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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why how some parents think abusive emails to teachers are OK?

101 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 09/12/2018 20:54

I left the teaching profession a few years ago. Met up with a few ex-colleagues and we spent part of the evening talking about work, and it reminded me quite a few abusive/demanding/threatening/passive-aggressive emails I got as a teacher, which is something I don't experience at all in my new job. Made me wonder- what makes people think this is suitable to write to anyone like if they were some sort of lesser form of life?

Most of those people were professionals and I don't believe they would get away with writing abusive emails like this to their clients or co workers, and they would most certainly kick off if they were to get an email from a teacher in the same tone they wrote theirs.

I sometimes see parents here 'fuming' over things, it would be so lovely if instead of fuming everyone tried to just be nicer?

I once got an email written at 9PM on a Sunday about a parent 'fuming' over a detention set for their child for an undone homework their child SAID they completed. Which they did not, but anyway, parents got a different story and their child always tells the truth etc etc. At 8 am on Monday another angry email demanding immediate reply, and at 12 another email copying the headteacher that they want to take this disgraceful lack of response on my behalf up with the management. I haven't even seen the first two until I got to work, and taught full day with a break time duty, not that the parent cared. Or a parent who clearly has not read school policies before selecting a school for their child, and then spend weeks arguing that such or such rule is disgraceful, and how they even asked around their friends who were of the same opinion that it was pointless and so on and so forth.

Just some examples, as I experienced or saw others experience far, far worse, which I don't want to write about as some would be quite revealing.

I know there are some unacceptable things schools do do, but many other issues could be solved, or would not exist in first place, if people were a tiny bit more composed and treated others like they want to be treated.

Is it unreasonable to expect a civil communication, whatever the circumstances?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 09/12/2018 20:56

Yanbu, but this isn't restricted to teachers. Anyone who works in a customer service department of any business at all, also has to deal with this.

butterflywings37 · 09/12/2018 21:01

In customer service isn't it usually to the company not directly to the individual?

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 09/12/2018 21:01

arethereanyleftatall couldn't agree more. Reading the OP made my stomach flip with recognition for the situation and I'm not a teacher, just work in a Client and Customer services role!

Yanbu OP, people should try to be kinder to each other, I always think, I wonder what these peoples response would be if someone sent an email like that to a family member. They would probably be the first person to kick off.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 09/12/2018 21:02

butterflywings37 not in my experience or my collegues

Original poster
MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 09/12/2018 21:05

I actually worked in customer service, and yeah, it was worse sometimes, but also there was no additional responsibility I got as a teacher- where the pressure was on all the time- from kids, parents, SLT, Ofsted and whatnot.
I actually thought at the time every person in the country should work a week in customer service to see what it's like to be treated like lesser sort, and then maybe they would treat everyone else with more kindness.

OP posts:
smeerf · 09/12/2018 21:05

I think some people don't value things which are "free" - hence the rudeness to teachers and nurses etc.

SemperIdem · 09/12/2018 21:10

Because the general public are in fact, arseholes. Increasingly rude, unpleasant and entitled. This attitude is now filtering into areas which are not “service”, such as teaching.

My ex husband is a teacher and quite honestly, the man (his colleagues and the very vast majority of teachers too) deserve a medal for doing what they do, in the face of the never ending govn idiocy, increasingly poorly behaved pupils and horrendous parents.

tillytrotter1 · 09/12/2018 21:11

No teacher should even open emails from parents outside school hours and if parents want to see teachers they should have the courtesy to make an appointment, as they do to see their doctor or dentist. Do they go barging in there with their petty moans?
I fail to see why parents need to have an email address for a teacher at all, do they expect to have their home address too? Deal with problems in school hours, when the teacher can find the time.

EmeraldShamrock · 09/12/2018 21:13

Yanbu. I would never do it. It takes an arsey person to do it.
As others have said it is not just teachers, I work in customer service. This morning finishing an over night shift a lady ripped chunks out if me at 6.30am. I apologised on behalf of the company, agreed etc etc, No she wasn't finished. Hmm

arethereanyleftatall · 09/12/2018 21:14

When I worked in customer service, I made damned sure I gave more to the people who voiced their complaint nicely, than those who didn't. Maybe that should be the rule of thumb whatever someone is complaining about.
You're right,butterfly, it is mostly to the company, but very easy to take personally when you're the one answering the phone. One horrid customer could ruin my day, my week.

