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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this unfair or aibu

75 replies

Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 17:41

Got a text of mil today to tell me she'd taken dn to see Santa and to book soon because they are selling out of tickets fast, I feel hurt that my Dd wasn't invited to go and see Santa with them, they only have 2 grandchildren and I have had a chat with them in the past because I feel the two grandchildren are treated different and dn is favoured, they always tell me they've done this and that with Dn but never invite my little one, fwiw they have dn every other weekend, i don't allow them have dd alone as they don't understand what she can and can't have ( allergies) and they don't understand why I don't want my dd being near there dog who can be snappy, and who I used to look after whilst they had dn before I had my dd as they were worried about dn and dog, I know they don't have my dd but I feel hurt they've left her out and could have invited us to go so dd wasn't left out

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/12/2018 19:00

Yabu because you don't encourage them to have a relationship with her. They're obviously going to be closer to their other grandchild.

RCohle · 08/12/2018 19:00

I understand why you don't trust them to have sole charge of your DD under the circumstances but I think you have to accept that your decision will have knock on consequences on their relationship.

She's so young though she likely won't remember any of this, so you've still got plenty of time to try and improve the situation.

lljkk · 08/12/2018 19:05

Organising lives & movements of small people is hard enough, without these extra obstacles. Plus going to see FC is Hell. Long boring Q full of impatient children & then little ones cry at the big scary strange man. You had a much nicer time not going.

spidersonmyceiling · 08/12/2018 19:08

I'm sure if they took account of her medical needs and made sure to shut the dog away unfailingly things would be different. I think actually it is really important that grandparents take into account dietary needs. Suppose they had a diabetic grandchild, would they act carelessly as they are doing or would they step up and ensure àn appropriate diet

MerryMarigold · 08/12/2018 19:13

2 words. High. Maintenance

(I'll leave you to figure it out if that is you or your MIL)

theworldistoosmall · 08/12/2018 19:13

They probably enjoy spending time without parents around. I can understand why as it changes the dynamics

recovery18 · 08/12/2018 19:48

So they come to your house every week to spend time with your DD?

And this still isn't good enough for you?

You really do sound like hard work OP.

Bluetrews25 · 08/12/2018 19:49

Half of MN would have complained if they had taken DC to see Santa - how dare they take DC to see Santa, that is MY job, and I wanted to be the first to take her!
You are the other half, complaining that they didn't take her! But YOU are the parent and should have organised a ticket yourself if you wanted her to go, and can't complain they didn't take her when you will not let them mind her!
You poor PILs can't win with you!

FascinatingCarrot · 08/12/2018 19:51

They cant win here can they?

SassitudeandSparkle · 08/12/2018 19:55

They come to your house weekly and see your niece every other weekend - sounds like they see your daughter more often tbh!

She's only a year old - there is plenty of time. From what you've said here, I can't see that they are leaving your DD out - you don't want them to have her and I think it's a little unrealistic when they have their other grandchild to invite you along as well as your DD.

Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 19:56

I think maybe I've posted it wrong tbh, it's not the fact they took dn and not dd it's to do with the fact that do they really need to text me and tell me how much of a wonderful time they had? Could have just said tickets are selling fast or even just left it to me to sort out if they're not bothered about leaving her out

OP posts:
Notacluethisxmas · 08/12/2018 19:56

I think yabu. I understand why you don't want them to have we alone. But it will change the relationship. They, when having dn, are the care givers. They have developed a relationship with their grandson, independent of the parents.

My dad and I had a business together when we was born. Dad retired and only did it with me for something to do. He used ear h ds loads and let me crack on with work. As a result he is far closer to ds, than my dd or my brothers kids.

You will have to accept that your child relationship will be different.

Also your child is 1. Your child has no clue and would have probably cried. Loads of kids do.

Notacluethisxmas · 08/12/2018 20:00

You havent posted it wrong. You are now changing why you are bothered. That sometimes happens when your start talking about it.

I would say they told you because it didn't enter their head that you would have an issue.

It's your choice to not let them look after we. Why would you have a problem with them having dn?

delboysskinandblister · 08/12/2018 20:00

reading between the lines, i think she's trying to say 'and this is what your DD is missing out on.... if only you would let us take her with us'

She wants to see her DGD Xmas Smile

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/12/2018 20:01

How old is your DN?

greendale17 · 08/12/2018 20:01

My mil ignores my daughter's dairy allergy too, so for similar reasons I have not allowed her to take her out without me.

^What kind of person ignores a child’s allergy?

Jimdandy · 08/12/2018 20:02

What greatduckcookery said

FascinatingCarrot · 08/12/2018 20:03

You are leaving her out, understandably maybe but you still are.
They possibly want to show they can have a good time with your dd as much as they do with your dn.
I am so sick of this minefield of what the gp can or cant do. Its your choice, then you flame them for it? She's 1, she wont remember a thing anyway.

PickledChutney · 08/12/2018 20:03

Is there any point in taking a 1 year old to see Santa? Seems pointless to me tbh.

Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 20:06

Dn 3

OP posts:
TheBigBangRocks · 08/12/2018 20:06

They aren't leaving her out, you don't let them take her! You can't have it both ways.

Should they never mention anything to you about time with family?

lunar1 · 08/12/2018 20:09

Do you want them to see DN less because you won't let them see DD, because in your scenario that's the only way to make it fair.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/12/2018 20:09

@Polkadot1502 your second reason is even more childish. So what if they've said they had a great time - maybe they were just saying that we had a great time so it's worth you taking your DC.

I understand the allergy problems and not leaving your DC alone with them however getting annoyed because they said they had a great time is ridiculous.

You're creating a problem her between your DC, your DN and their grandparents. If you start getting annoyed everytime they say they've had a good time with your DN, your DC is going to pick up on that and start resenting the DN.

I know that might sound a bit dramatic however I have seen it before.

Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 08/12/2018 20:09

Not changing my mind, should have given the full backstory really!! There is major favouritism going on and I've had enough of it

OP posts:
coffeekittens · 08/12/2018 20:10

You sound like hard work so no wonder you weren’t invited. Your DD is one, babies get absolutely nothing out of going to see Santa.

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