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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off this?

61 replies

BeanieWeanie · 09/12/2018 11:13

So, FIL & partner invites myself, husband & 3 children (5,3,2) to christmas dinner. He now says as my children are fussy eaters, can they have their own dinner before they arrive.
I really dont like the idea of this as they will actually eat the dinner, (just a few extra sausages and less turkey & brussels).
I think thats pretty rude, its a special day for the kids most of all and i dont want them being excluded!
To make matters even worse!!! Hes invited BIL & SIL and their son (2 and also a fussy eater), who ALL WILL be eating Christmas dinner at the table!
However FIL is now moaning their isnt enough seats for everyone anyway so regardless my children cannot eat their.

Sorry for any confusion, miss punctuation or spelling mistakes, im getting ready for work and i needed to get it off my chest before i explode infront of a customers face.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/12/2018 11:15

It sounds like the real reason is that there aren't enough seats for you all. Yanbu to be annoyed. What did your husband think?

NewIdeasToday · 09/12/2018 11:17

That’s very rude. What does he expect your kids to do while you all eat dinner?

I’d just say thanks for the invitation but as you won’t all fit at the table you won’t be coming.

crispysausagerolls · 09/12/2018 11:18

Tell him to fuck off

Cornettoninja · 09/12/2018 11:18

I may be in the minority but I consider Christmas dinner one of those meals where it’s more important to have everyone sitting down together rather than worrying about fussy eaters. Beyond ensuring that there is at least one thing they’ll eat anyway.

Christmas dinner is as much about the crackers, stupid hats and general festive vibe as it is about the food.

You aren’t being unreasonable at all to decline the invitation as it is imo. If he’s concerned about seats a little child’s table could be set up (do you have one of those little ikea-esq ones?) next to the main table and the kids could just crack on with their own little picky lunch.

DelphiniumBlue · 09/12/2018 11:19

How can he invite them for dinner but then not feed them? That is w eird.
Maybe better to have dinner at home then pop round for a visit before or after, if he is local.
He wants everyone with him but can't actually fit them all in, and anyway 4 small children for Xmas dinner is going to be a messy affair! He's probably regretting asking everyone, although theoretically it sounded a good plan to get everyone together for Xmas.

AnnieOH1 · 09/12/2018 11:19

"We're going to do our own Christmas. It's really important to spend the day with the one's who love you and who you love... Enjoy your day too."

Unless there were two conflicting allergies that couldn't be balanced your FIL is so far out of line I doubt he knows it exists.

Original poster
BeanieWeanie · 09/12/2018 11:25

No allergies, he expects children will play in the other room! Bearing in mind that ever since having my first ive never sat down and had a meal with them as im always seeing to the kids and noone offers to help.

Also, husband thinks his dad has a point and if i want he will just say no although he will make me feel guilty about it im sure. Hes never wanted to have Christmas with his fathers partner being either so i dont get why hes up for it now.

I even offered to buy pudding Angry

Thanks for your replies

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/12/2018 11:26

My kid isn't a fussy eater and still doesn't eat much of Xmas dinner, the excitement and all the snacks and treats throughout the day just overwhelmes them.

I think unless he thinks he was expected to cook special food for them different to the adults then bringing up the fussy eating is just very very rude. Why does it matter to him if they only eat potatoes!?

If there isn't space though there isn't space. Could you just say you will all eat at home beforehand if he's short of space and go round for pudding or drinks after?

Otherwise, we are running out of space and give all the kids there under a certain age their own special table with more kid themed decorations and as they are with their cousins they seem to like it, could you suggest this? It does seem odd to exclude just your kids

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/12/2018 11:29

Will they eat Christmas dinner? If so tell him they'll be eating with all of you!

Alfie190 · 09/12/2018 11:31

I wouldn't go. Tell them you want to have Christmas dinner with your children.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/12/2018 11:33

I would say no. We either all eat together or we stay home and eat Christmas dinner before we pop over for tea. I can cope with a children's table in the same room but not excluding some of the children to a separate room.

CaptainsYuleLog · 09/12/2018 11:33

Don't go. He's rude.

user1484424013 · 09/12/2018 11:35

Grow some balls and tell your husband to fuck off.

Men like him make me sick

CoughLaughFart · 09/12/2018 11:36

Aren’t most children ‘fussy’ eaters? If all they want is a bit of white meat and some mash, give them that - it’s not like something the host wouldn’t be cooking anyway. The space point is a different issue.

xyzandabc · 09/12/2018 11:37

Can you tell him that they will be fine eating Christmas dinner and if seats are a problem say you'll bring some extra chairs. Either kiddy chairs with a small table, or folding chairs or stools would be fine, whatever you have. That's part of the fun of a big Christ mas dinner, everyone squishing in.
Or is it that he's changed his mind and doesn't actually want you and the children there?

Pumpkintopf · 09/12/2018 11:39

Very rude and if my children couldn't eat Christmas dinner with me I wouldn't be going.

LilMy33 · 09/12/2018 11:43

I think I’d have dinner together as a family at home and see FIL etc for an hour or so later in the day after everyone has eaten.

Pretty bad hosting to invite people for dinner and then essentially uninvite them because you’ve realised there isn’t enough seats for them all.

itbemay · 09/12/2018 11:44

YANBU I would be upset. There was never enough room for all at our table for Xmas dinner so I used to use a kids table alongside for the 4 little ones set up with kiddie tablecloth, crackers etc. It's about being together in my book, I never cared less who ate and who didn't!

StrongTea · 09/12/2018 11:44

We’ve had Christmas dinners where kids have had a separate table but in the same room, had folk bring extra chairs and a few time got huge bit of thick plywood stuff, put it over top of table to make table big enough for everyone to sit round. I wouldn’t be happy with his remarks.

CemetaryGates · 09/12/2018 11:45

I wouldn't go if my children were excluded from the family meal.

You also wouldn't be able to enjoy the meal, as you can't simply leave 5, 3 and 2 year old children in another room alone for the length of a meal.

itbemay · 09/12/2018 11:45

Exactly what @Cornettoninja said

GhostSauce · 09/12/2018 11:46

As if 3 young kids will just play quietly in the other room. If they're not sat up the table with you surely they'll be running in and out, wanting a sausage off someone's plate, and you'll keep having to get up to check what they're doing in the other room. It won't be an undisturbed meal.

It say it's a no, have your own Xmas at home.

WendyWoofer · 09/12/2018 11:46

crispysausagerolls

Tell him to fuck off

^ This ^

trojanpony · 09/12/2018 11:49

The issue is the seating I’d say, but YANBU

Fridaydreamer · 09/12/2018 11:51

If there was ever one meal of the year where everyone should included, fussy eaters and all, it’s Christmas Dinner.

Your FIL is being awful by excluding your children. If I were you I’d refuse the invitation for the sake of your children. Imagine if it became an annual thing. Poor kids.

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