Alienspaceship · 09/12/2018 21:14

The emails I write to my children’s school are usually written in an aggressive, unpleasant tone. It’s the only way to avoid being fobbed off by them.
I am a teacher.

Jobbieseverywhere · 09/12/2018 21:15

I work with a lot of parents & children (not a school setting though) and find that a lot of children can be 'traumatised' by the slightest little thing!

Momo18 · 09/12/2018 21:18

I honestly think for some parents it's the teacher/pupil dynamic again. I've seen parents assert themselves in such a manner they totally disrespect the teacher and act like a naughty child, I've also seen the same parent turn round and grin to check who viewed their 'performance'. It's embarrassing to watch tbh.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/12/2018 21:19

It's such a shame that's the way it goes aliens. I've seen it so many times, people who bully companies/teachers get what they want because it's in the companies/schools interest just to give them what they want and move on.
My stepfather, an arsehole, would rant horribly at eg BT down the phone, he'd get what he wanted, probably have the person on the other end of the phone in years, then declare 'I knew I was right.' No, you're an arsehole.

Jaxhog · 09/12/2018 21:21

I think some people don't value things which are "free" - hence the rudeness to teachers and nurses etc.

This is the reason. Why people think it's ok the abuse anyone, and yet expect respect back beats me.

tillytrotter1 · 09/12/2018 21:22

The emails I write to my children’s school are usually written in an aggressive, unpleasant tone. It’s the only way to avoid being fobbed off by them.

You'd be the top of my fobbing list, I wouldn't even open any sent straight to me. Make an appointment if you wish to air your moans, you may have become more civil by the time you get there.

Alienspaceship · 09/12/2018 21:28

Er, the emails follow the reasonable approach in a meeting or email. My child is unhappy, I’m not being ‘an arsehole’.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/12/2018 21:30

I'm so sorry aliens, I've just reread my post. I didn't mean you were. I meant - it's a shame you have to write in that manner to get a response. It would be nicer for everyone if the nice emails got the most satisfactory results.

Alienspaceship · 09/12/2018 21:30

And by the way, if my child has been hit, bullied or excluded - it’s not acceptable to fob me off. The school is renowned for denying anything other than ‘everything is wonderful’.

Alienspaceship · 09/12/2018 21:31

Are there - oh I see what you meant Smile

Maelstrop · 09/12/2018 21:41

I haven't had many over the years, but at my new school recently, an angry parent approached me to berate me about an issue at a Parents' Evening. I don't teach her child but had spoken to various groups of parents about an app students should be using. She claimed her son knew nothing about the app, his teacher hadn't told him about it. His teacher HAD told him about it, it was on Showmyhomework and he just hadn't told mum aka Mrs Angry. She obviously hadn't checked Showmyhomework herself, despite having access. She was very arsey in front of other parents. Just like any other 'Customer Service' worker, I was polite and promised to investigate.

It's annoying, but I think pretty common in any industry with face to face customers.

xJessica · 09/12/2018 21:47

Some people are just horrid. I have nothing but respect for my DD's teachers, and in any contact I have with them, I'm always nice to them. I usually email to say thank you at the end of the year too. They do an amazing job and from what I hear I the playground, are hugely under appreciated.

londonrach · 09/12/2018 21:52

Reading this op im sooooo glad nhs doesnt do emails externally. I arrive at work and dont have time for the time forget emails till maybe lunchtime ifpatients not booked in. Honestly if this is how parents treat teachers i can see why teachers are leaving. Sounds like theres some selfish parents. Not everyone is on email 24/7 thankfully!

londonrach · 09/12/2018 21:53

#Toilet not time for second time

m0therofdragons · 09/12/2018 21:58

If I need to email a teacher then I'll do it outside of work hours but definitely don't expect them to reply until they're in work. No need to be rude at all but school ask us to communicate with them and as I don't pick up most days I go with email. Sending an email at 9pm is fairly normal imo - dc in bed so time for adults to collect thoughts.