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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be narked by hate lazy gift giving?

80 replies

Talith · 09/12/2018 14:48

I have a aunt who's lovely - really lovely but every single year for Xmas and birthdays without fail she'll ask me to give her "links for gift ideas" for the kids. Like, specific items with an amazon link.

Now - it's great that she's giving my kids gifts - I know some people's relatives couldn't give a toss, or buy ridiculous things that aren't appropriate...

BUT item then is sent directly to me, so I have to wait in, bunk off work for it, or go and get it from the post office.

FURTHERMORE she has never have ponied up for the gift bag so I'm wrapping the item too.

And coming up with ideas is a royal pain, my kids don't have ultra specific hobbies, so I'm grabbing at straws for things they largely won't be that fussed over when I've usually grabbed all the straws for my own gifts, and whilst I don't mind waiting in for parcels or whatever, having to wrap the bloody things really narks me off.

Am I essentially really ungrateful? I'd never post a gift that I'd not wrapped myself, and whilst I'll ask if people if there's anything in particular they'd like, I can pull a few ideas out all on my own. I think it's considerate and shows a bit of care and thought to try.

She's not a really elderly lady who's unsure what kids like (she's got kids and grandkids herself), she's not short of cash and in any case I've implored not to worry about gifting/just get an amazon voucher/fiver in an envelope but she insists on getting things "that they can unwrap" despite the fact that she's not the one doing the wrapping!

So am I colossally ungrateful or might I be a teeny bit reasonable in hoping not to have to do all the leg work for her?

On a side note I also get narked by Moonpig cards which are sent direct and aren't signed, if I pick out a nice personalised one I'll get it sent to me so I can at least sign the bloody thing. Just seems to lack care - bloody one click culture where any sort of effort is too much!

OP posts:
LJdorothy · 09/12/2018 15:32

She doesn't have to bother at all. Gift giving isn't an obligation! It's nice that your kids are getting something they want. What on earth is so hard??

Shambu · 09/12/2018 15:34

A couple of weeks before Christmas, her mum and her aunt came to visit, and went through ALL the things she’d chosen, and creamed off the best things to give to the girls themselves, and handed my friend a cheque! She had to think of yet more things for her dds, and buy them. She was fuming!

The word 'no' springs to mind.

BumbleBeee69 · 09/12/2018 15:35

A couple of weeks before Christmas, her mum and her aunt came to visit, and went through ALL the things she’d chosen, and creamed off the best things to give to the girls themselves, and handed my friend a cheque! She had to think of yet more things for her dds, and buy them She was fuming!

Not fuming enough to say NO Hmm

codenameduchess · 09/12/2018 15:38

Why doesn't the aunt just choose the gift wrap option from amazon? Then it arrives wrapped and no effort?

But tbh wrapping isn't a big job of you're doing it anyway. I

Sunshineonleaf · 09/12/2018 15:39

My DC are grown up now but there were many gifts that were given which were generous and thoughtful but just wrong. if only people would ask what they want.
And NO Vouchers please. Ever. I always had to buy them off them as they were invariable for the wrong thing a shop that doesn't have a branch near us or sold.
I would have loved your aunt's system!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/12/2018 15:39

As I said, @BumbleBeee69 and @Shambu my friend was stunned into silence by their sheer cheek, until it was too late.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 09/12/2018 15:49

I kind of see your point a bit. Having a properly wrapped thoughtful gift the kids love hand delivered by the aunt at a mutually convenient time is the optimum here. But at least she makes the effort and I suppose really you should be grateful for what she does do rather than being annoyed she doesn’t do more.

YABU about the Moonpig cards! If I have spent a huge amount of time picking the right pictures and text to personalize a card to a satisfactory standard and then typed the message inside, I’ll be buggered if someone decides that isn’t quite enough effort and I have to get it sent to me for pre-signing as well.

jessstan2 · 09/12/2018 15:52

You don't have to wait in or collect, I frequently buy from Amazon and am not here, they will deliver to a 'safe place' or neighbour - why not even to your aunt if her address is on the account.

If she lives not far away you can give the gifts to her to wrap.

I do think you are being ungrateful. You can always ask your children what they would like too, most choose their gifts as they get older.

