to not have a routine for my baby?

[Shantay]

I have a 7 week old baby. I keep reading that people have routines for their children of a similar age, but I have no routine at all. I feed him when he's hungry, put him down when he falls asleep, and just follow his lead....

Should I have a routine?

I'm quite lost and just don't know if I'm doing it right or not...

If you’re happy and your baby is happy you’re doing fine. Everybody is different. Do what works for you and don’t worry what other people are doing.

Thanks @Frenchmom - I just wasn't sure if I was setting myself up for a fall or not. The idea of trying to get him in to a routine sounds really stressful when I'm happy this way, but so many people seem to have set timings for things. Wasn't sure if I was doing it wrong... it's hard to know sometimes...

You are doing it right for you. Some thrive on routines, some find it extra stressful. I was definitely in the second camp. Congratulations on your baby!

If I never again hear a woman stressing about how she thinks she's a bad mum even though she and her baby are both happy because she doesn't "have a routine", I will die a happy woman. When and how did the idea that the principal job of the mother of a tiny baby was to instill a routine get about? Why is it a virtue?

Also, no 7 week old really "has a routine" unless they naturally had one themselves. It's not something the mother did. 7 week olds don't even have a stable diurnal rhythm yet. Even if you want a routine later, it's too early to focus on one.

Thanks all. There's so much conflicting information out there..

I never thought I was a bad mum though!

Does anyone else not have a routine and get on perfectly fine?

I didn't - didn't need one as baby wasn't required to fit in with anything else and I was on mat leave. Needed one as she got older and I went back to work, so created one.

We never had a routine , fed on demand , slept during the day when needed only thing was I always bathed and fed at the same time at night . He's a chilled as 8 year old now 🙌

my first DC needed a routine, if he didn't have it he's feel his eyes out and was miserable when I went back to a routine he was happy again. My second couldn't care less, she'd just feed when hungry and would fall asleep anywhere so I was able to go out and about as I pleased whereas my first would cry and scream and not sleep unless in one of 3 particular places.
I remeber that they were a bit older than 7 weeks though so I'm sure your baby will let you know of he's not happy, if he is then carry on.

I didn't have a routine until she was 6-7 months

No point in event trying a routine before 3 months. There is a reason they call it the 4th trimester.

My baby is also 7 weeks old and we have no routine at all. He also still sleeps on us, even at night, because he's happier there and I like the cuddles.

Your baby is 7 weeks old. He wouldn't know why a routine was if it slaps him in the face. Just enjoy the moments and do what works for you :) if you are both happy then you are doing it right! Xx

You DO have a routine. You meet his needs as and when thry arise / you can anticipate them. Excellent routine, you're doing great. Seriously.

On a Mum goeuo someone was asking about bedtimes for their 3 month old. Ours was still sleeping downstairs til we went up to bed at that age. He had a feeding plan bmfor medical reasons but otherwise we did what wmhe needed. At 3.5 he has a great sleep routine and will make Daddy take chum to bed if we are a bit late and he's tired

I never had a routine and all worked out quite well.
Routines are fine as long as no-one is a slave to it.

I'm sleeping downstairs whilst DH is upstairs. I literally feed DS when he's hungry and let him sleep when he wants to. Okay, so he's sleeping all day and up all night at the moment, but I'm on mat leave and really don't mind (quite like sitting up all night reading books to him and chatting!)

I was so you when my baby was that age - I was driving myself demented over our lack of routine. We were both soooo much happier when I just gave up on the idea. Now at 13 weeks we don’t have a rigid routine but my little boy is so much more predictable. I can anticipate when he’ll need to eat and sleep which helps me navigate the day more easily. He really did fall into his own natural rhythm and I got better at reading him. Stop reading baby books they just making you feel like you’re getting it all wrong.

Never had a routine for either of mine and its not done them any harm. You enjoy your baby and do what what's right for you both

With my DD I didn't impose a routine but over time a relaxed one emerged naturally.

I noticed that DD tended to want her first nap about 9am every day. Her naps would be various lengths (often only 30 mins ) and then after two hours awake she would need another nap. So she would have usually 3, sometimes 4 naps a day. Bedtime wasn't fixed, just 2 hours after the last nap.

This routine lasted from about 12 weeks to 6 months. By six months she was starting to stay awake longer and transitioning to 2 naps a day.

The only routine we started at that age (or probably a bit later, like 10 or 12 weeks) was a "bedtime" routine i.e. bath, clean outfit, feed and sleep in cot. During the day she slept in the moses basket downstairs, pushchair, car seat, on us etc. but at night time we did try to have a bit of a routine.

Not that it made much difference... she doesn't sleep through yet at 21 months, but does go to bed nicely and pretty much always has which is probably partly due to routine.

Sound like what you’re doing is working just fine.

The only useful part of a routine at 7 weeks is learning about ideal sleep time. When the baby wakes up, note the time and get ready for a nap after whichever length of time. It might not be necessary yet, but when you're trying to schedule feeds and naps around going to the shops, lunch etc later then it's useful so you keep a happy baby throughout.

This site has a good sleep chart for timelines: www.preciouslittlesleep.com/are-you-keeping-baby-awake-too-long/. I didn't have a witching hour with mine, but we tended to do vigorous winding, put him down early for a sleep, feed to sleep and cosleep, so he didn't have anything to cry about.

IME at 7 weeks if there is a "routine" it is because the baby has set it. I think it is almost impossible to impose a set routine on such a young baby. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

I have freestyling 6mo twins. It's fine. They pretty much do have a routine but it's of their own making. Bedtime is 8 though.

I did have a routine because when I didn’t they slept most of the day and were awake most of the night. Maybe those of you who don’t have routines have babies that have their nights and days the right way around? I honestly would not have been able to cope without a routine.