouted if I did something wrong. It put me off, but going back to instructor 1 was the best thing as my confidence went through the roof, and I drive fine!

This was me. I started driving lessons at the age of 20. I had about 25 lessons but couldn't get it. I lost confidence in myself and gave it up. I think my instructor just wasn't very good because 3 years ago I finally bit the bullet and booked some more driving lessons at the grand old age of 31. This time I learnt in an automatic and omg, it was so much easier. It still took about 25 lessons for me to have any confidence in myself and for me to stop physically shaking before my lesson but it did happen. I ended up passing first time and have never looked back. I love driving an auto and even my other half who has a manual license prefers to drive my car.
I agree that you need to find an instructor that suits you as well. My second instructor was really good even when I was a panicky anxious mess who nearly cried everytime I had to change lanes or reverse park!!

Thank you for all the responses, seems the concensus is to change instructor though I'm not sure how to do that as I'm too nervous to drive let alone sack him. But it seems necessary. The trouble is I see him daily as we live in the same town.

I'm quite settled with manual, oddly I quite like the clutch and the gears, they are the one bit I can do and get praise on! (and my parents will not pay for auto lessons) It's the actual judging and checking I get stuck on, like things appear too quickly for me to check my mirrors and indicate and change lane and slow down and change gear and know where I'm going! How does anyone know their lane when the roundabout signs are so close to it!
But I do absolutely want to keep going even though it seems impossible. And even though I cry every time! Thanks for all the confidence and stories, it definitely helps to know other people share my struggle!

You have to get out on the road between lessons and I think intensive course is the best way to learn. I did 20hrs in 10days and passed first time. Worth doing if u can. Good luck. You will get there eventually.

the problem could stil be gears and you say youself u cant remember which lane which gear etc eliminate one of the problems and u could find it easier

@Whowouldathunkit - are you a driving instructor?

That's one of the most succinctly put explanations I've ever seen and will pass it on to my OH, who is currently putting his big boy pants on and learning to drive (as I have had enough of being the house chauffeur for the past 15 years).

Roundabouts were my big issue. I can honestly say it's just practice and confidence. Even now, over 2 years since passing my test, I get in the wrong lane at roundabouts I'm not familiar with (and that's with my bloody satnav). I jusrtstbhave the confidence to switch lanes or just go left and find somewhere to turn around.

I wonder if you're not looking far enough ahead? Also, if you're in the wrong lane at a roundabout it isn't the end of the world if you take a different exit and go a different way.

Also, if I'm driving an unfamiliar route I'll check it out beforehand on a map, and have my sat nav on that tells you which exit from the roundabout! Both things that you can't really do in a lesson.

I think if you say that youve decided to try automatic, but thankyou for the lessons so far, theyve been really helpful.

Hes not your friend. Its a business. You dont owe him anything.

You don't need to sack him, just don't book any more lessons. If he contacts you, just say you're taking a bit of a break. He doesn't need to know if you're with another instructor or not.

You need to find an instructor who is calm and quiet and doesn’t distract you with unnecessary chat when you are driving.

When my dc got to about 16, I started pointing things out to them as I drove them around. Odd junctions. Lane discipline. Signs. etc etc. Not in a "You must learn this" way but in a "This is such an odd junction here" or "See what that car just did? It's really dangerous because....." or "I really don't like this junction because...." or "You have to watch at this point because......". So they get used to watching traffic and get used to the oddities of various junctions and places they are going to be driving when they start lessons. It then led (with all 3 of them so I don't think it would be unusual) to them 'taking more notice' whenever they were in a car, and asking about things.

OK, so you might not have done it prior to learning, but do it now - look and take note when you are in a vehicle (or even walking in the High Street or whatever) ask your parents - or whoever is driving - 'Why this' 'Why that' 'Does if matter which lane you are in when....' etc., so you are practising 'being aware' all the time.

I feel you, I took my test three times in total- the first time I fainted trying to reverse round a corner I was so nervous! Really agree with changing your instructor, have a good chat with some on the phone and mention your issues- see if they put you at ease over the phone. Don’t let your parents push you into something you’re not ready for- nervous drivers are dangerous so you need to feel confident in your ability. Automatics are so much easier if your brain struggles with how overwhelming it all is to learn. Good luck.

Thanks for starting this thread OP. I feel the same way. I passed my test 3rd time, and sometimes DP makes me drive and hassles me nicely to keep trying but it is not a natural skill.

I make a mistake and then find it difficult to get back on track, my confidence is dinted easily. I feel bad though, as DP ends up with all the driving :( Some great tips here though, glad I am not the only one with roundabout crisis!

I have a woolly brain and find it hard to make decisions - should I stay or should I go? at junctions etc Not practicing makes my control skills lapse too, so vicious circle. Driving gives a lot of freedom and power to help others too - hosp appointments and so on.

I still wish humanity had stuck to horse and cart. I could cope with life on the road at that speed. Maybe just motorized ambulances/police/fire?

Saying that, it would take a whole week to get to Devon by horse from here!!

Oh OP. You sound just like me! I started to learn when I was 17 and didn’t pass until I was 22. I had so many gaps in learning and driving tests... it took me five times to pass my driving test (my DP’s family always laugh at me when I mention that) and I went through four driving instructors until I found the right one for me. Please don’t give up, if I listened to my old instructors, I would never have got my driving license and I’d be so depressed that everyone around me could drive and I couldn’t. I’m so glad my final instructor had confidence and faith in me even when I didn’t. I’d recommend sticking with a manual, I was told by family members to try a test in an automatic but I really didn’t want to re-sit the test in a manual in the future so I kept at it. Obviously, an automatic license is better than no license but a manual license gives you more flexibly. Unless you live in a city centre - life without a car can be difficult! Even if you don’t have a car, a driving license always looks good on a CV. I would definitely try looking for a new instructor, he might be good but not good for you! Look around, don’t be afraid to tell them you don’t want to learn anymore with them! I was prescribed some beta blockers as I felt sick for most the week leading up to my driving lesson but I felt like it worsened my concentration so I stopped taking them but it could be different for you. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through what I used to go through, but please don’t give up. Passing my driving test has changed my life and I couldn’t be without the freedom of my car now. Good luck