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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I want to leave my job but DH says no

60 replies

katya0 · 08/12/2018 21:29

I've currently been working at my job for over ten years, I'm 31 and its the job I've had since graduating from university. I get paid well but I really hate my boss, he's rude and when I went on maternity leave, tried to say that if I have my child, he'd fire me on purpose. I only returned to the job as I was getting rejected elsewhere and I needed security.

However, I want to leave my job as I've been offered another job but that doesn't start till March as the building is being renovated. DH has said that as my job starts in March, I can't quit now but I cannot stand to be there anymore and he tells me to suck up the bullying and move on. Every week I get picked on and only returned in June after my baby was born because we needed the money.

I've had enough but should I just stick it till March?

OP posts:

Original poster

katya0 · 08/12/2018 22:17

I only returned in June as we were reliant on my income at that point, however DH got promoted at work so we've been able to save more money and we don't rely on our income to survive.

I asked him and he said that he thinks a gap in my CV will not be desirable should I want to leave my next job.

I could stick it out yes, but as the end is in sight, it feels like its getting harder.

OP posts:

Avrannakern · 08/12/2018 22:19

Compromise then... agree that what you earn at your job is to be used purely for fun! Do something awesome with it together (or just for you) but would be nice to just have some mad money which you can do anything you want with!

Iloveautumnleaves · 08/12/2018 22:20

Can you afford not to work between now & then and still have DD in childcare part time, paying full time? Unless you’re moving her anyway, then you’ve just got the notice period.

The way you wrote it makes it sound like you DH isn’t isnt very nice. It’s one thing to say ‘I wish you could tell him to fuck off, but we just can’t afford it’ it’s another thing to say ‘Suck it up princess, if I have to work,, so do you’. None of us know what he actually said.

But what I do know is that no one would be TELLING me what I could or couldn’t do’. I’m not a child.

delboysskinandblister · 08/12/2018 22:20

re grievance i trust you are continuing to make a written record of dates and times of comments / incidents and send to HR and Union.

Have you got an end date in mind to incorporate any annual leave and just keep ticking off those calendar dates.

I am very sorry you are going through this. I am just trying to think of a strategy that best serves you in both the short and long term in the hopeful occurrence boss gets hit by a bus. Sorry, not very Festive

If it does get too much you must have another meet woth HR. Boss clearly does not like being stood up to so I would keep on stnading up to him.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 08/12/2018 22:23

I dont really get what leaving your job has to do with your husband? Just leave if you dont like it - he isnt your dad 😕

Iloveautumnleaves · 08/12/2018 22:24

I asked him and he said that he thinks a gap in my CV will not be desirable should I want to leave my next job

Bullshit.

Purpleartichoke · 08/12/2018 22:25

Being the sole breadwinner is a big responsibility. No one should have that forced upon them by a partner. Sure life happens, but the OP has a choice here.

TheBigBangRocks · 08/12/2018 22:27

I'd expect my DH to stick it out for such a short period of time. I'd support him through job loss or ill health but him quitting as he doesn't want to go to work, no. Likewise I'd not quit and leave him the sole earner.

Your DH doesn't want to be the only one working and providing, that's fair enough. If he decided to quit work would you carry on in your current employment and support him? Very likely not.

Thehop · 08/12/2018 22:29

Your husband sounds like he’s being a bit mean, if the finances allow it.

OHolyNightOwl · 08/12/2018 22:30

Employers would just think the gap in the CV was how long it took you to find a new job. A few months is normal.

Original poster

katya0 · 08/12/2018 22:32

I'm not too sure when I want to end working at my job, I do know that I should get a response regarding my grievance soon.

I understand that its my choice and that DH is not my 'dad' but I do feel like he probably doesn't feel like we will have enough savings for the future as he'll be sole breadwinner.

OP posts:

Hubbleisback · 08/12/2018 22:33

Leave your job. Life is too short! He will probably make your life even more miserable if he knows you are leaving anyway.

