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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have a routine for my baby?

56 replies

Shantay · 07/12/2018 10:32

I have a 7 week old baby. I keep reading that people have routines for their children of a similar age, but I have no routine at all. I feed him when he's hungry, put him down when he falls asleep, and just follow his lead....

Should I have a routine?

I'm quite lost and just don't know if I'm doing it right or not...

OP posts:
Original poster
Shantay · 07/12/2018 11:29

@3WildOnes mine has them the wrong way round to be fair but as I have a year of mat leave it really doesn't bother me. I understand many may not have that luxury.

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 07/12/2018 11:34

I think of it works for you then there is no need to change anything. I had to be up and about caring for my other children with my second and third babies so I needed to get as my sleep as possible at night. Even with my first I wanted to be able to see friends and family and annoyingly they all wanted this to be in the day and not the middle of the night!

Original poster
Shantay · 07/12/2018 11:42

@3WildOnes yes I'm very glad my friend warned me of this. I know to make the most of just having the one! I know when we have our second it won't be quite so easy... a need for routine may arise then!

OP posts:
Raisinbrain · 07/12/2018 11:46

I didn't have a routine with DS1 until he was 7 months old. We survived just fine and he was a good sleeper and eater once I went back to uni and we had to get into a routine. Whatever works for you!

Mads123 · 07/12/2018 11:46

Thank you for posting this! I was literally in tears last night , I thought you had to get them to fall asleep in his cot so spent 3 hours putting him down just for him to start crying again. Where as if I let him fall asleep on me and can transfer him to cot in like 30 mins. My DS is also 7 weeks old and is content until I try to get him to go to sleep in the cot. So I'm very glad to learn that this is normal.

WeShouldOpenABar · 07/12/2018 12:00

I didn't have a routine until just before I went back to work so eight months, he was fine before it and adapted into it when needed

voxnihili · 07/12/2018 13:25

My DD is 15 weeks and we now have a great routine but it isn't something I enforced. To begin with we had no routine at all - I just did what she needed. At 12 weeks, she fell into a routine with her feeding but we got into a cycle where the length between feeds was the same but they were different times everyday based on when she'd had her last feed the day before. I then started feeding to a schedule (unless she's obviously hungry) and it has worked really well for us as I can plan trips out and errands much better.

She has no routine for naps, I just let her sleep wherever, whenever. She usually settles herself and will happily sleep anywhere - I really didn't want to have to be in the house for a certain time for naps. Rather than a nap schedule, I go by times and if she is getting grouchy two hours after waking and is it settling herself, I'll rock her.

With bedtime, we kept her with us in the evening as attempts at bedtime routines just ended with us spending hours consoling her screaming. At 12 weeks she suddenly became interested in the tv in the evening and wouldn't nap so we started a bedtime routine the next day and it worked.

I spent weeks agonising over the fact we had no routine but it's all worked out fine in the end.

voxnihili · 07/12/2018 13:34

I would try and get night and day the right way round though. Yes you have a year off but once you start wanting to go to baby groups it will be hard if you've been up all night. I have no idea if it made a difference but at night I'll meet DD's needs - feeding, changing etc but nothing else. Lots of fuss and playtime happened in the day. I wanted her to learn that being up at night is out of necessity and not for fun

MRex · 07/12/2018 13:42

I found getting out with lots of daylight worked to get night and day the right way round, including naps in daylight.

Scotinoz · 07/12/2018 13:43

At 7 weeks??!! Hell no! I foolishly tried to establish a routine for my eldest at that age because the other mums at Mother's Group did...it lasted about 8 hours until sanity prevailed. I'm not sure babies of that age know the word 'routine'; just roll with it 😊

I found that they tended to fall into a routine when food came into play though.

Cottipus · 07/12/2018 13:49

DD is nearly 1. We had a bedtime routine from 6 weeks. It worked great until around 3/4 months when everything went to pot!

I don’t have a strict routine now. Give DD food roughly same times each day, bf on demand, let her nap on me when she’s tired. Bath time/ bedtime roughly same time each day then we go to bed together about 7. She goes to nursery 2 days a week whilst I work and manages fine.

