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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being sad about cancelled plans..? And what can I do...?

56 replies

ChachachaBoom · 09/12/2018 22:13

It was my birthday over the weekend. I've had a fantastic time with some friends and their families and I'm very lucky!

But I had plans with my boyfriend tomorrow and booked a day off work especially as I told him I'd love to spend time with him. He's cancelled the plans. This actually happened mid of last week where we had plans. So now I'm left not having seen him for my birthday (which meant a lot to me) and with another day off work which is wasted and will be spent alone. I do not have kids and I'm alone often so there's not much of a novelty in this for me.

Aibi to be a bit annoyed? And can anyone suggest what might be nice to do rather than moping all day? I'm short on money at the moment so nothing too expensive.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 09/12/2018 22:18

Out of curiosity, why did he cancel?

As for what to do, go sightseeing, visit a free museum, take a book to a coffee shop and chill, see the Xmas lights, go on a country walk (if near) go to see a cheap matinee at the cinema and take own snacks. A lot of cities have outdoor ice skating this time of year.
HTH.

Hohohonooo · 09/12/2018 22:19

Well first off, Happy Birthday! YADNBU to be annoyed at him cancelling last minute, how rude! Did he have a good excuse?

What kinda things do you like to do? I work shifts so often have a weekday off on my own, I love a lie in, cooked breakfast, long walk with family member's dog, bath and a good book :).

MirandaGoshawk · 09/12/2018 22:26

Happy birthday :) Sorry you feel let down. What do you do for a treat? Do that! I would go for a long walk or to a dance/zumba class if there is one, then a fancy coffee and cake. Is there a friend you could meet up with? I like the idea of the library too to choose a book.

Original poster
ChachachaBoom · 09/12/2018 22:27

I don't want to say the reason in case too outing.. both times were different reasons. One I think he could have got out of. But they are valid reasons and I do feel badly about being annoyed.

Id enjoy to go on a walk and that's what I hoped we'd do together but I dont know if it's a bit odd going alone without a dog... I don't want to be cooped in getting upset but I know that I can be prone to being negative at present due to some MH issues I'm having.

I feel hurt though. I wish he'd try a bit harder Sad

OP posts:
sackrifice · 09/12/2018 22:28

Can you cancel the leave and go work?

EustaciaPieface · 09/12/2018 22:28

I would book a last-minute massage - bliss! Sorry about your plans being cancelled OP, hope your boyfriend makes it up to you soon xx

olivertwistwantsmore · 09/12/2018 22:28

Hmm, why not bin your bf? Doesn’t sound like he’s making much effort. Happy birthday!

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 09/12/2018 22:33

If he doesn’t actually want to (and consequently does) make it up to you he’s an arse.

YANBU.

AutumnB · 09/12/2018 22:36

Nothing wrong with going for walks alone. It can be quite liberating! I've done mountain hikes (safely) alone. If the weather is dry then get yourself out there.

Atalune · 09/12/2018 22:55

Go to work

Go to the spa with a good book

Go to the cinema

MintCassis · 09/12/2018 22:56

YANBU and I can understand how you feel. It's my Birthday this weekend too and my boyfriend and I had plans for yesterday but a misunderstanding about our plans left me feeling very disappointed and upset (which I hid from him initially as I felt I was being silly about it). We've just had a chat though and talked things through which has helped and we're both feeling happier.

Can you talk to him again and explain how you feel and how much it means to you? He maybe doesn't realise how important it is to you. My BF's family don't really 'do' Birthdays where as my family always make a big deal of them so we each have different expectations.

Is he busy all day or is there a chance you could do something in the evening?

crumpet · 09/12/2018 23:01

Go to work and take the day off again when you’ve had time to properly plan something that you would like to do

Stars1979 · 09/12/2018 23:05

Spa and lunch with a book. No need to feel alone....no one is looking. Just enjoy a lovely day off. Make sure to have a lie in and get something as a treat for breakfast. Enjoy x

FearLoveAndTheTimeMachine · 09/12/2018 23:08

OP is short on money and people are suggesting spa, and a massage? I’ve heard that MN is like this but it’s the first time I’ve seen it in the flesh so to speak.

OP has your boyfriend actually pinned you down for another day ASAP to make it up to you?

EustaciaPieface · 09/12/2018 23:10

I walk alone almost everyday! Load up with podcasts, audio books or great music and you’ll love it. Enjoy xx

BackforGood · 09/12/2018 23:22

I can think of a billion ways to spend a free day - especially at this time of year!
However, would it not make more sense for you to go in to work, and save the day off to spend with your boyfriends another week or month if it means a lot to you, and, of course, if that is possible with your work ?

Sparklesocks · 09/12/2018 23:30

I’d be upset too OP, but it also depends if it was something unavoidable he had to cancel for or something not as important to determine my level of annoyance.

As for how to spend it, what do you want to do? A walk sounds really nice, this time of year it’s lovely with the crisp air and crunchy leaves underfoot. Can you treat yourself to a nice (inexpensive) lunch as well? Or a yummy slab of cake and a bit mug of tea?

Original poster
ChachachaBoom · 09/12/2018 23:35

Thanks. If the weather is OK I'm going to go for a walk and maybe take a book to read in a cafe somewhere.

I find it difficult to know when I'm being unreasonable and just trust my emotions. He's not arranged anything else. That's it, another bday gone.

I know I'm not acting like a fully grown woman In her 30s but I did want a special day with my bf.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 09/12/2018 23:37

I’d cancel the day off and book it when I had some plans. I’d ditch the boyfriend too; he doesn’t seem like a keeper.

Original poster
ChachachaBoom · 10/12/2018 08:39

I've told him how I feel this morning and there wasn't much of anything back.

I'm still off as I have slept through because I slept badly last night. Does anyone have other suggestions? I looked on treatwell and there are some spa deals around 40 pounds that I could poss afford. Weather is grim so don't know about the walk.

I feel so sad. I spend many weekends alone and I despite liking my company I do get lonely.

OP posts:
Alfie190 · 10/12/2018 08:49

Why are you spending weekends alone? Doesn't your BF want to spend weekends with you?

Singlenotsingle · 10/12/2018 08:54

Sounds like you're more invested than the bf is, OP. Did he get you a birthday present?

sackrifice · 10/12/2018 08:58

Not being funny but perhaps spend today dumping your boyfriend and forget the spa [always ridiculous advice].

You can still go to work, and make up the hour or two later in the week - don't waste it moping about.

trojanpony · 10/12/2018 09:15

Honestly, I wouldn’t be happy about this at all.

Unless his mum was having an emergency op etc. I wouldn’t be very understanding

And if this did happen I know a bigger better treat/surprised would be planned to make it up to me.

As a question why are you spending weekends alone??? Is this part of a bigger picture of prioritisation (or lack of)

Procne · 10/12/2018 09:22

This sounds like a symptom of something larger, OP. He doesn't sound very responsive to your needs, and you sound as if he's more important to you than you are to him. Is this just a minor blip in an otherwise happy and mutually loving relationship, or is it part of a pattern of behaviour?

Either way, happy birthday.

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