Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cancelling plans to avoid drinking

61 replies

Workreturner · 10/12/2018 12:55

I have a two wonderful separate groups of friends. Known them all for years. They have all been tremendous support over difficult few years. I love their company.

A few things have been arranged over this festive period and all involve meeting in bar or pub for drinks.

None are heavy drinkers at all but each enjoy no more 3 glasses of wine over the course of an evening.

In recent years I have got very in to fitness and whilst I like wine, I drink very rarely these days. This type of socialising doesn’t hold the same enjoyment anymore as I want to be able to get up and go for run or swim.

I don’t want to go out and have a soda and lime whilst others tuck in to wine. It’s silly but that’s the truth.

Anyone else struggling with socialising this time of year when so booze focussed ?

OP posts:
Chesneyhawkes1 · 10/12/2018 13:53

A run is the best way to cure a hangover 👍🏻 or just miss a day.

I used to be obsessed like this. Didn't drink cos I'd have to miss a days training. Actually stressed me out the thought of it.

Then I realised life was for living and something which was a hobby I was meant to enjoy shouldn't stress me out.

So I chilled out a bit and gave myself permission to have fun and have a day off the next day if needed.

In the grand scheme of things one day without a swim or a run is nothing unless you are preparing for the Olympic Games 😊

Lookingforadvice123 · 10/12/2018 13:59

YABU, unless they're all planning on getting shit faced as quickly as possible, which is understandably not very enjoyable for a non drinker. I'm pregnant so not drinking this year, but I'm still going to stuff! It's more the late nights I'm struggling with, but I can just go home earlier than everyone else.

Sirzy · 10/12/2018 14:00

Exactly chesney

We have found over a few years of testing that Guinness makes good fuel for runs the next day. Cider less so Envy

ShesABelter · 10/12/2018 14:06

What difference does it make when they only drink a few wines anyway and don't get steaming. Surely time you enjoy their company you can go anytime and still enjoy yourself drinking or not. Pretty selfish asking people to change to meet for a brunch to suit just you.

babybunny123 · 10/12/2018 14:09

I actually feel the same. I do not drink and I love my friends, but too much alcohol is involved which sometimes can change people's personalities for the worst. I dread it when they say lets meet in a pub because I know what's coming!

LL83 · 10/12/2018 14:13

I can understand not wanting to go to a really boozy night out and be sober. But not being able to socialise as your friends are having 2-3 glasses of wine seems a bit over the top.

Go you will enjoy it almost as much as a brunch and make it brunch next time. Would be ashame to drift apart as you enjoy exercise now. They might all be the same as you come Jan.

TellItLikeItReallyIs · 10/12/2018 14:15

I don’t want to go out and have a soda and lime whilst others tuck in to wine. It’s silly but that’s the truth

Why?

This can only be because of a very limited number of reasons:

  • you don't enjoy their company & need a glass of wine to have fun with them (if you want to see them and so having a soda & lime is no different from meeting them for a coffee.)
  • you are self conscious about not drinking and this overrides your desire to see your friends.

-you really want to have a glass of wine yourself and find it easier to stay away from temptation (do you have a drink problem do you think? It's actually a good way of coping if you find it hard to say no, at first stay away from social situations until you can manage it better. There's no shame in that.)

So which is it?

HugoBearsMummy · 10/12/2018 14:17

DH doesn't like drinking much, we never drink at home and rarely drink if out with friends, or at a BBQ we'll just have a couple maybe ... but he went out Sat night for his annual Xmas drink with friends, they're all big drinkers, it wasn't his choice of a perfect evening out but he got to have a catch up with mates and had a laugh (they don't often get together as busy with family commitments etc)... sometimes you just have to go with the flow... and to not want to go because of missing one mornings exercise is borderline obsessive IMO...

WendyCope · 10/12/2018 14:17

Totally odd attitude. Plus anyway, brunch always involves a bucks fizz or bloody Mary. If you don't want it, don't have it. Very simple.

WizardOfToss · 10/12/2018 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 10/12/2018 14:26

You can’t expect them all to change their plans just because you don’t want to drink. And 3 glasses of wine is hardly excessive drinking.

Just go and don’t drink, if you don’t want to then don’t go.

Blooger · 10/12/2018 14:27

Two things here.