Lovemusic33 · 09/12/2018 16:01

Just ask for amazon vouchers instead and then they can chose themselves a gift after Christmas?

bridgetreilly · 09/12/2018 16:01

OP, I'm with you. I think that's phenomenally lazy and massively cheeky. It's lovely that she wants to give the kids something and reasonable to ask for ideas. But it's up to her to get the thing, wrap it, add a gift tag and then hand it to you.

noenergy · 09/12/2018 16:03

You are lucky she buys anything at all and lucky it is something the kids will like and use rather than something they won't use. So YABU

MrsBobtonTrent · 09/12/2018 16:05

YANBU. I have the same, but from seemingly everyone. Both sets of grandparents, 3 aunts, 2 great aunts. It does my head in. If you can’t think of anything to buy, maybe you shouldn’t be getting someone a present. My parents are the worst as they will reject suggestions (too cheap, too expensive, not in line with their values etc etc). Exacerbated by one DC having a late December birthday, so I need choose two gifts. DC are bloody useless and never want anything. Which is fine - I can manage a few ideas from us and some novelties for a stocking. But not enough to meet the needs of 7 additional gift-givers who feel the need to buy gifts for children they have little relationship with. Hung up on DM last night after 30 mins of her histrionic wailing because I texted some book suggestions and apparently “no child wants books for Christmas”. Had enough.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 09/12/2018 16:14

I use to get this with my DC, both sets of GP's, my Aunt, SIL all expected me to come up with the ideas for my DC and my DH. SIL would do the buying but I was expected to that for the others and they handed the cash over. My DC are young adults now and the older generation have all gone, I miss them but I don't miss that Christmas shopping.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/12/2018 16:20

I get where you're coming from but look on the bright side - at least you have a level of control over what she gets your kids, and so you don't have annoying tat or repeat gifts.

I'm in Australia so to save my UK family from postage and "what do I get for the boys?" noises, I buy all the presents for them, then divvy them up according to budget from overseas relatives, wrap them all in different paper and then set up Skype calls so they can show said relative the present as they unwrap it and say thank you.

It's a fair whack of work - but I do take consolation from knowing what the boys are getting, I know they'll like/need it, it's not a repeat or useless tat (or just really fucking annoying - like a couple of things that DS got before I started this!) - so I suck it up. Mind you, having had a fall-out with one relative, that's one less set of presents to buy which I have to say is a relief!!

AnotherPidgey · 09/12/2018 16:33

DM asks me what the DCs would like... the trouble is it has to fall within the parameter of what she can buy in the small toy shop in her small town. I can go to my local branch to see what's in for inspiration... but I can't predict what will actually be in her smaller shop which then rules out the rest of that range for me to also buy from.

She is insufferably proud of refusing to go anywhere near a computer despite it being inconvenient to everyone else that has to do things on her behalf and leaving her dependent on an infuriatingly small and restricted town centre. I am sympathetic that she now finds larger centres difficult to get around.

I get the OP. It is a gift... but most of the labour falls back on to OP, the choosing, collection and wrapping.

Didiusfalco · 09/12/2018 16:37

Yes, give her that extra hug op. So many have families who don’t bother at all. I have no doubt that she is trying to make sure dc get something they like and there is only kindness meant.

Original poster
Talith · 09/12/2018 16:40

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Holy moly that's epic CF-ery!

MrsBobtonTrent - wowee that's exponentially irritating.

Glad I've got a few people who agree a bit! Grin and like I've said she's lovely and I know I am unreasonable to look gift horses in mouth.

As my children are getting older I think I can get them to make their own Amazon lists and yes wrapping isn't something I really need to do.

We also have lots of Xmas birthdays and so coming up with ideas isn't exactly hard but most of the obvious stuff has been picked off and so I really am just pulling rather spurious ideas out - seems so wasteful really.

ThumbWitchesAbroad what a lovely thing to do, so much care taken and I expect your relations (and children) are or will be extremely grateful for that. Being overseas must make things more complicated. I think what you're doing there is really thoughtful.

OP posts:
Yohooo · 09/12/2018 16:40

Fair play for accepting YABU - which, of course you are. 😌

I think giving kids things they actually want is by far the nicest thing to do. My kids would be delighted with this set up and wouldn't mind at all that the Auntie had actually had to put herself out.

Iloveacurry · 09/12/2018 16:43

Just ask for vouchers.

courderoy · 09/12/2018 16:43

My DPs and my MIL (the only relatives we have that do presents) ask me for ideas, then quite often ask me to buy and wrap. It sometimes annoys me too as it is getting really hard to choose things and there is pressure because i want them to feel that their grandparents have thought about them and chosen something they want!

That said they appreciate the gifts so I can suck it up.

cushioncuddle · 09/12/2018 16:43

Ask her to give them amazon vouchers so they can have the fun of choosing what they want. Mine would have preferred that.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 09/12/2018 16:46

My family sned stuff for DD in the post directly. I just leave it in the package it comes in. They don't care if its wrapped up.

Original poster
Talith · 09/12/2018 16:47

Vouchers are always vetoed on the basis that they "can't be unwrapped", unfortunately!

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 09/12/2018 16:50

If she doesn't like to give vouchers, ask for tickets for things, eg panto on /date/ or cinema vouchers so we can see /film/ on /date/, ice rink... You get the idea Smile

Minimal wrapping required and she feels she's given An Actual Thing.

Ceilingrose · 09/12/2018 16:54

You are a bit ungrateful.