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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off this?

61 replies

BeanieWeanie · 09/12/2018 11:13

So, FIL & partner invites myself, husband & 3 children (5,3,2) to christmas dinner. He now says as my children are fussy eaters, can they have their own dinner before they arrive.
I really dont like the idea of this as they will actually eat the dinner, (just a few extra sausages and less turkey & brussels).
I think thats pretty rude, its a special day for the kids most of all and i dont want them being excluded!
To make matters even worse!!! Hes invited BIL & SIL and their son (2 and also a fussy eater), who ALL WILL be eating Christmas dinner at the table!
However FIL is now moaning their isnt enough seats for everyone anyway so regardless my children cannot eat their.

Sorry for any confusion, miss punctuation or spelling mistakes, im getting ready for work and i needed to get it off my chest before i explode infront of a customers face.

OP posts:
Snowydaysaregreat · 09/12/2018 11:51

Tell him to shit in his hands and clap,
Stat at home and spend it all eating togther enjoying the day

Corneliusmurphy · 09/12/2018 11:53

We used to have a kids table when we were small at my house as there was only so much room but we were still eating in the same room as the adults.

Garden chairs are used when necessary or we bring extra dining chairs from home, my sister (who now hosts) keeps an eye on her local Facebook page for furniture too.

Otherwise he’s being completely unfair and I’d pop over later after dinner or even Boxing Day —or not at all, miserable arse—

MardyMavis · 09/12/2018 11:54

Stay at home ffs he sounds fucking joyous.

sockunicorn · 09/12/2018 11:54

(some of) your children will remember this christmas and how their cousin ate at the table while they were herded off into another room to play and werent "allowed" to eat with their family. tell him its probably just easier if you eat at home with them and his son will be there for dinner (and let your DH decide for himself).

Nousernameforme · 09/12/2018 11:56

We have ds with asd which comes with a whole host of eating issues. And sd is a vegan. Everyone will be sat round the table even if ds is eating reheated dominoes (his choice they do the best pizza ever apparently and he is fine having it reheated)

FadedRed · 09/12/2018 11:56

How rude! Sounds like he invited you and then decided he’d rather have the others without you.
‘Not enough chairs’ is as rubbish an excuse as it gets. You make three seats with two chairs + a plank and a cushion, or seat the littles on cushions on the floor around the coffee table, suitable covered with a tablecloth, their own little table. It’s Christmas, people sit on garden folding chairs with lots of cushions, the dressing table velour stool or the kitchen cupboard step-stool!
Stay at home and enjoy your day!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 09/12/2018 11:57

Tell your dick of a husband to have his dinner with his df and then consider where he thinks his priorities lie. No one ever would exclude my dc from a family event like this. "Fussy eaters fil? No just kids. Who you obviously want to exclude."

VictoryOrValhalla · 09/12/2018 11:58

If you invite someone for dinner who you know to be a fussy eater then you are agreeing to feed them food you know they will eat! You don’t get to invite people for dinner and then say “oh but you need to feed yourself something forts as I’m not making anything for you”

That’s ridiculous. That’s not what hosting is. Hosts cater to their guests! If you know someone is vegetarian or has allergies and you invite them then you cater for them!!

Iloveautumnleaves · 09/12/2018 12:01

Just say ‘Yes, FIL, our children can eat at home, no problem. We’ll call to arrange to see you sometime after Christmas’

Christmas Day - enjoy it at home where your children are included and can play with their new toys.

Creatureofthenight · 09/12/2018 12:01

You can’t invite a family to Xmas dinner and not feed the kids! And who cares if they only eat a sausage a carrot and a potato.
Absolutely appalling and total lack of understanding what Xmas is supposed to be about.
Tell your DH to reply that you are all declining the invitation as you are not eating dinner where your kids are unwelcome.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 09/12/2018 12:02

My kids have never eaten Christmas dinner until they got to their teenage years....... they were too full of selection boxes and croissants from breakfast but I'd never in a million years have excluded them from the table.

Don't even contemplate it.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 09/12/2018 12:03

Sod that!
Don't go.

HollowTalk · 09/12/2018 12:04

Why are you even thinking of going there? Tell him you'll see him another day.

Handsfull13 · 09/12/2018 12:09

As your now expected to go out and buy Xmas dinner for your kids now, I'd get it for all of you. Cancel going to fil for food and just go for an hour or so later. Enjoy your meal as a family first.

TORDEVAN · 09/12/2018 12:09

Last Christmas my SIL had her partner and partner's children with her, my MIL sat them at the coffee table as no room at the dining table. (Our DD was still newborn last Christmas) This year my DH and I discussed and it was decided that every other year (starting this year) we would go to his parents for Christmas Day. I said that's fine, but I'm never sitting at a different table to my children for Christmas dinner. My MIL just took delivery of a small extra table to put at the end of the main table to accommodate all the children plus room for a few more Grin

Stand your ground, don't let your children be separated, especially if other children aren't being separated.

bringbackthestripes · 09/12/2018 12:13

As kids there were times, if there were not enough chairs, we were kneeling & eating at a coffee table so we could all eat a meal together. No one would ever suggest we had to eat before we arrived.

I would tell FIL to stuff it and have your own Christmas at home.

Troels · 09/12/2018 12:14

Tell your husband to grow a pair. You will cook Christmas dinner for your own little family and if Dh wants to go eat with his dad tell him to take a suitcase and stay there.
Or maybe it's time to go to your side of the family this year.

Maelstrop · 09/12/2018 12:17

I wouldn't go given he wants to I exclude your DC, but not your nephew. How fucker up is that! Can't he borrow some chairs? My aunt is hosting I think 17 of us, no-one has that many chairs, she's borrowing from all of us to have enough.

EKGEMS · 09/12/2018 12:20

"My husband doesn't see the problem" put him in front of a mirror and then HE will see the PROBLEM

kaitlinktm · 09/12/2018 12:21

So if you were to go, and the children were in a separate room, would it be your husband or you who would be in and out like a yoyo to deal with them?

Tell your DH to do as he pleases, but you will be eating Christmas dinner with your own children at your own table.

I wouldn't even bother visiting on Christmas day - I did this for years with mine when they were little and it spoiled Christmas to some extent for them. Say you will see him on Boxing Day - or next year.

Cheerbear23 · 09/12/2018 12:23

Sounds like the underlying reason is the space at the table. Like others we’ve had a separate children’s table for my kids & their cousins, we used the garden table, cleaned it up and put a table cloth over it, job done. Is something like that an option?

Idlikeabunchofbananasplease · 09/12/2018 12:24

If it was me to save agro I would have Christmas dinner at home and pop in at tea time. Then there will be no tension the kids get to play longer with their toys and you get to relax the kids are traded no pressure. Hun it's not worth it Christmas is one day it's not worth getting het up about. Just enjoy it with your little family and you can still have a sort of buffea thing t tea time with the left overs everyone sit round the TV helping themselves to what they want. Hope it helps merry Christmas

madeyemoodysmum · 09/12/2018 12:27

Sod that. Don’t go. Tell him now you want to eat with your own children on Xmas day.

RB68 · 09/12/2018 12:30

Kids table and Mums do kids plates of food so minimising waste etc.

ahouseofleaves · 09/12/2018 12:31

Don't go. That's so rude. Your husband can go alone, but I would hope he'd prioritise his children. Some of them are sure to remember and perhaps internalise if he doesn't.

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