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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to a rescue to get a dog?

56 replies

ShitOnItx · 10/12/2018 22:26

I visited my local rescue alone and was given lots of time and attention. Told them I had children a nd was told to bring them in as they can't rehome any dog without meeting the kids at the rescue first.

When I took my kids they totally blanked me and told me no dogs were available to kids (youngest is 8) and were very dismissive.

I also have to being my dog but she is a nervous dog and I know the last place to make a calm, happy introduction is at a place full of barking dogs and smells.

A dog has gone onto their siteand she is perfect. An older spaniel dog, calm, says she is so laid back with other dogs and I've fallen in love with her (as much as you can from a photo and description)

I just know if I go back with my kids and my very shy dog who is likely to just try and run away from the noise they wont let me have her.

You can foster. So would IBU to go with my friend and get her to foster the dog but bring her to my house?

My kids are at their dad's this week so she will have time to meet my dog calmly and she will have some time with it just being us before the kids get back.

I feel like they don't give families with kids enough of a chance.

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 10/12/2018 22:27

YABU they will do a home visit on your house and work it out.
Have you tried some of the bigger rescues, battersea, dogs trust, greyhound rescue

C0untDucku1a · 10/12/2018 22:28

They check up on you.

Stormwhale · 10/12/2018 22:30

Yabu. I think the rescue will know the dogs better than you do from reading a bio online. They need the full facts to make sure they are choosing the right home for the dog.

Pachyderm1 · 10/12/2018 22:30

YABU. There’s a reason they have the checks that they do. They know best about the dogs in their care.

Original poster
ShitOnItx · 10/12/2018 22:30

They don't do homechecks at all.

I was thinking of fostering for a week to make sure. They allow that.

OP posts:
Charmlight · 10/12/2018 22:31

Bit unfair to mess the dog about even more really?
Not ethical to be lying to the rescue centre either. Why did you not ask them, when you returned with your children why they didn’t say in the first place that they wouldn’t rehome with children?
Seems a bit extreme. Do you need to speak to someone more senior/experienced perhaps, to get your point across?

Delatron · 10/12/2018 22:31

I agree. I guess they have their reasons but we really wanted a rescue dog and most of the time they prefer no children (ours are 8/9) and previous experience of owning dogs.

I feel like we can’t go down the rescue route as they make it so hard.

Not sure about lying though. I guess they’ll do a home visit? Shame!

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2018 22:33

There must be a reason they say this dog is not good with kids.
Don’t lie.
With your dog could you arrange a first meeting somewhere neutral and less stressful?

Sortingfinances · 10/12/2018 22:34

Whereabouts in the country are you?
There are rescues they will rehome the right dog to you, subject to a home check.

drinkygin · 10/12/2018 22:35

It’s a shame some of these rescue centres have such ridiculously inflexible rules in place. So many dogs missing out on loving homes because of this 😔 OP go for it. You sound like you’ve thought this through and considered every aspect of rescuing a dog and it isn’t a decision you’ve taken lightly.

steppemum · 10/12/2018 22:43

umm, I have fostered, and there is no way your friend could foster this dog, and you actually have it. That is not going to work.

Find another rescue, be clear to them that you are looking for a dog for a family. be clear that your kids are used to dogs as you have one, and know how to behave around dogs, they are 8+ not toddlers.

Ask to meet a dog on neutral territory. When we fostered, we took one dog to the house of the new adopters, with the idea that it would meet their current dog in his garden. If all went well, we could leave the dog there for the porbabtion period.

Don't try and cheat, because you sign a contract with them which says that they reserve the right to take the dog back in certain circumstances.

Reaa · 10/12/2018 22:48

ShitOnItx

They don't do homechecks at all.

I thought all re homing centres had too?

Original poster
ShitOnItx · 10/12/2018 22:48

They never said she isn't good with kids.

But last time I went in alone they said there were some dogs that could go with kids but when I came back the next day with my kids the same woman said there were non available.

They were really unhelpful when I went with the kids :(

And their kennels were full. 30+ dogs.

I just feel like if I go in with the kids and my dog who turns into a shaking leaf on a lead when she hears groups of dogs barking they will just say no.

But I have a feeling she would be a really lovely fit for our family :(

I know it's not right to lie and I probably would never do it. I'm just venting my frustration.

I wanted a rescue originally 18 months ago but ended up getting my Dpup because I was sick of rescues not even considering us because of the kids.

I really want a 2nd dog, but an older one. I can't do the puppy thing again.

OP posts:
steppemum · 10/12/2018 22:54

Can you phone up and talk to them? Ask to speak to the manager. Talk about this one dog specifically, and ask them to think a bit more about what would work?
Be a bit blunt - you have 30 dogs, and we are offering a good, dog friendly home, and ar ebeing turned down? I don't understand why?

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2018 22:55

If your dog is under two better maybe to wait and build your existing dog’s confidence.
If they say they have no dogs suitable for children then that either includes this dog or it’s reserved already.
Rescues have to be so careful. If they’re not sure a dog can cope with kids then they can’t take the risk.

Oldmotherhubbardlivesinashoe · 10/12/2018 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustABetterPlayer · 10/12/2018 23:01

Offs you’ve looked at a picture of an adult dog and decided it’s perfect? Hmm. They have rules to limit liability and the possibility of harm to your children. But feel free to do what you like it will ‘probably’ be fine.

Oldmotherhubbardlivesinashoe · 10/12/2018 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elphie54 · 10/12/2018 23:03

No! They may be saying no because the dog is not good around other dogs or children. There is a reason they are saying no. Do not lie! It could result in putting your children and other dog in a dangerous situation.

SemperIdem · 10/12/2018 23:07

My local dogs home only home checks with breeds over a certain size.

I am a huge advocate of rehoming not buying. But I have had a bad experience of doing so and for that reason, I won’t own a dog again until my child is significantly older. I believe rehoming is right but you really must be so careful. Younger doesn’t mean safer, for starters.

givemesteel · 10/12/2018 23:09

I do think rescue charities are unnecessarily stringent. I've looked as well but I've got a baby and cats so no chance for me right now.

Ethically I think you're doing the right thing but have to break the rules to do it. So long as you're 100 percent sure about being able to home this dog.

I don't know if you'd get away with the fostering idea, but I don't know how you would resolve it long term as presumably fostered dogs are eventually found forever homes.

NoSquirrels · 10/12/2018 23:09

Not in any way being funny, OP, but if you have a young dog who's nervous, that you have had from a pup, maybe introducing a rescue is not a great plan? Two dogs you need to manage the dynamics etc., and if your existing dog is already of a nervous disposition, you really might not be the best family at this point?

Howhot · 10/12/2018 23:11

You've never met this dog but have decided it's perfect?

Uncooperativefingers · 10/12/2018 23:14

Also, from the other side, is it fair to subject an older laid back dog (who probably just wants a quiet life) to a puppy? Being good with other dogs is one thing, but putting up with a bouncy puppy who constantly wants to play is another!

ChristmasTreeForest · 10/12/2018 23:22

I understand your frustration OP but it would be a very bad idea to lie to the rescue centre. After our old dog, who we had had since before the children were born, passed away, we gave up trying to adopt from a rescue centre as all the local centres we approached stipulated no children under 11 and we had one under that age at the time. We were very lucky to find our dog - she was unwanted, but we were put in touch with the owner by a neighbour before they put the dog into a kennels. We've had her 10 years now and she's brought our family so much joy. You could try looking on the preloved website for dogs local to you, but be very wary of puppy farms (just remembered you don't want a puppy!).