To ask what you would do? Neighbours arguing

[TheDeuteragonist]

We have just moved into a new house.

Haven't met the neighbours yet but seen them in passing and smiled and said hello.

I've been working late tonight and decided to have a clean when I'd finished.

Was listening to a ghost story podcast and heard banging. Sounded like it was coming from upstairs.

Went up to check on DD, thought she'd fallen out of bed but she was fine. Came back down and heard banging again, felt like it made the ceiling shake.

Went up again and sat on the landing and deduced it was coming from next door. Pressed my ear to the wall and it's the neighbours arguing. Well, more like the man shouting. Lots of banging going on. I couldn't hear the woman at all.

I know there are kids in the house, 2 young ones.

DP works nights so I text him basically not really knowing what to do. He says to stay out of it but the banging really scared me as I couldn't place what it was (I.e not doors being slammed).

I asked DP if I should call the police but he says not too. How would I feel if someone called the police when we argued? I responded that we shout sometimes (rarely) but we never make that level of noise with it and there's usually two voices shouting.

I really don't know what to do. I'm home alone with DD so don't really wanna knock on and look nosy but I don't want to sit idly by while something bad happens to someone.

What would you do?

I'd phone 101. Ive had similar with my own neighbours and done the same. Id hate to think id sat and listened to the banging if someone is getting hurt and done nothing, especially if there are young DC there being subjected to it.

My DP said the same as yours but Ive called the police more than once.

Call the police. I wish someone had done it for me back when I was with exH!
If it’s nothing there’s no harm done is there?

Ring them.

I've been the woman in that situation. When I left him, my neighbors told me the almost called the police a few times as they thought he was killing me.

He was abusive and probably would have eventually. I wish they had called.

I'm not saying this is your neighbor, but you never know. I say it's better to be safe than sorry.

That's exactly what I thought.

DP has made me feel like the nosy neighbour now though.

It's shaken me because my parents used to argue like that and it was often physical.

All has gone quiet now, so I'm even more conflicted. I went outside to put something in the bin and all the lights are out. I haven't heard or seen anyone leave the house.

I feel so bad for not going with my instinct and actually calling when I heard what I did!

If it happens again don't hesitate to call the police.

I've been in a situation where I desperately needed somebody to call the police, many times, and nobody ever did.

I'd call, no hesitation. I've called on my neighbor over the road before when I could hear things being smashed. I hope to god she was ok.

If it happens again please call 101.
I've been the woman being battered and no help came.
And much later the woman that called 101.
It's always the right thing to do.
Don't feel bad about this time. Just remember for next time.

I called the police in this exact scenario. Didn't regret it. They ended up spilt. He was a nasty piece of work.

I will definitely call if it happens again.

Still quiet here.

I usually see the lady taking the kids to school first thing so I'll keep an eye out for her in the morning.

I'd hate to think if it were me no one would reach out to help and just listen to it all unfolding.

And I should say I told the police I was on my own and please don't make it obvious who called. They were fine.

I experienced something similar, man shouting without a break, banging or crashing and no real response from the woman apart from whimpering.

My instinct told me it wasn’t just a couple arguing. That is something different, raised voices but it goes back and forth even if one is louder. So I called a friend who is police officer. His advice was to dial 999 if I thought someone was in danger. I did and they showed up. They denied anything but it stopped for a while but then started again. It went on for quite some time until she left him. When I asked her about it she said it was her problem. My police friend said that was depressingly normal and he always dreaded the outcomes of these situations if the woman doesn’t leave.

It’s very upsetting to hear (worse to experience) and not something I think you could stay out of. I don’t know why people do. I would rather be wrong than do nothing.

Ring. Request that they treat you anonymously e.g. don't come to your door or let on you've called for your own safety

Worst case scenario- she could be seriously injured and saved by the call

Best case scenario- police ring you back and confirm welfare check showed all were fine

If DH and I had an argument, I’d be fuming if one of our neighbours called the police! Seriously, can people not have a row in the privacy of their own homes? Reporting it to the police isn’t going to get you off to the best of starts with your new neighbours, is it? Sure they can keep it anonymous, but it will obviously be 50/50 between you and the people on the other side as to who reported them. From your post it sounds like this is the first time you’ve heard them arguing. I really think you should mind your own business unless it becomes a regular occurrence.

I would definitely ring the police, OP. Even if the lady herself chooses to stay with her abusive partner, the children have no choice at all and will be traumatised. Flag it up so the police can make a SS referral if they feel it is necessary.

Hope your neighbour is OK today...

If it’s at the level where you’re concerned for someone’s safety, if the banging sounds like things being hit or thrown ect, phone 999.

I’m a police call handler and that kind of call would be on an immediate response grade as someone could be at risk of harm. The banging ect makes it sound like possible violence not just a verbal row.

@Dongdingdong did you miss the banging?

It would be reassuring if the woman was also heard arguing and not simply banging happening

What could that banging be? DIY mid row - sure, but you'd hear the woman too and at midnight it's too damn late and noise pollution at the least

Banging her about- a real possibility she's being physically attacked

Banging posessions about- that's fucking terrifying too when you're the abused and your things are being smashed up

Dongdingdong If the row is causing OP's ceiling to shake at midnight, that takes it outside the privacy of the neighbour's own home. Even if no one is in an unsafe situation, it's a very inconsiderate time to have an argument loud enough to disturb next door.

I have rang the police twice about my neighbours . Once 999. No regrets. They apologised to us actually - and we still manage to have friendly neighbourly banter. Please don't ignore. If your are fearful, imagine how the one being shouted at is feeling!?

The lack of noise from the other party suggests a kid is being beaten about. Many young kids who grow up abused don’t make a sound when they’re being beaten — I knew a few who didn’t even cry when their arms / legs were broken. Follow your gut and call the police next time it happens.

Even if no one is in an unsafe situation, it's a very inconsiderate time to have an argument loud enough to disturb next door.

But the OP has only just moved in so doesn’t know whether this is a regular occurrence or a complete one-off. If it is a regular thing then of course she should act, but to call the cops out for what could be a once in a blue moon argument would not be a good move if she’s hoping to have have good relations with the new neighbours IMO.

@Dongdingdong so it's fine if the woman was killed last night?

Because OP doesn't know if she's regularly physically abused and shouldn't risk saving a life in case it gets her off to a bad start with her neighbors?

Yes Cherries101 that's a hideous thought but a real possibility

Even just witnessing a parent smashing up the place is terrifying let alone if it's your mum being beaten, your things or you as a child

But the OP has only just moved in so doesn’t know whether this is a regular occurrence or a complete one-off.

Which justifies her calling the police, surely? She's got no way of knowing whether someone is at risk, and assuming all is well, her neighbours can't expect her to know that this is the only row they've had in three years, so they can't blame her for being concerned.

I agree with Dongdingdong. You’ve heard them arguing once, you’ve only just moved in. The constant banging seems a strange noise for someone being beaten up-which I assume is what youre worried about. It could be any number of things.

As a previous victim of DV... who knows quite a few victims of DV now...

Please keep us safe by making it your business.

I once decided not to interfere with a neighbor... there were police stationed outside the door for a few weeks after, so you can imagine what happened. I wish I had interfered enough to make a call.. I didn't because I was scared. I regret it dreadfully and still have nightmares from time to time