Husband let my breastmilk defrost

[Lilymoose]

AIBU? He has a problem with not being able to shut the freezer door properly and has ruined loads of home cooked food in the past, been told multiple times to shut the freezer door properly. It's not hard. Not broken or anything he is just careless.

Anyway I've been pumping every day for over 2 months since my daughter was born to build up a supply for when I go back to work. He didn't shut the door properly and about a third is over half defrosted. I am so angry! He said sorry it was an accident then told me to stop going on about it (I wasn't, it just happened). I am just fuming, he doesn't understand why it's a big deal.

I remember those days of pumping. I'd be devastated and yes angry too.

My stbxh is passive aggressive and i now realise did loads of things like that on purpose. It would depend how he is elsewhere. I pumped once. It was a grotesque experience. No wonder you are annoyed.

Oh God you just gave me a flash back, sitting at the kitchen table sobbing and pumping.
I don't blame you for feeling upset.
Careless sod.

Pumping is hardly ‘grotesque’. What a weird comment. I would be beyond livid about this! You have my sympathy OP. I only pumped for awhile and it’s time consuming and a real faff with bottles, labelling etc I would really find it so difficult to forgive my DP for such a stupid mistake. Yes it’s a mistake but really it’s one that should just not happen imo.

Oh god op. That's awful.

I have no idea how you can articulate to him how bad this is if he just doesn't get it.

I remember trying to bf and pump, it was hell (for me) I'd be a snotty sobbing mess.

If it helps, this is a very small part of the rest of your child's life - you can pump more, I know it's hard, but you can. And if all else fails formula does exist, even if it's not your first choice. It is OK to use formula if you get to that point, it doesn't mean you've failed, honest.

Thank you all, I am thinking of all the time spent as well as the milk. I'll not waste it I will get him to give her a couple of bottles of it today and tomorrow. It's just the whiny attitude he has of "it was an accident" therefore he should be blameless - no you're a careless twat!

Oh just to clarify I am feeding too not primarily pumping, now that would be tough, just pump once a day (sorry didn't make that clear) she is ebf.

Oh that would fuck me off too.

I exclusively pumped with DS. DH once managed to spill a whole bottle due to his clumsiness. I was furious. I even posted a massive thread on MN asking if I was unreasonable never to let DH feed DS again.

I remember when my husband did this and about 160 ounces of breast milk defrosted. I was devastated.

I don't blame you at all. DH spilled a bit of my precious BM once and I was devastated!

I think you need to be very direct with him and say 'I won't go on about it (if you won't, wouldn't blame you if you did) but the fact you are not apologising enough says to me you don't understand exactly how much effort went into collecting and storing that milk' and then tell him exactly what you had to do and how long it took each time.

If he still doesn't behave as if he cares you SHOULD go on about it FOREVER imo.

Yes that would make me weep too. Your husband should be on his knees before you.

I would have been devastated by his thoughtlessness as much as the wasted effort.

Oh OP I would be livid! I pumped for 3 months with DD2 and knowing the sheer amount of time invested in pumping (often when everyone else was sleeping soundly) would make me dangerously furious if I were in your shoes!!!

He’s a careless twat - I imagine if we’re his nipples were hooked up to a milking machine around the clock this “accident” wouldn’t have happened.

For me pumping so I could go to work was emotionally and physically draining. I was guilt ridden and exhausted. I feel your pain.

He needs to nip out for a nice treat for you.

I'd be furious. The carelessness when he's been warned about the consequences is bad enough, but the sheer refusal to recognise the amount of time and effort it takes to express breastmilk alongside all the faff of washing and sterilising all the the equipment would make me question how much respect he had for me.

Is there the space/ budget to get a second, small freezer exclusively for breastmilk storage so that he never needs to go into it?

I would also be insisting that he does every single feed , including night times, over the next couple of days to use up as much of the defrosted breastmilk as possible .

YANBU and it's not enough to say sorry, this has taken considerable time and effort from you, he has to make it up to you somehow.

I agree with the comments about doing it passively aggressively on purpose.

Did he do it when he lived alone, or with his Parents?

Either way he isn't changing because he doesn't care that he upsets you and costs you time and money.

If he did, he wouldn't be whiney.

Wonder what the equivalent could be for him to make him ‘get it’.

He should br extremely apologetic.

And get an alarm for the freezer

Oh OP, I would be devastated too, more so by his reaction I think

It's very sad to see though that less than a page in someone is pushing formula on the OP

3 years since I last pumped but I'd still be 'going on about it' now if DH had done that so no, YANBU.

Tip - keep some with clear labels to say twice frozen, and put it in bathwater if they ever have chickenpox or sore skin for other reasons - it is wondrous stuff for that but hard to 'waste' precious drinkable stores that way. Mine found it so soothing for their skin.

Get some kind of toddler freezer lock so it has to be shut properly too.

www.safetots.co.uk/clippasafe-fridge-lock.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA9K3gBRA4EiwACEhFe4-iuzmyrrpEMt6blJkZEs-uyRq9asdZb0s0VermfIreFlGzY8du0RoCjbQQAvD_BwE

Oh wow I'd have been livid. Pumping was utterly draining in every sense.

I would also be insisting that he does every single feed , including night times, over the next couple of days to use up as much of the defrosted breastmilk as possible

That's good advice - and then you can pump lots more over the next couple of days.

The first time he left the freezer open, it was an accident. By now, when he knows he apparently struggles with the closing mechanism on this particular freezer door, if he leaves it open he is choosing to do so, because he has made a decision not to check he's closed the bastarding thing properly.

This would be annoying even without the breast milk (regarding which I too feel your pain).

Kill him.

The problem with him doing all the feeds is that I will have to pump more then but will certainly get him to do some to use it up. Thanks for all your sympathies! How silly that I didn't think of what a pp suggested of another freezer. Amazon have them so may get one and lock it! He isn't passive aggressive in other ways so although I understand the reasoning behind him doing it on purpose I think it's more careless twattery than deliberate.

Put a large label on the freezer: “have you checked I’m properly shut”?