to ask if you are a little bit controlling of your OH?

[sunflower1984]

If you were completely honest?

I don't let my OH wear sandals or flip flops as I can't deal with toes and feet in general.

Does it make me a bad person

I don't allow or disallow anything. DH does what he wants. He prefers me to say some things are OK, like spending the weekend at his mate's 150 miles away but he doesn't actually ask. If I had a good reason to want him not to, then I'd state it and he would - most likely - revise his plans.

Flip flops, female friends and wanking at work?

If only you could have made that alliterative

Flip flops, female friends and fucking himself?
Any better JacquesHammer?

Though I've had to stretch it a bit lot

Flip flops, female friends and fapping

Hmmm... Of course it can always seem that a DIL is controlling, to a MIL - because her son is no longer doing what she wants him to do.

I feel that since DH tends towards letting me carry the mental / organisational load in our family that it could seem that I am controlling - you could also look at it another way - he had s case of "learned helplessness" - this works in his favour much if the time 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also hate men in flip flops 🤣🙌

Smashing MaisyPops and JudasPrudy

My best friend is very controlling of her husband but he's an idiot in so many ways and without her ruling the roost he'd be nowhere in life. They're married with two kids and their own home and it's all thanks to her organising him and their lives. They're also very happy and the dynamic seems to work. It can be a bit awkward when she's ordering him around in public but he's used to it.

I try not to, although I use the phrase "not allowed" last night. He wanted a ski holiday with friends but I said hes not allowed another one until I can ski again, I've missed 4 years of ski holidays due to being pregnant or having a baby. Once youngest is 3/4 we can go as a family or just us grown ups with friends but we can't afford for him to keep going skiing every year on his own

The closest I've ever got to controlling my DP is to say that next month can he stay close to home because I'm due both of ours first baby and we would both hate for him to miss it. And he thinks this is just being sensible, not controlling! He today spent £300 on a bike. Could we really afford it, not really, but it's his money to do what he wishes with. And he doesn't like sandals, but if he wished to then I wouldn't stop him, despite that I hate even seeing feet.

I think OP may have some issues, and neither her or her OH sound like much of a catch tbh.

My DH is my partner in everything and a grown up. He wears what he likes, does his hair how he likes etc and we make joint decisions about family and house things. Because I love him for him and he individual, self-reliant and good person he is. I'd never dream of 'forbidding' anything, even if I didn't like it because he's not a pet. He's a human!

Well, there was a Hawaiian shirt that I complained about, a lot, so as to take the gloss off his Tom Selleck feelz. But then I had a jacket that made me look sickly, apparently, that he whined about until I got rid of it. I think over twenty read though, that's not too bad.

DH can absolutely wear and eat what he wants - once he took a packed lunch to an event; a friend said 'my wife would never let me eat that' (let's just say it contained a lot of processed pork) and I was gobsmacked; I am not a replacement mother.

However we have a young child, so going out/away for the weekend does need to be discussed as there are childcare implications - I would be mightily unimpressed if DH announced he was going on, say, a rugby weekend, unless he offered to take DD with him!

EWW, I couldn't be with a man that sends unsolicited videos (or even solicited videos) to other women. What a sleazebag.

I can't stand my husband's sandals, but I wouldn't dream of telling him he wasn't "allowed" to wear them. At least he doesn't wear them with socks.

Generally, we can each do what we want and I wouldn’t say either one of us is controlling. But we do have joint finances and joint childcare responsibilities so the impact of our choices on the other one must be considered. We wouldn’t tell each other what to wear or that the other couldn’t go away for the weekend for example. I did say no to his proposal to go back to playing football (one evening training a week and match every Saturday) when we had a baby and a two year old, but he didn’t push the issue... depends if that’s controlling or not I suppose.

My OH wants me to control him. What he eats, wears, sitting up straight at the table etc! He says if I don't grill him, he will just not do things. His mother brushes his goddam hair. He's 33 years old.

I HATE it. His mum tells me I need to get him to do this and that for her now because he lives with me.

Letsmoveondude - here are some bollocks. Your h sounds awful. Why do you stick around?

Op, Jesus. I’d have dumped him after the masturbating video. Wtf? Why didn’t you?

Sword - are you kidding? Sack off your useless ‘partner’ and his crappy mum.

I used to be until I realised:
1, It wasn't about me looking out for him it was about managing my own anxiety.

2, Infantilising him was cruel and demeaning.

We are much more independent and happier now, at times I try to 'help', he tells me what I'm doing, I apologise and thank him for the reminder 😅

He went to a strip club a few years ago, didn't bother me at all. Fwiw he hated it. Win win.

Isn't coercive control illegal now? Where is the line drawn? If a man told a woman she couldn't wear a skirt outside the house wouldn't that be seen as coercive control?

There has been the rare occasion when I have prevented DH from going out wearing his disreputable old shorts (they are a tattered and stained sight to behold - he wears them for gardening in the summer, and they show off his knobbly knees a treat).

Other than that, can't think of anything. I have even been known to drive him to the pub (and collect him again several hours later) so he can have a drink with his cronies mates.

Coercive control is illegal now and I really think women who laugh about it and think it's fine because their partners don't have an issue currently need to be careful to modify their behaviour because what might work now... might not work when you split up or when they finally cotton on that they don't actually like it

I didn't realise my ex was abusing me despite it was bloody obvious once I left and found myself in the freedom programme. All the hindsight in the world didn't change that at the time I thought I was okay with it because he apologised and apparently felt bad. It still was what it was... even if you think it's okay at the time

Only with money but he had a pretty bad gambling problem up until last year and still slips up sometimes and tells the odd lie.

Dh does what he wants, as do I. This thread has me thinking that I maybe am too much of a nag. If I don’t nag though, everything is left to me.
Admittedly, if dh says he’s doing/going xyz I do sometimes moan because it’s always me who is then left with 6 month old dd. He has a much better social life than me (this doesn’t bother me). I don’t care about him going out but I’d like the night off, which he’s happy to give me but my idea of a night off is at home infront of the tv in peace and quiet, which is never going to happen.
Hmmm I feel a bit bad now about my nagging!