EvaTheOptimist · 08/12/2018 22:33

It wouldn't look like a gap on a CV that any employers would worry about. You've been at the same employer for 10 years! So obviously not flighty.

TheMagician · 08/12/2018 22:35

Leave on the first of February and then start the next job in march (some time).

It'll be fine. That won't look like a gap on your cv!

Delancy · 08/12/2018 22:35

If you've stuck it out for 10 years with a horrible boss I think you deserve a month off at least to spend with your daughter.
Just do what you want to. There will be other jobs.

If you're really worried give notice so that your last day of work is 1st February. That way your CV will have your current job to Feb 2019 and next one starting March 2019 = no gap. (Then try to start at the end of March!)

TheMagician · 08/12/2018 22:37

I agree with EvaTheOptimist, after ten years with the same employer, nobody would think you had an off-putting gap on your cv if you took a few weeks a month off between jobs.

delboysskinandblister · 08/12/2018 22:37

It you have any leave to use try to sandwich it between finishing this job and starting the next. I know that sounds obvious but, it would give you something light to lookforward to on the other side of Christmas and something to sim for rather than the mindset of something to escape. Particularly since you've been in the job for 10 years and it's only this shitty boss who has spoiled it.

If you feel yourself getting ill or you're losing sleep, book an appointment with Occupational Health.

delboysskinandblister · 08/12/2018 22:38

sim = aim

SparkleTheTinselKitten · 08/12/2018 22:41

I’d go for some kind of compromise, like leaving early.

You could finagle your leaving date a little, so your last day of work is 1 Feb, start new job on 1 March. Then one CV you put your working dates in month format e.g. Job A October 2009- February 2019, Job B March 2019- May 2028. Then it just looked like you worked notice til the end of the month.

As you’ve been in your first job for 10 years, you’re not going to look Folkestone.

Given the timing (end of tax year) you might also find you’d be due a bit of a tax refund (you might need to apply to HMRC for this) which could make bridging the monetary gap a bit easier.

Also thin about when you’ll take any outstanding holiday entitlement. This will either mean time off in Jan/Feb. They might not let you take holidays right at end of notice period so you effectively leave early, but some places do. If they insist you work up til end date, you’d have extra money to bridge any gap.

I would also say continue with the grievance and utilise an exit interview. I once started a new job to find the person who I had thought was going to be my boss had been fired. My predecessor and a colleague had both quit for new jobs at the same time, given damning exit interviews that corroborated each other and HR swing into action, as the company took staff turnover seriously as a performance indicator

SparkleTheTinselKitten · 08/12/2018 22:41

Folkestone? Flakey!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 08/12/2018 22:43

Stick it until the end the end of January, then have a month off before starting new job.
Maybe you could use those few weeks to do stuff round the house that you just don't have time for when working full time.
Have a mega coking session for freezer so that you've got loads of meals available to defrost once you're back at work.

WillChellam · 08/12/2018 22:45

@Tulipsinbloom1

Please don't ask your doctor to sign you off unless there's a good reason.

It is fraud. They could be struck off.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/12/2018 22:46

Does your H generally behave as though he is your boss/owner and you must obey him? Depending on the state of your household finances, he might have a point ie it will make life harder for you all if you have no wage coming in for a couple of months, but he should at least be stating it in those terms - 'listen, love, I know it's awful but could you just stick it out a bit longer so we can afford a holiday/to have a safety net/not have to cancel the cable package'.

You do know what the family budget is, don't you?

epicclusterfuck · 08/12/2018 22:51

I would stick it out a bit longer as there could be delays in the building renovation and your new job start could also be delayed.

Original poster

katya0 · 08/12/2018 22:53

He behaves as if we are equal partners and is generally very understanding and caring. I do know what the family finances are and I know he wouldn't have purchased something big without my permission. We have discussed investment but I would definitely know if he invested in something without me knowing.

OP posts:

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