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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Coworker obsessed with my baby

94 replies

Floopyandtired · 08/12/2018 11:26

DS has just turned one. Ever since he was born one of my colleagues and her children (10 & 12) have shown weird amounts of interest in him. I returned to work last week but during maternity leave whenever I popped into the office with him (I work very close to my home and get on well with my colleagues) she would take loads of pictures of him and get her daughters on the phone so they could “talk” to the baby. Last week she showed me a photo album on her phone of pics of DS that her children regularly look at. A bit weird/

But the final straw for me was yesterday when she was using the printer and I saw she was printing black and white pictures of DS. I asked what she was doing and she said they were for her daughters to colour in and put on their bedroom walls.

The thing is she is a very very sweet woman and I don’t think any of this is malicious or creepy. I think she just can’t see that it makes me uncomfortable. AIBU to feel like that? I don’t know whether to address it or let it wash over me.

OP posts:

BumsexAtTheBingo · 08/12/2018 14:05

I think it sounds more like the kids/one of them is obsessed if they want to speak to him on the phone and have his pictures on their walls. Do they have any Sen? I agree that colouring pictures of babies would be an unusually hobby for children of their age and I have a child with asd who can become quite obsessive over things (thankfully not people!). Even if that is the case though the woman should be trying to encourage it towards an interest in dolls or something.

tillytrotter1 · 08/12/2018 14:22

Why must it be hyphenated? It makes sense without the hyphen so it isn’t necessary, but a stylistic preference. I think the OP is fully capable of deciding her own preference.

Touchy, what!!!! Maybe it's because the word colleague is too hard to spell that we go down The Archers route, I always think 'Moo' when I see it.

NotTerfNorCis · 08/12/2018 14:29

Maybe her children got a bit obsessed with your baby when she showed them a picture, and she's just run with it? Sees it as her family's private business in a way, and doesn't think about how it could look to outsiders?

RCohle · 08/12/2018 14:36

Well obviously it's odd behaviour.

I do wonder if the Xmas gift for you explanation is possible? Otherwise perhaps her daughters are just very keen on babies (mine went through a phase of this) and as yours is the only one they know they are disproportionately interested despite not knowing you very well.

To be honest I'd also wonder whether the mother had perhaps suffered a loss or struggled with secondary infertility.

Personally I think you've taken your baby in to the office a lot, but I guess if it's a family business that might be more normal.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 08/12/2018 15:23

Touchy, what!!!! Maybe it's because the word colleague is too hard to spell that we go down The Archers route, I always think 'Moo' when I see it.

Wouldn’t say touchy, I just think lecturing someone on the internet how to use a hyphen is a bit rude. Further implying they used the word because they can’t spell colleague (which she managed in her first post) is rather patronizing. If your post wasn’t condescending then I apologize, but it does read that way a little.

Kristingle · 08/12/2018 15:28

OP, I a,so work in a small family business. I know the names of all my colleagues children ( and they mine ) but none of us have photos of each other’s children. The colouring in thing Is very odd - from what you say her DD have never met your son.

She sounds troubled.

Dahlietta · 08/12/2018 15:28

Obviously, this is all bonkers, but I can help you with this part:-

I will see if there’s a way I can block her from seeing my pictures without deleting her?

When you post on Facebook and it says 'on timeline', you can set the audience for the post to Friends except "Crazy co-worker" so she won't see them. I do it with things I know my mother won't be able to resist posting inane comments on

Dahlietta · 08/12/2018 15:30

Sorry, just realised someone else explained this several posts ago!

catx1606 · 08/12/2018 15:54

This to me is creepy. You need to speak to HR about her. Facebook doesn't always portray an true account of someone's life. Some people use Facebook to create the perfect life when it isn't. She is taking an unhealthy interest in your child. It makes it awkward that you are how manager but it junk HR need to deal with this. She has stepped over some personal boundaries and as it's about your child, it was make it very difficult for you to deal with it.

You can choose who sees your posts. I had someone make a sarcastic comments when I asked on Facebook for a fireguard. I deleted the post, redid it but took him and his partner off the peopkenwho would see it.

xwhoiamx · 08/12/2018 16:04

Run, op. Run for the hills. I've known people this has happened to and they've ended up with a very mentally unwell stalker threaten to hurt them. Do not allow this to continue. Tell her it's creepy and you want it to stop. Repeat, do not encourage!

NameChangeOhNameChange1 · 08/12/2018 16:10

Perhaps she just really fucking loves babies? [clutching at straws]

CharlesChickens · 08/12/2018 18:39

I asked re culture, as babies are seen as more for a whole community to love, in certain cultures and in certain parts of the UK. Southern England is culterally very different from parts of Wales for instance.
I dont read this as sinister because much of it seems normal to me. Maybe she simply loves babies and thinks your ds is absolutely gorgeous .
I fuss over babies and toddlers more , now that mine are past that stage. I miss the tinyness !

Whataboutbobbo · 08/12/2018 18:46

Creepy. Stop taking your child in to work and raise with HR. Even if you are her manager, they would still step in if it carries on after refraining from taking child in. Does sound like a bit of a mental health issue.

Cantusethatname · 08/12/2018 18:57

Please listen to whataboutbobbo and others.
This is a MH issue and of course we are understanding but this is your baby and you do not want her becoming fixated on him.

slappinthebass · 08/12/2018 19:31

I think the only really odd thing that stands out is the photo copy colouring in. There could be more to this... could have been something she made up on the spot because you caught her out on a surprise present for you or something similar. I do actually know a couple of 12 year old girls who are completely obsessed with babies, both have ASD but you really wouldn't know and it easily could have been missed by teachers and parents, I think it's actually really common for girls with high functioning autism to have this baby obsession. She is probably just indulging them. Most of what you say sounds sweet rather than creepy. I wouldn't make an issue if it. It will pass.

MistressDeeCee · 08/12/2018 20:08

Why on earth did you let her take loads of pictures of him in the first place?

& in your shoes I'd already have told her to her face that I didn't want her to do that. If she insisted on continuing, then it would be straight to HR.

You're a mum you have to stand up for yourself and your child, your little one isn't old enough to know about inappropriate behaviour and pushing boundaries. But you are.

I can't fathom how you'd be so concerned with not upsetting a 'sweet' work colleague that it went this far in the first place.

This is a very odd story...

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 08/12/2018 20:19

She sounds sweetly bonkers OP. Probably harmless but I'd just back off, don;t share any more pics of your baby, don't take him into work... it's a shame you can't show him off to your other colleagues but it's a small price to pay if it cuts off the weirdness.

On FB you can choose the audience for every separate post you make. So you could include her in non-baby things you write so she doesn't twig that you're backing off, then just put her on the list of restricted people if you post about your baby. (You'll probably have to do the same for your other colleagues in case they say in the office ("Oh did you see that cute picture of Floopy's ds?")

If she asks just tell her you've decided to pull back from posting his picture on social media in respect for his privacy and right to decide when he's older what pictures of him are out there on the internet! and on other people's walls

Jas0510 · 08/12/2018 22:21

Very strange. Sounds like something deeper - maybe a loss? Still she is overstepping... why don’t you stop bringing your baby in?

Osirus · 08/12/2018 22:41

Instead of having to exclude her every time you post you can change your friendship type with her to “Restricted” and work through your settings so that those on “Restricted” cannot see any posts. I’ve done this with some people so I don’t have to remove them completely from my friends list, which saves any offence.

You can also “unfollow” people and they will never know.

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