Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unfair or aibu

75 replies

Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 17:41

Got a text of mil today to tell me she'd taken dn to see Santa and to book soon because they are selling out of tickets fast, I feel hurt that my Dd wasn't invited to go and see Santa with them, they only have 2 grandchildren and I have had a chat with them in the past because I feel the two grandchildren are treated different and dn is favoured, they always tell me they've done this and that with Dn but never invite my little one, fwiw they have dn every other weekend, i don't allow them have dd alone as they don't understand what she can and can't have ( allergies) and they don't understand why I don't want my dd being near there dog who can be snappy, and who I used to look after whilst they had dn before I had my dd as they were worried about dn and dog, I know they don't have my dd but I feel hurt they've left her out and could have invited us to go so dd wasn't left out

OP posts:
Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 17:43

I feel as though she doesn't need to rub it in all what she does with dn xx

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/12/2018 17:44

Can't you see though how you're giving them no option but to treat your DD differently to your niece by not letting them have their GD over at their house. You're saying you don't trust them, that they aren't responsible enough to have her.

You can't have it both ways.

NoFucksImAQueen · 08/12/2018 17:46

what great said

CherryPavlova · 08/12/2018 17:46

You can’t have it all ways. They are closer to your niece because they are allowed to grandparent, to have her to care for and to build a relationship. You’ve chosen not to allow the same access so can’t expect same relationship.

MondayImInLove · 08/12/2018 17:46

How old are dn and dd?

Scaredbutdetermined · 08/12/2018 17:47

How can you expect them to treat both equally when you don't allow them to look after your child?!

Cheerbear23 · 08/12/2018 17:47

From what you say about them it seems like you don’t want them to have your child though?

picklemebaubles · 08/12/2018 17:49

To be fair, it sounds as though they are not trying very hard. Some GPs don't take allergies seriously.

Amaried · 08/12/2018 17:52

Perhaps they assumed you'd say no to Santa or did you expect to get invited as well. Would you have let her go if she had asked you?

Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 17:53

They don't have her because they don't know her well enough every time they come they ask if she can have a biscuit or something Dd is really unwell and has breathing difficulties if she has dairy, they were asked not to take niece to eat somewhere as it makes her ill, by her parents and they said that's rubbish and still took her!! Also I don't want my dd near a dog to risk her being bitten as she can snap easily and has snatched of dn before
I appreciate your replies Thankyou

OP posts:
Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 17:53

I would have gone along too x

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/12/2018 17:56

I agree that the problem is "i don't allow them have dd alone"

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/12/2018 17:57

I understand it can be difficult where allergies are concerned Op, why don't you invite them to do stuff where you can go along? Or have them round for tea at your house, let them build a relationship with DD with you involved too.

Sailinghappy · 08/12/2018 17:59

You are being unreasonable because you’re the one who is not allowing them to have your DD alone and then you’re also questioning why the two girls are treated differently?! I can’t see your point at all.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 08/12/2018 18:00

Sadly, there's nothing you can do. You really can't trust them to care for your child alone since they will feed her food she is allergic to and they won't recognise that their dog is potentially a threat. This being the case, they will never treat your dc the same way as the one where they are given free reign.

Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 18:00

Thankyou for your replies, I do invite them over and involve them as much as I can, they do come to my house weekly and I always send messages and photos of dd too, if dd does anything new I always text to tell them etc it's not that I don't allow them to see dd of course I do I just don't let them have her, saying that she is only 1 years old and I haven't left her with anyone either I haven't needed too xx

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 08/12/2018 18:22

If you don’t want to leave her with them - for reasons I understand - you can not be surprised they don’t behave how you want them to. Also - I think there is more to the story. My dn is 3 days younger than my twins - if my m’nlaw texted me to say they are running out of tickets - my first thought would be how thoughtful of her to let me know - not what about my children. And I don’t really get on with my m’n’law.

BumbleBeee69 · 08/12/2018 18:22

they don't care enough to understand your DD's allergies, so you cant trust them with her, that alone would stop me caring about her being 'excluded' from trips with them. Flowers

itshappened · 08/12/2018 18:23

My mil ignores my daughter's dairy allergy too, so for similar reasons I have not allowed her to take her out without me. But as a consequence I don't expect her to have the same relationship with her grandparents as her cousins. My daughter still adores them though and we see them regularly. I think it's a generational thing in terms of them not really believing in allergies! But my response has always been they won't be the ones up all night while my daughter has horrible trapped wind and tummy pains. So I don't regret not allowing them to take her out without me. I do think though that you are being a bit silly to expect to be invited to see Father Christmas too as clearly it was a grandparents day out with their grand daughter. Either you start to trust them more, or you invite them when you take your daughter so they get to be a part of her life more.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/12/2018 18:33

Maybe they thought she was too young for Santa at one years old. Hopefully next year or so they will invite her along.

RebelWitchFace · 08/12/2018 18:36

You really can't have it both ways. You don't trust them to care properly for her , and that's fair enough. But you can't expect them to have the same relationship with her as they do with DN or take her places only if you come along. Would they have had to pay for you too?
If you make yourself part of the package every single time you have to accept that they might not want that.

gamerchick · 08/12/2018 18:42

Well you've set the line, they're just not crossing over it. You can't complain.

It's not as if they don't bother with her at all is it? It's just a different relationship driven by unfortunate restrictions.

TacoLover · 08/12/2018 18:47

You be said that you don't let them have her alone, so they don't invite her to things. You say you would go along too but maybe they want alone time with their grandchildren without you tagging along.

Sethis · 08/12/2018 18:53

saying that she is only 1 years old

If your DD is 1 year old then why does it matter a damn whether she goes to see Santa or not???? It's not like she'll understand or remember!!

If your DD and DN were about 5 or 6 or more, then I'd understand your frustration, but seriously.... at 1?

sonandhelpneeded · 08/12/2018 18:55

This is way to complex!! You don't eant them to have DD but you do want them to have DD!

#confused

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread