To correct DS's friend's table manners

[chubbyspice]

DS (8) has a friend over once a week and we have dinner together. I always correct my child's table manners, bit of a bug bear for me. Is it rude to correct his friend's table manners? I think that at 8 he should be well able to use cutlery and not shovel the food in.

It would be very rude of you to comment on his table manners at all, much less to “correct” him. He is not your child. I believe very strongly in the “it takes a village” approach when it comes to safety and kindness and things of that nature. But I would place table manners firmly in the None of My Business category.

chubbyspice

Two of those things aren't table manners and don't need to be "corrected".

"Billy, why don't you move your plate a bit closer?"

"Billy let me get you some toilet roll tissues" (then show him where they are and remind him next time you see him do it).

Even with the fingers thing, depending on what he is eating suggest using a fork or offer him a spoon if he is struggling.

Just suggest don't correct.

I would only correct stuff that is going to end up with food on the floor, too much on the actual table or food all over him. I'd let him shovel, eat with incorrect cutlery/fingers etc.

I think you should make clear what the expectations are at the table in your house. "In this house we use a knife and fork", that kind of thing. Manners are important and if he's not getting them at home, he needs to be taught them somewhere.

@sonandhelpneeded

Only if they were really obnoxious then yes. I would have known if my mum didn't want to encourage me to be friends with someone like that anymore just by what she didn't say after they had left the house and she was pretty easy going mum. But if they were misbehaving she would have gently said 'now now' at the table and they would be fine after that. N long term psycholgical scarring and they came back and they were fine.

As I said you can address it by it's the way it's done. Nothing wrong with that. It's not the same as pointing out when someone's used the fish knife instead of a dinner knife. But if someone's shovelling it in and likely to make themselves sick and put others off then yes it's ok.

I'd gently correct the above issues yes. I look after a boy regularly (as a favour, not a job) and when he eats with us I treat him the same as my children. I have no idea what he does at home but at mine he waits until all the children are done and he has to ask to get down from the table and take his plate to the kitchen. It's not a big deal.

Frankly I would. My table, I don't want someone sitting there shovelling it in, or speaking with their mouth full,or slurping etc. They can do that at home.

You can correct manners without it being a reprimand!

Most of the ones who have issues because of an SEN no doubt you would have prewarned the Mum that had invited the child to tea that Jimmy can't eat "wet" food as he needs finger food and so on.

As a PP said having been corrected by a friend's dad she now feels more comfortable in social situations. I am in now way saying that you screech at them, reprimand them, belittle them - it is more a casual mention.

This. Note that Pip asked for tips and hints in the 1st place

He eats in the way he's observed.
Don't judge a child on his lack of manners!
I cannot stand adults scooping up food with fork in the right hand.
It's my bugbear, but clearly not theirs...

I cannot stand adults scooping up food with fork in the right hand.

I believe you're describing most Americans. At least one I know of would look down on people like you who don't hold their fork in their right hand. In his view, they are greedy pigs who want to shovel food into their mouth so fast they they can't be bothered (after any cutting) to transfer the fork to the proper (right) hand before eating.

I was brought up with British traditions, but I often eat Asian food, where cutting up of a food is not something diners are expected to do, that is is done as part of cooking. With no need to use a knife at all, it would be madness to use your left hand rather than right to hold the fork. (Assuming you are right-handed.) It's actually a compromise with my own tradition to use a fork at all, a spoon would be considered normal for eating a rice-based dish, if not using chopsticks.