She does her own thing, likes stimulation and isn’t a baby who responds well to routines. Some are- and nothing wrong in having a routine if your baby likes that.

I stressed about loads of stuff when she was younger, getting her to nap in the cot, not feeding to sleep etc but I couldn’t care less now. She’s happy and doing great.

Don’t worry about what you “should” be doing, do what you think is right.

fedupandlookingforchange · 07/12/2018 13:49

We were fine without a routine for the first year or so, now at 16 months he has set himself a strict routine and I find it quite hard to stick to but he’s very unhappy if I don’t. So enjoy your lack of routine and when your baby is ready for a routine they’ll let you know.

Littlebelina · 07/12/2018 13:52

dd is the same age as yours. About the only things we've done is bathing her at a similar time each night and then putting her in a sleeping bag when we go to bed and putting her in her Moses basket then. Going to try doing that earlier (after her bath) soon but largely just going by her lead which I think is all you can do at this stage. Day times sleeps and feeds are when she wants and sleeps are often on us or in her chair pram or sling. Do what works for you. I like routine (+ we have an older ds) so trying to slowly work towards one but you can't force one on a baby that really doesn't want it

expatmigrant · 07/12/2018 14:52

Never had a routine with my two until I went back to work, only then started to put them down earlier for bed.
If baby's happy and you're happy that's all that matters.
Just enjoy your time together.

Original poster
Shantay · 07/12/2018 15:43

@Littlebelina do you bathe your baby every night? Mine hates the bath! This would cause chaos in my house 🙈

OP posts:
Parker231 · 07/12/2018 15:49

I didn’t have a routine with my DT’s until I went back to work when they were six months. And then the routine was only around what needed to happen before dropping them off at nursery at a set time. DH would collect them from nursery after work but we didn’t have an evening routine.

foxtiger · 07/12/2018 15:50

I didn't have a routine for either of my babies and they've grown up to be reasonably happy, healthy young men.

peachgreen · 07/12/2018 16:04

DD put herself into a routine really but I'm glad I made the effort to get her into night and day mode (lots of stimulation, noise and sunshine during the day, quiet dark room at night) and that I established a simple bedtime routine early on because it's paid dividends. She's avoided all sleep regressions (so far!) because she's had really strong "it's sleep time now" cues from birth and it helped her learn to self-settle without any drama or upset.

I'm all for not having a routine if you don't want or need one but imo some structure is very helpful for the future.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/12/2018 16:07

No routine at such a young age.
Not a routine as such but I made an effort to shower and get dressed (into a tracksuit/ leggings) everyday, for my own mental health. We also bathed the baby daily, in the vein hope that sleepy johnsons baby bath stuff would work...it doesnt.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 07/12/2018 16:17

She's avoided all sleep regressions (so far!) because she's had really strong "it's sleep time now" cues from birth and it helped her learn to self-settle without any drama or upset.

This isn't guaranteed! DS has had a bedtime routine from really on but had the mother of all four month sleep regressions - and also stopped self settling at that point. I really think with babies you get what you get most of the time and can't do much to change it!

wombatsears · 07/12/2018 17:24

I’m the same as you OP. DD is 8 weeks and I don’t think it would even be possible to get her feeding and sleeping into a routine. She is ebf so feeds on demand and sleeps most of the time anyway as she’s a tiny baby!

She’s happy, I’m happy. That’s all that matters.

hammeringinmyhead · 07/12/2018 17:32

Mine is 5 weeks. No daily routine but at 11ish he gets a change of nappy and outfit, big long feed, and he goes in his cot in our room with Ewan on in a sleeping bag. He then sleeps in 3 hour chunks til morning. Totally set by him and not us!

Grimbles · 07/12/2018 17:46

The only routine we really had was putting DS 'to bed' when he fell asleep after 10pm and making sure a clear distinction between night and day was made when it came to things like light, noise, etc.

Bambamber · 07/12/2018 17:48

My daughter never had a routine, with time she settled into her own routine. No fuss, no stress, it worked for us

YouBoggleMyMind · 07/12/2018 17:50

Never had any sort of fixed routine at that age. Even now it's very lose and our DS is happy and thriving. Do what works for you!

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