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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Coworker obsessed with my baby

94 replies

Floopyandtired · 08/12/2018 11:26

DS has just turned one. Ever since he was born one of my colleagues and her children (10 & 12) have shown weird amounts of interest in him. I returned to work last week but during maternity leave whenever I popped into the office with him (I work very close to my home and get on well with my colleagues) she would take loads of pictures of him and get her daughters on the phone so they could “talk” to the baby. Last week she showed me a photo album on her phone of pics of DS that her children regularly look at. A bit weird/

But the final straw for me was yesterday when she was using the printer and I saw she was printing black and white pictures of DS. I asked what she was doing and she said they were for her daughters to colour in and put on their bedroom walls.

The thing is she is a very very sweet woman and I don’t think any of this is malicious or creepy. I think she just can’t see that it makes me uncomfortable. AIBU to feel like that? I don’t know whether to address it or let it wash over me.

OP posts:
DoinItForTheKids · 08/12/2018 13:09

Thesmallthings why does it matter if when OP sets a boundary, it might offend this weird woman? It's irrelevant whether she takes offence or not, she's batshit.

Get off being friends with this insane woman, tell HR, and stop sharing any of your life with her. Sorted.

BuffaloCauliflower · 08/12/2018 13:11

This is very strange and you absolutely need to speak to her, even if it is uncomfortable. Tell her you appreciate how much she likes your son, but her behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and she needs to delete the pictures.

ApolloandDaphne · 08/12/2018 13:12

How very odd. I too wonder if this relates to some loss she has maybe had.

ShadowHuntress · 08/12/2018 13:14

This reply has been deleted

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3luckystars · 08/12/2018 13:15

You know i think she is just a nice friend and she was probably printing those photos to frame and give to you.

Topseyt · 08/12/2018 13:16

You being her manager does make things a tad more awkward, but you are still allowed to ask her to stop taking and using photos of your DS.

You should continue to take DS in with you if you want to. If she comes up trying to take further photographs then just say as gently (but firmly) as possible that you appreciate her enthusiasm, but you don't want any further photographs taken by anyone other than family, and that in the end you wish to decide what you share and what you don't.

Even schools have to seek permission to use photos of their students. I have just had to give this this week for one containing one of my own DDs, and she is 16.

You do need to find a way to broach it with her. There might be no tactful way, but you do need to get the message across.

ArabellaUmbrella · 08/12/2018 13:17
Hmm
Original poster
Floopyandtired · 08/12/2018 13:19

Thanks everyone. It’s sad because I want to be able to talk about DS (within reason!) at work without feeling uncomfortable. I don’t put many pics on social media but I do like to share the occasional one as I have a large extended family who like to keep up to speed with DS on social media. I will see if there’s a way I can block her from seeing my pictures without deleting her?

Not sure why this wouldn’t have happened or who would make it up? Not exactly newspaper-worthy or particularly salacious is it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Floopyandtired · 08/12/2018 13:21

I haven’t been great at establishing boundaries as I work in a small family business where everyone knows everyone’s business, so I do need to work on saying no and expressing my concern gently when something happens. Urgh I just hate uncomfortable/awkward situations. And I really don’t want to offend her as she truly is very sweet.

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 08/12/2018 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/12/2018 13:26

I think it is weird. However I think going to HR is a bit harsh as in her eyes you've never given her an indication you aren't comfortable and it could sound like you've been encouraging contact then changed your mind

I would just distance myself from her. Take your baby in less often. Don't let her take pictures, say you've had a rethink on photos and social media and ask her to delete the ones she's already got. Don't talk about him as much, if she asks about him just say he's fine and change the subject

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 08/12/2018 13:26

You can unfollow someone on Facebook, so you are still friends but don’t see their posts. You can also for any post you share, share it with just certain groups of friends (so you could set one for “family” or “uni friends” or whatever) or even share with “everyone except x”. Depending on your device you should find the options in friends settings or post settings or similar.

RomanyRoots · 08/12/2018 13:27

I would speak to HR, it isn't normal behaviour but there might be something going on with her that you are unaware of.
I couldn't let it wash over me as it isn't fair on her daughters to grow up believing this is normal.

Topseyt · 08/12/2018 13:28

Set up a family WhatsApp group to share the photos on, perhaps?

That way there would be no need to share them on FB or other media at all, so she wouldn't see or hear of them. Also no need to obviously block her and create more awkwardness. She simply won't be part of that group.

