Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I want to leave my job but DH says no

60 replies

katya0 · 08/12/2018 21:29

I've currently been working at my job for over ten years, I'm 31 and its the job I've had since graduating from university. I get paid well but I really hate my boss, he's rude and when I went on maternity leave, tried to say that if I have my child, he'd fire me on purpose. I only returned to the job as I was getting rejected elsewhere and I needed security.

However, I want to leave my job as I've been offered another job but that doesn't start till March as the building is being renovated. DH has said that as my job starts in March, I can't quit now but I cannot stand to be there anymore and he tells me to suck up the bullying and move on. Every week I get picked on and only returned in June after my baby was born because we needed the money.

I've had enough but should I just stick it till March?

OP posts:

Avrannakern · 08/12/2018 21:31

Do you still need the money?

You've made it 10 years. It will seem harder now because you're practically staring at your way out, but it's just not here yet. But you can stick it out. If you need the money, then you can because in a few short months you will be outta there!!

Processedpea · 08/12/2018 21:33

yes stick it out, it's only a few months and will be good satisfaction to leave and go straight to another job rather than worry in case the other job falls through?

PostmanBos · 08/12/2018 21:33

Don't let your dh bully you either! Maybe you should leave him too? But you do need to be sensible about money. Could you get some temp work for the 3 months with an agency?

HollowTalk · 08/12/2018 21:34

Doesn't he have any sympathy for you?

Will your baby still get into the same nursery/CM in March?

Augusta2012 · 08/12/2018 21:35

Yes, he’s right, stick it out. If your new employer saw you’d left early, they might question that.

soupmaker · 08/12/2018 21:35

What's your notice period. It's less than 4 months to March. If you need the money then stick it out until maybe end of January and then have a break before starting the new place. You're bound to be feeling like you're half way out the door, so enjoy knowing you've not long to go.

Avrannakern · 08/12/2018 21:36

I actually can't believe someone just told you to leave your husband over this. It seems to be an automatic response on mumsnet... no matter what, the answer is to leave the husband. It's a bit toxic here.

EvaTheOptimist · 08/12/2018 21:38

Yay - you've got a new job! You have done the hard bit and found the way out.

I would have thought that if you go to temp agencies you can surely find some work to get some pay between now and March. When I temped I would often have 1 week assignments so the fact that you're unavailable from March shouldn't be a problem. It can be quite fun getting an insight into all sorts of different working environments.

PostmanBos · 08/12/2018 21:38

I like to get a LTB in where I can

Original poster

katya0 · 08/12/2018 21:41

My notice period is one month however one girl who I work with, knows I want to leave as she was one of the other candidates I was waiting with for my other job.

I don't get why I should leave my husband really, I don't think he's done anything bad?

OP posts:

Elphie54 · 08/12/2018 21:41

Please tell me you reported his threat of firing you if you had your baby. That is 100% illegal.

Original poster

katya0 · 08/12/2018 21:42

I looked for temp work but one work I was 'offered' turned out to be a pyramid scam run by an old school friend, I've looked on sites and most of them seem to be geared for school leavers.

OP posts:

BlueSkyBurningBright · 08/12/2018 21:45

I had a couple of months off a few times between jobs. I find it helps me shake off the other job and go into the new one refreshed and enthusiastic.

If you can afford it, then do it.

Original poster

katya0 · 08/12/2018 21:46

Yes I've reported him, however he refuted that I had no proof and informed me that as his workplace is stressful and long working hours, he prefers to hire those with no intentions of having children. I raised a grievance.

OP posts:

GretchenFranklin · 08/12/2018 21:58

Could you compromise? Stick it out till end of Jan/Feb?

Your boss is a wanker.

user1493413286 · 08/12/2018 22:03

Surely it’s a money thing? My DH would say the same based on the fact that we don’t have the money for me to not work for a month but if we had the money he’d support it

Justaboy · 08/12/2018 22:04

Please tell me you reported his threat of firing you if you had your baby. That is 100% illegal.

Yep! best in class british mamagment these days:(

GretchenFranklin

Seconded your comment!

Original poster

katya0 · 08/12/2018 22:07

Regarding the money issue, I didn't know our finances were dire as we've paid our bills on time and DH got a raise and we have a good disposable income unless he means he doesn't want me to be out of work for a few months. I thought he'd welcome the idea as it means I can spend more time with our DD who is 15 months.

OP posts:

NRPDad · 08/12/2018 22:08

Have you asked DH why he thinks you should stick it out?

What's your financial situation?

If you're very much reliant on your income to make your household budget work then your DH is not being unreasonable at all.

OHolyNightOwl · 08/12/2018 22:09

Leave if you can afford to. If you can't, then you have to suck it up(or get signed off with stress if it is too awful).
Continue pursuing the grievance. When they ask what you want out of it, say redundancy with immediate garden leave.

TulipsInbloom1 · 08/12/2018 22:10

Do you get full sick pay? If so, id recommend having the doctor sign you off. Take a month out. Reasses after that whether you can face returning for the last month or two.

Fatted · 08/12/2018 22:12

Surely you can just accept the new job and put your notice in come February if it's only a month?!

MeredithGrey1 · 08/12/2018 22:12

I’d say stick it out, but resign a bit early to give yourself a nice two weeks off in between (if finances allow it) as a reward for putting up with such an awful boss for so long. Christmas is just around the corner so (depressing as this is) that will probably fly by and it will be January before you know it and then you’ll be really nearly able to hand your notice in.

Ilovelblue · 08/12/2018 22:16

As nightowl said, carry on with the grievance and ask for redundancy and to be put on gardening leave. Could you use constructive dismissal in this case? Your boss is a bully plus saying he wants to hire somebody who has no intention of having a baby contravenes all sorts of employment laws surely?

10PollyPockets · 08/12/2018 22:16

Can you leave early Feb and have a month off? Seems a good comprimise. I wouldn't quit too soon as March is ages away and what if something happened and the start date was delayed or the job offer was withdrawn.

Flip

1 2 3