  1. I'm also a non-drinker, as is DP, and when we socialise we have absolutely no problem asking for a non-alcoholic drink. The worst that can happen is that your host thinks you are a recovering alcoholic and assumes that's why you are abstaining! But we really don't care what assumptions are made... In my view there is no good reason to avoid going along just because of inhibitions about being seen not to drink. Plenty of folk don't drink alcohol, due to health reasons (including being on medication that doesn't mix with alcohol), religion, and cos they just don't like the taste. It is common nowadays and not a reason for shame.
  2. The above doesn't cover the other problem with boozy events, in that some people (even those with only a couple of glasses of wine or a single beer in them) turn into noisy idiots who talk rubbish. At this point I make an excuse and go home. If this is your experience with your friends, then I don't blame you for making an excuse and being 'busy' when these events take place.
MarilynSlumroe · 10/12/2018 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BikeRunSki · 10/12/2018 14:43

^
Am happy to not drink and just enjoy the company of friends. I did last week, they arranged taxis because they wanted to eat and have a drink. I drove myself there and home. I had a great night.^

I fo this, largely due to rural living, but also because I don’t want to write off the following morning/day. Because I also like running, swimming etc. I am perfectly capable of having fun without an alcoholic drink.

BikeRunSki · 10/12/2018 14:44

Also, i’m Usually too busy in the day for brunch.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 10/12/2018 14:45

In recent years I have got very in to fitness and whilst I like wine, I drink very rarely these days. This type of socialising doesn’t hold the same enjoyment anymore as I want to be able to get up and go for run or swim.

Are exercise zealots the new ex-smokers?

ReanimatedSGB · 10/12/2018 14:49

It's fair enough if someone has a drink problem, and has only recently given up alcohol, for that person to avoid pubs and bars for a while - even more so if there are other people in that person's social circle who are likely to try to push them into having an alcoholic drink.
And some people are such catsbumfaces about alcohol that it's better for everyone if they don't attend social events where others are going to be drinking it.

But it sounds like there might be something else bothering you, OP. Maybe you have outgrown these friends, or at least your life has gone in a different direction (there's no inherent maturity or moral superiority in preferring exercise to having a couple of drinks and a gossip, but people's tastes do change sometimes). Or maybe you are a bit concerned about whether or not you will be able to avoid drinking too much if you are with others who are drinking.

Lovemusic33 · 10/12/2018 14:54

I am the same as OP, I don’t drink and I now hate being invited out to a bar or pub unless it’s for a lunchtime meal, I often end up being the driver and I don’t enjoy watching everyone else get pissed. I’m happy to go out and do other things with friends (shopping, activities, lunch) but this time of year I tend to socialise less as everyth No seems to be about going out to drink.

abacucat · 10/12/2018 14:57

I suspect OP you have real alcohol problems and the only way you avoid alcohol is to avoid being around anyone drinking it. I say that as otherwise what you say makes absolutely no sense at all. In that case be honest with them.
If you do not have an alcohol problem, the you have a very weird way of thinking.

abacucat · 10/12/2018 14:59

And I hate going out for lunch during the weekend in the winter. We have hardly any daylight hours at all and I don't want to spend in a restaurant. I would much rather go out in the evening when it is dark. My DP does not drink alcohol at all and goes out as well. But then I don't go out with people who get pissed.

abacucat · 10/12/2018 15:01

If you suggested going out for a walk during the day at the weekend, I would join you though.

AnotherPidgey · 10/12/2018 15:06

It's an odd attitude to have in the circumstances you've described. If they were heavy drinkers on a mission to be drunk, I could understand.

I've gone out with friends the night before running races and have just been more mindful of food and drink choices so that I can wake fresh and early the next day without digestive upset.

I don't have a great tolerance for alcohol anyway, so naturally reach a sweet spot where I switch to soft drinks anyway. Heaving loud bars and clubs have little attraction for me as you can't hold a conversation and standing nursing a drink is uncomfortable, but that's the environment being a problem rather than alcohol.

coolestmum · 10/12/2018 15:07

How would having 2 or 3 glasses of wine stop you going for a run the next day?
2 or 3 bottles would probably be a struggle, granted.

PerfectPeony · 10/12/2018 15:12

I don’t drink either but would still want to go and spend time with them, it doesn’t sound like they are binge drinkers.

I’d go and have a mocktail. I don’t think you need to drink to maintain friendships, do you think they would judge you for not drinking? Is that why you don’t want to go?

abacucat · 10/12/2018 15:15

The way you talk about exercise makes me wonder if you had an alcohol problem and are now addicted to exercise. Some people have addictive tendencies.