CharlesChickens · 08/12/2018 13:29

I have dds of similar ages and they both love babies, and dd1 has pictures on her ‘phone of the toddler daughter of a good friend who they both adore. Also my smaller dd holds my hand to cross the road still, it isnt that unusual. We often hold hands when walking. Even my older dd will hold hands with me on a walk.
So i wonder if she thinks of you as more of a friend than you are ?
The colouring in thing is odd , but more because it is a strange thing to colour in, a photograph of someone you know.
Does anyone else in the office know her better ? Could you have a discreet word and find out more about her.
I really think thay may just be very taken with your baby, but i completely see how this can be unnerving from someone you aren’t close to. Maybe he is the only baby they know ?
How are her daughters with your baby, do they fuss over him ?
I should also add that my very kind Mum also loved babies, and i can quite imagine that she might have had a pic of a colleague’s baby, and bought him things or knitted for him.
Is this woman from the same culture as you ?

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 08/12/2018 13:30

My initial reaction was this has to be a wind up. Printing off pictures of your DS at work for her daughters to colour in and out on their walls? So utterly bizarre.

You have to have a conversation with her about boundaries and explain this makes you uncomfortable. You can be perfectly nice about it, but it needs to be said. I would not let her take pictures of your son in future, hell I would keep him away from her, and limit her access to your Facebook.

It could just be that she has mentioned it to her daughters and they have taken a keen interest in him as kids do sometimes. But to say she has got a bit carried away is an understatement, I would expect more self awareness from an adult.

cheesemongery · 08/12/2018 13:32

There was a female nursery worker who was weird like this with my son, she called herself Aunty to him - and my final straw was when they had the photos done, I got my proofs and she said they're so lovely I've ordered a set for myself - WTF?

Senior staff were aware, eventually her strange behaviour spread into other areas and it was clear she was very mentally unwell. We moved area shortly after but she was definitely sacked, I'm not sure what happened to her after that.

Your colleague sounds very odd indeed, I remember my 3 year old niece being a bit obsessed with a friends baby but she was 3 years old - 10 and 12 year old colouring pictures of him??

Definitely take this higher so at least it's documented. Maybe nothing sinister but definitely beyond strange.

tillytrotter1 · 08/12/2018 13:33

Are you in the US? I find the use of the term 'coworker' as opposed to colleague very odd, I always think I've strayed onto The Archers thread. At least write it as 'co-worker' if you must use it!

Rudgie47 · 08/12/2018 13:41

Yeah right OP, of course she is.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 08/12/2018 13:42

Today 13:33 tillytrotter1

Are you in the US? I find the use of the term 'coworker' as opposed to colleague very odd, I always think I've strayed onto The Archers thread. At least write it as 'co-worker' if you must use it!*

Why must it be hyphenated? It makes sense without the hyphen so it isn’t necessary, but a stylistic preference. I think the OP is fully capable of deciding her own preference.

EachandEveryone · 08/12/2018 13:43

I think he is probably the only baby they know and he is probably super cute to them. I just wouldnt take him in for a good while and see what happens.

Original poster
Floopyandtired · 08/12/2018 13:44

@CharlesChickens your post makes a lot of sense to me. She is about 15 years older than me, all her friends’ children are well past the baby stage. DS could well be the only baby she “knows”. We are from the same culture (White British).

She is a single mum to her daughters and I think very protective over them, I don’t wish to discuss someone else’s personal life but she had some issues with her daughters’ father and as a result the three of them are very close and do everything together. I don’t think the children have many friends/hobbies.

As precious she is a very kind woman who would do anything for others at her own expense. Your mum sounds similar, a very thoughtful person x

OP posts:
GinandGingerBeer · 08/12/2018 13:48

Maybe she's skint and can't afford colouring books?

My more logical explanation is she's going to get one framed for you for Xmas and wanted to print a few off on paper first to see which ones came out best in black and white? Plausible?

riceuten · 08/12/2018 13:49

Sounds like a mental health related issue, here. I don't think it's malicious but if it's making you feel uncomfortable, you need to let her know.

Penguinsetpandas · 08/12/2018 14:02

I think girls that age can be obsessed with babies and that's perfectly harmless. It could be she always wanted a son or longs for a baby herself. It's odd but can't see harm it in so would leave it be. If she normally gives you a Christmas present it could be she was making it for you or it could be the kids asked her.