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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cancelling plans to avoid drinking

61 replies

Workreturner · 10/12/2018 12:55

I have a two wonderful separate groups of friends. Known them all for years. They have all been tremendous support over difficult few years. I love their company.

A few things have been arranged over this festive period and all involve meeting in bar or pub for drinks.

None are heavy drinkers at all but each enjoy no more 3 glasses of wine over the course of an evening.

In recent years I have got very in to fitness and whilst I like wine, I drink very rarely these days. This type of socialising doesn’t hold the same enjoyment anymore as I want to be able to get up and go for run or swim.

I don’t want to go out and have a soda and lime whilst others tuck in to wine. It’s silly but that’s the truth.

Anyone else struggling with socialising this time of year when so booze focussed ?

OP posts:

Whitescarf · 10/12/2018 12:58

It sounds as if you just don't want to see them, and you're using the not drinking as an excuse.

I don't drink alcohol but I enjoy seeing my friends and am more that happy to have a non alcoholic drink whilst we're out.

BlueJava · 10/12/2018 13:02

I don't drink any alcohol as I suffer from migraines and even a small amount can bring one on - frankly it's not worth it. Sometimes I will go out and drink water/soda/J2O but I do find it a bit boring. I am going to a Christmas lunch with work colleagues but I know it'll turn into an all evening drinking thing, so I "prepared" by saying "I can come for lunch and the afternoon, but I'll have to go back to take my son to his music concert in the evening". It doesn't exist but it gives me a good get out.

Sirzy · 10/12/2018 13:03

If you genuinely love their company then surely you would just go but not drink? Or control your drinking?

ladymariner · 10/12/2018 13:06

Don't understand why you can't have a non alcoholic drink, your reasoning makes no sense. If they were all planning to go and get wasted then maybe you would have a point but they're not.

Original poster

Workreturner · 10/12/2018 13:07

I love their company
So I’m suggesting brunch / lunches instead.

I just don’t like this time of year for all the boozy evening stuff

I’m more of a brunch / lunch - fine throughout year but this time of year it’s more of the former

OP posts:

Enidblyton1 · 10/12/2018 13:08

Yes, it is silly! I hardly drink any alcohol, but never let it stop me having a good time with my friends. It sounds like you just don’t fancy going and trying to convince yourself it’s to do with alcohol.
(which is fair enough - it can be a bit boring always meeting up with people in a pub/restaurants)

madmum5811 · 10/12/2018 13:08

Am happy to not drink and just enjoy the company of friends. I did last week, they arranged taxis because they wanted to eat and have a drink. I drove myself there and home. I had a great night.

Enidblyton1 · 10/12/2018 13:09

I’m with you there OP - give me a good brunch any day over evening drinking!

Sirzy · 10/12/2018 13:09

So they have made plans and you want them to change them for you because you can’t not drink or control your drinking?

PotteringAlong · 10/12/2018 13:11

So during the year they fit in with you and do lunch / brunch and then now when they want to go to the pub in the evening because it doesn’t fit in with what you want you sack them off? Seems a tad unreasonable...

Sparklesocks · 10/12/2018 13:12

It would be a shame to miss out on seeing them because of this. There are a lot more non alcoholic options than there used to be, and maybe you could get food so it’s not booze centred? Then you could say I love seeing you but I don’t really drink anymore, next time we meet can we go for lunch/dinner/bowling instead?

OracleofDelphi · 10/12/2018 13:13

Im sorry I think thats a bit odd.... If you really like your friends you dont mind what you do with them. With some of my closest friends I do things like go for a dog walk, an exercise class, round their house for tea, out for dinner, to the pub for drinks, a walk on the beach. Im not bothered what we do as long as we can catch up. I took medication for 3 years that meant I didnt have a single drink. It would have been a pretty lonely time if Id not met up with anyone if they were having a drink! Either you like them in which case drive, go for 2 hours, drink soda water and come home, or meet them for lunch instead (but PS their might be booze involved in that! ). I dont get how you can happily meet for lunch where people might be drinking, but dont want to chat in a pub?

Tippexy · 10/12/2018 13:14

Sounds like you’re not being honest to yourself about how you feel about your drinking.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/12/2018 13:15

Yes yabu. You can have a great evening without drinking. And 3 glasses of wine max over an evening is hardly likely to render them incoherent. If they are good friends then you should be happy to spend some time with them.

RedSkyLastNight · 10/12/2018 13:16

If I go on a night out with friends, the main reason is to see my friends. Unless it was an evening specifically designed for everyone to get as drunk as possible - which is not the case here - then it shouldn't remotely matter what you are drinking.

carrie74 · 10/12/2018 13:19

I understand the frustration of knowing you'll be exercising the next day (and for me, I just don't deal with hangovers at all well, and I hate the thought of losing a day to recover). I will still have one or 2 drinks though, this won't impact on my ability to exercise the next day. And lunch/brunch would make no difference to whether we're drinking or not, it's just part of the social scene. However no one would care that much if I was drinking or not (despite what people think, they'll ask once or twice, but it's just politeness, then they don't care what you're drinking).

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 10/12/2018 13:25

I think it's a bit odd tbh.

If you really enjoy their company why would you not want to go for a chat? It's hardly like they're getting blind drunk. Max 3 glasses of wine over an evening is not masses, most of it they will only be tipsy at best. Do you not drink at all? You could have one small glass and then soft drinks if you didn't want soft drinks all night. It's a bit sad your going to miss out on seeing your mates because you want to get up and go for a swim.

What is it about the presence of alcohol that you don't like? I'll happily go to the pub at my mates and not drink, I enjoy their company.

Orchiddingme · 10/12/2018 13:41

I don't think of big groups as going out for brunch/lunch so much- evenings tend to be a bit more relaxed and easier to arrange as can do after work.

I don't drink but I enjoy the company of lots of people that do- they aren't usually totally slaughtered and it all seems quite jolly. I must admit I don't really get this issue.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/12/2018 13:42

How is 3 glasses of wine making them drunk; or you unable to go for a run or a swim the next day?

If they fit in with your preference for most of the year, I'd try and fit in with theirs now. Unless you've actually just outgrown them as friends.

Aridane · 10/12/2018 13:44

I don’t drink and am quite happy to meet friends who enjoy alcohol for an evening drink

NotTheFordType · 10/12/2018 13:44

Lots of denial on here.

OP do what you need to do to stAY
OH GOD HAS IT HAPPENED AGAIN

SushiMonster · 10/12/2018 13:47

YABU

If you want to see your friends, go at the start and have a softie and go home early to get your sleep before swimming.

If you don’t want to see them, do them a favour and stop wasting their time the rest of the year.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 10/12/2018 13:49

Surely you can have a glass of wine then move on to juice? If you stay out a bit late you could miss one run or swim surely? Unless they're getting wasted I don't see the issue. Is the exercise a bit of an obsession with you and being around alcohol makes you anxious?

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2018 13:50

I find this a bit odd also. You can go and not drink, and a couple of glasses of wine won't stop you exercising rhe next day. The fact you need to avoid it totally is something that I think you need to think about.

Canibuildasnowman · 10/12/2018 13:51

If you don’t want to drink don’t drink, but I don’t see why that means you can’t go to meet them. You’re saying I don’t want to drink but I do t want to go out and not drink! Are you sure that you want to see these people? I frequently meet friends out in a pub for a birthday or social event and don’t drink while they do because I still want to see them. I just have an AF beer or soft drink. And if it gets too lairy ( which is doesn’t usually) I can always leave then.

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