Husband let my breastmilk defrost

[Lilymoose]

AIBU? He has a problem with not being able to shut the freezer door properly and has ruined loads of home cooked food in the past, been told multiple times to shut the freezer door properly. It's not hard. Not broken or anything he is just careless.

Anyway I've been pumping every day for over 2 months since my daughter was born to build up a supply for when I go back to work. He didn't shut the door properly and about a third is over half defrosted. I am so angry! He said sorry it was an accident then told me to stop going on about it (I wasn't, it just happened). I am just fuming, he doesn't understand why it's a big deal.

Anything that still has frozen bits in can be refrozen safely!

kellymom.com/hot-topics/frozen-milk-power-outage/

The thing is careless twattery is not benign. Would he forget something important to his boss at work? Would he casually forget to do something that seriously put out one of his friends thereby ruining something they'd spent hours doing? You have to start believing that what you do for the family is important and you deserve consideration. It's the only way to ensure you get across your needs assertively. Good luck OP .

Btw I'd be furious in your shoes!

I would be livid.

Out of interest though, how far ahead are you storing breast Milk?

I usually pumped as and when it was needed, mainly because my milk went funny when frozen but also because I was under the impression that breast milk changed as the baby grows and what I was producing at 3 months wouldn't necessarily be completely right at 6months etc.

It's a lot of pressure to put yourself under now if you aren't going back for months and months, alternatively if you are going back in a few weeks it makes sense.

Some great tips and suggestions here, much appreciated. I'm going back to work when she's 6 months so not til April. I don't have a massive frozen supply as my toddler sometimes has a bottle of breast milk instead of cows milk/formula. So my bright spark brain has just realised he can also have some of it which has made me happy that even less and potentially none will be wasted. Yay!

I dont think anyone was pushing formula
Just reassuring the OP that there is an alternative if needs be. I know breastmilk is superior but formula is a very close second best and still does the job.
I think people see breastmilk/formula as being totally opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to what’s good for human babies but in reality its like the difference between organic probiotic yogurt and normal yogurt I think there’s not that much in it we all know one is a bit better for you but the other isn’t going to do any damage !!

I put an alarm on my fridge and freezer as my ds kept leaving them open. It makes a horrible noise until the door is properly closed. We didn't need to use them for long until he got the idea.

If the milk is only partially defrosted, I think it can be refrozen?

I would be pissed off too.

Can you put an alarm on the freezer that goes off if the door is left open?

Good idea re a freezer alarm. I didn't know they existed.

Very very annoying.

Put a post-it note on the freezer, or better still an alarm.

Not closing cupboards and doors is infuriating behavior.

christmas2018 that’s not quite true. Without descending into the usual breastmilk vs formula debate there is a significant difference between the two. So much so I did my masters thesis on that very topic. I understand why you’d think that though - it’s not exactly marketed by formula companies! I’ve used formula too by the way so I’m not vilifying anyone.

I did this. To my own breast milk. Was so angry with myself!!

How defrosted is it, it can be refrozen if it's still got ice crystals in it (this advice is from Milk Matters, Google her, she can advise). My h did this, twice. He's spends too much time with his head up his arse. We used to have a freezer with an alarm, he would get ice cream late at night, I'd be woken up by the dog finally loosing her rag with the beeping noise and have to go and close the door myself. H had the 'talent' of being able to completely ignore the repetitive beeping....

I've taken the bags out which were mostly defrosted which was about a third of them, the ones which had just a little bit of liquid I put back in the freezer. Hopefully will be able to get through them. Should make husband drink some

Its not accidental if it happens over and over. Its careless because he doesn't care enough about the consequences to you or his DD's food supply.

DH was careless about this kind of thing but at home his DM would shut doors/clear up/never pull him up about it. He wasn't too thrilled when I pointed out it showed he was either stupid or didn't care about us and asked which it was. However it did actually shock him into taking it more seriously. He wasn't fundamentally an arse and just hadn't looked at it that way because it had always been excused when he grew up.

There wasn't a miraculous change overnight but he did make more effort and did change over time.

I did this and I was devastated. Our freezer was easy to accidentally not close properly.
I used the trashed stash for milk baths.

We tipped the freezer by extending the front two legs so it swung shut a little (easily done but you need two people)

We also put a "click" child lock on the freezer which I basically insisted had to be kept locked.

It never happened again.

Deep breaths.

The bigger problem here is your husband and his lack of appreciation for how hard and how dedicated you need to be to pump.

You could also use some of the defrosted breastbone milk in your children’s food- not sure whether baby is old enough to be weaned , but does the toddler have things like porridge, weetabix , macaroni cheese etc?

*breastmilk ! Damn autocorrect!

Just spotted that baby won’t be 6 months until April, so is only a few weeks old now- those days are exhausting.

Your husbañd needs to see what he’s showing you, which is that he considers your time so unimportant that the few seconds it would take him to close a door outweighs the hours you spend expressing, sterilising etc.

YABU, cut him a bit of slack

That milk is so precious. I would be very upset/

I do think a second freezer is in order.

YANBU. I’m going back in a few weeks and have a freezer stash at the ready. I’d sob if all my hard work was ruined.

I'd have been utterly gutted if DH did that, but he'd have felt even worse - he knew what an effort it was to pump, and was therefore extra careful with the milk. Occasionally he wasted some accidentally by mis-timing a feed but he was always sorry and apologetic.

Omg, I would have been devastated if that happened. Can you get H to feed the baby the defrosted milk for the next few feeds while you pump, that way you can build some supply back up.

I would be devastated! Ibdont blame you for being pissed off. I would very much want him to understand how hard it had been to produce.