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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reading homework EVERY night

55 replies

GingerSwan · 10/12/2018 21:23

My DS is in year 1 (so 6yrs old) and lives between 3 houses. Mine, dads and grandparents. This is dictated by a child arrangement order.

I don’t know about other schools but in my DS’s school they have to fill in a reading log every single night and have two lots of English/Maths homework a week.

I think it’s a lot but when he’s here at home it’s doable, however his grandparents don’t do it with him. They’ve been told time and time but I can’t physically force them.

The teacher is getting more and more agitated about the reading not being done some nights a week. I’ve contacted school twice now to inform them of the situation and they appeared understanding, but the reading log is still getting more entries about this than about the quality of his reading.

It started off “Please remember to read every night if you can Smile” which feels friendly and reasonable but now it’s “Remember to read EVERY night!!” (Double underlined as well)

I just find it really passive aggressive at this point, I know it’s frustrating for her but I cannot do anything to change it except tell them repeatedly which I do and they aren’t even my parents.

I have severe anxiety which the school is aware of and I’ve had support meetings etc. And my poor DS has dealt with a lot of deaths close to him lately and was struggling to concentrate so I contacted the school regarding that too. They know it’s hard at home at the minute. I’m finding the notes to be upsetting now even if the teacher thinks they’re nothing here nor there

I know I’m being sensitive but AIBU? I’ve popped a note in for her to read tomorrow saying to contact me if there’s any problems Blush

OP posts:
kalefire · 10/12/2018 21:26

Your child is living between three homes?

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs but I can't imagine why any court would think this is in the best interests of the child?!

kalefire · 10/12/2018 21:28

Maybe in your note you should say.

Please contact child's dad on tues weds, GPs on Thursday (or whatever) and myself regarding reading on Monday and Friday.

Grannyannex · 10/12/2018 21:29

Give the teacher the grandparents telephone number.

CloserIAm2Fine · 10/12/2018 21:33

YANBU

If the teacher is aware of the situation they shouldn’t keep going on at you about what happens at the GPs. IS the teacher aware though? You said you spoke to the school but was that the teacher themselves?

Notcontent · 10/12/2018 21:39

Just to echo a previous poster, that sounds like a horrendously stressful arranagement for all involved, but your DS in particular...

At the moment it’s just reading, but later he will have more homework as the years go by and everyone involved needs to take responsibility. Who are the grandparents? Can someone talk to them?

Sirzy · 10/12/2018 21:41

I don’t think it’s fair to expect the teacher to keep track of what sounds like a very complex situation!

If would worry me that this snows a lack of consistency between homes which only risks becoming a bigger issue as he gets older.

Prometheus · 10/12/2018 21:45

That sounds awful for your kids. I would just write as much in your child's reading book I.e "unfortunately I only have control over what my child does for xx nights per week. Please be advised that I'm fully on board with the need to read every night but unfortunately the rest of his family aren't."

Moltenpink · 10/12/2018 21:51

Could you read a short story via Skype, or send him with some audio cds?

PumpkinPie2016 · 10/12/2018 21:51

It sounds like a stressful arrangement all round - the living between 3 houses and it sounds like grandparents are just not seeing the importance. Or, are they unsure of what to put in the log? Are they familiar with phonics so that they can help him? I need learnt phonics at school and have had to almost learn with my son (reception).

Speak to the teacher directly and explain the situation - it may be that the message hasn't got through (although it should have).

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 10/12/2018 21:54

How unsettling for the poor child. No stability whatsoever.

Can the teacher contact the grandparents? It's not difficult to spend ten minutes reading once a day. If they have shared care, they need to take on the role.

user139328237 · 10/12/2018 21:57

Was the judge who thought it even slightly sensible for a child to move between 3 homes high and drunk?

anniehm · 10/12/2018 22:01

I think it would be sensible to arrange for the grandparents to meet with the teacher at some point and get the low down on what is expected of them if they are so be part of your dc's residency plan long term - it's going to get far more than a bit of reading English and maths. No idea why they live in 3 places but it's not the right decision if it's affecting their education

Leeds2 · 10/12/2018 22:02

I would ask the teacher to get in touch with the grandparents (either by phone, or when they pick DS up from school) if they are concerned about him not reading on the nights he is with them.
Are you sure that he isn't reading with them? Just wondering if he is reading with them, but they aren't filling in the record.

Starlight456 · 10/12/2018 22:03

3 homes 😮poor child . I would think reading is the least of there worries.

Yes I do thy a teacher should be aware of days assuming it is consistent days.

I would also be commenting in reading record. With g. Parents Tuesday , Wednesday etc so it is clear when it’s not done . Create a paper trail

Purpleartichoke · 10/12/2018 22:05

If the grandparents can’t be bothered to do homework, they should not have visitation.

Twotome · 10/12/2018 22:11

YANBU, but i would speak to the teacher in person rather than replying to the messages through his reading log.

It is often the TA/Class helpers who sign my DD's log - could it be the same for your DS and they aren't aware of the situation?

Is there a particular reason why the grandparents will not listen to him read?

Twotome · 10/12/2018 22:15

Also, the OP hasn't asked for opinions on the decided child arrangement order, so not sure how helpful it is for people to keep commenting their dissaproval!

Twotome · 10/12/2018 22:17

*disapproval Blush

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 10/12/2018 22:18

This is an unusual situation which may impact on the the dc in many ways so I absolutely feel the school should remember this key piece of information on your sons life.

Disengage from the the reading book and put a note in there to call gp directly about reading on thier days.

SunnyNights · 10/12/2018 22:24

Look, if you can’t control what happens in the other houses then read when you can and just complete the log to show reads for every evening. Saves being moaned at by the teacher, not sure that turn just sending passive aggressive notes is useful?!

SunnyNights · 10/12/2018 22:25

Them not turn

bookmum08 · 10/12/2018 22:26

Do they not actually read with him or just not put it in the reading diary. I gave up filling in my daughters reading diary in about year 3 but the school knows she is an big reader and is always reading or being read too and she has always read a varity of different things in one week (ie some days it would be a comic rather than the book she is halfway through).

VladmirsPoutine · 10/12/2018 22:27

How is the week split? Do you have Monday and Tuesday? Dad Wednesday and Thursday and grandparent Friday throughout the weekend?

I think the reading is really the least of your worries.

Menolly · 10/12/2018 22:30

The teacher presumably knows about DS' living arrangements? so knows which nights you have him and can see that the reading log is filled in on those nights? or even can see its you that signs it each time? so the notes are not aimed at you, no need to get anxious about it, just ask the teacher to have a word with the GPs because they aren't listening when you tell them.

I don’t think it’s fair to expect the teacher to keep track of what sounds like a very complex situation!
Yes it is completely fair to expect that if it's court ordered, especially as it sounds like there are other issues the family needs support with (OP's anxiety, bereavement)

BanginChoons · 10/12/2018 22:32

I don't participate in the reading log. I explained my reasons to the school. They regularly send letters home about it, which I regularly reply to with the same message

"I have explained my reasons for not participating in the reading log. Please respect my stance. Thank you."

Just repeat the same reply every time. It takes the power back and may help stop the anxiety. You are not obliged to participate in homework tasks.