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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To correct DS's friend's table manners

87 replies

chubbyspice · 10/12/2018 18:59

DS (8) has a friend over once a week and we have dinner together. I always correct my child's table manners, bit of a bug bear for me. Is it rude to correct his friend's table manners? I think that at 8 he should be well able to use cutlery and not shovel the food in.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 10/12/2018 19:03

I don’t think that is really your job.

DillyDilly · 10/12/2018 19:04

I think it would be extremely rude.

PikaPikaTink · 10/12/2018 19:05

If he's shovelling he's probably hungry and enjoying the food rather than being deliberately rude. I would just let it slide.

hidinginthenightgarden · 10/12/2018 19:05

HE will probably stop coming soon so won't be a problem for too long. Keep humiliating young kids OP and your DS wont have many friends to invite round.

ShalomJackie · 10/12/2018 19:07

Yes I would. If kids are in my house I trwat them the same as I would mine and would have the same expectations regarding manners. I would remind them to say please and thank you too when appropriate if they didn't.

I would not let mine leave the table until everyone had finished and would tell visiting kids this is the house rule too.

As they say 'it takes a village!'

MrsJayy · 10/12/2018 19:09

I dont think you should be correcting hia cutlery use many people find the correct way uncomfy for a tonne of different reasons, but if he is shoveliing in food or talking with his mouth open you could say something but he is your sons friend surely you want him to come back and play so go easy on him.

cowfacemonkey · 10/12/2018 19:09

No you shouldn't especially in front of your own children. You are purposefully going to cause them embarrassment to correct a behaviour that is ultimately not your responsibility. If he hasn't been taught or corrected by his own parents that's their fail not his. I suspect you wouldn't dream of saying to his mum "oh by the way you need work on your parenting and teach your child better eating habits"

3WildOnes · 10/12/2018 19:10

Do you mean he is using his fork in his right hand curved side down, like a spoon?
No, I think it’s very bad manners to comment on some one else’s lack of manners. He would probably feel very self conscious.
Did it really bother you so much? I watched a service user eat a whole noodle dish with her hands at work the other day, I guess it’s her cultural norm.

MorningsEleven · 10/12/2018 19:11

Shovelling it in with an actual spade?

adoggymum · 10/12/2018 19:11

When I was 11 I once went for tea at my new friends house (we are now best friends) and the entire dinner her family all mocked me about how I held my knife and fork in the wrong hands. I felt so uncomfortable and tried to be polite anyway and try it their way but couldn't eat like that and then the mother told me off for not eating the food!

It was a fucking nightmare😂 I've never eaten there again with her family lol

HollowTalk · 10/12/2018 19:11

I would tell him if he was shovelling his food in - who wants to eat with someone who's doing that?

WorraLiberty · 10/12/2018 19:12

I expect a 'please' and a 'thank you' but that's it.

How he chooses to eat his own food, is not your concern.

RayRayBidet · 10/12/2018 19:13

@ShalomJackie

Glad to know that you twat them all the same lol Grin

cowfacemonkey · 10/12/2018 19:14

As a side note my son has oral/tactile sensory and motor control issues which results in a tendency to over stuff his mouth. It's not bad manners on his part and we are working on it but I'd knock someone's head off if they humiliated him for it.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 10/12/2018 19:15

depends what exactly you mean. would only correct cutlery use if he was using his hands or a spoon to be honest.

ZzzMarchhare · 10/12/2018 19:18

I ask them to eat at the table as I don’t like children walking round eating- I have had to do this with 2 children. My reason is mess and choking. Apart from that I don’t as my parents did and it was cringing.

XiCi · 10/12/2018 19:26

How very rude of you. If my mother had done this to my friends I'd have died of embarrassment.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 10/12/2018 19:28

You shouldn't be forcing your personal preferences onto other peoples children. Many would describe that as being snobbish.

SouthWestmom · 10/12/2018 19:29

Putting his knife in his mouth - yes
American style fork - no
Wrong way round - no
Cutting with fork - no

I did have one child who pulled the mashed potatoes across, picked up the serving spoon and started eating them from the bowl. We just looked on in mild bemusement.

SouthWestmom · 10/12/2018 19:29

Oh and getting up and down - dinner's finished then. After a warning.

Birdsgottafly · 10/12/2018 19:33

"I would not let mine leave the table until everyone had finished and would tell visiting kids this is the house rule too.
As they say 'it takes a village!'"

It takes a village applies to universal manners, not individual household rules.

Personally if I hadn't finished eating, I wouldn't want two children, one not my own, to be sitting waiting for me. I'd rather send them off to finish playing so I could eat in peace.

OP, it's fine to correct something that generally no-one likes, such as speaking with your mouth full etc. But not on what you consider correct, or holding cutlery a certain way.

moredoll · 10/12/2018 19:36

Just pretend you're the Queen and do as she would do. In other words, ignore it.

Armadillostoes · 10/12/2018 19:36

Making a guest feel belittled and uncomfortable is far worse than breaches of etiquette with knives and forks. Don't go there.

00100001 · 10/12/2018 19:37

I would (and have done) - especially if he's over every week.

he can eat how he likes at home, but when he's at yours he can follow simple rules.

its the same as if he swore around your house or made a huge mess each time. just because he gets to do it at home, doesn't mean you have to tolerate it.

kids can adapt easily enough to different situations.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/12/2018 19:39

What's he doing?

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