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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that my husband has stolen my period **Thread title edited by MNHQ**

190 replies

Countrymarch · 07/12/2018 10:01

My DH has always been on the sensative side- a few suspicious sniffs at the end of Rocky and leaves the room when Mrs Jumbo sings Baby Mine to Dumbo- that kind of thing...

However, when I was pregnant, he was an emotional nightmare. If I had a weepy day, he'd be mopey and a bit pathetic, but be unable to say why. If I had backache, he'd be booking in physiotherapy for 'an old sports injury' in his lower back that would suddenly be playing up.

The less said about the birth, the better- let's just say, he was checked out for appendicitis whilst I was waiting to be induced.

Roll on a few years and all is fine (mysterious back injury miraculously cured and appendix intact). However, I've been having the most God awful time of it with my periods for the last few months. So unbelievably painful and emotional, that sometimes I just have to tuck myself away, have a long bath and curl up in bed so that I don't end up killing someone.

I've been to the docs and they're looking into endometriosis, however....

My DH seems to take my obvious distress as a sign that he too is due his period.
Lots of moaning and 'stomach aches'. He's very emotional and last night, he ate my emergency bar of Galaxy.

I can't describe the sheer amount of murder I wanted to commit when he feebly asked to go to bed early as he was 'feeling a bit funny and cross', tucked himself in bed to watch Ian Botham's greatest cricketing moments, leaving me to deal with the kids (with no chocolate) and tidy the mess he'd made around what can only be describe as his sofa nest.

This isn't the first time it has happened and seems to now be a monthly occurance.

I'm not cross at him for being a massive wet fart, we all have our moments... But AIBU to think he's stealing my God earnt right as a woman to monopolise pmt????

Does anyone else's DH do this, or should I genuinely be concerned that he's got a secret fanny?

Yours, with true period style irrationality.

Please note, the thread title was originally: AIBU to think that my husband is just a MASSIVE GIRL. - the OP regretted this! (see her subsequent posts) - Added by MNHQ

OP posts:
FishFingersAndCustard11 · 07/12/2018 10:15

What the hell is your husband playing at? So every single bit of pain/emotion you go through, he has to copy you? I would be pissed off to the high if he faked appendicitis while I was being induced, just so the limelight wasn't just on me.

Why is he jealous of you experiencing pain and high emotions? Has he grown up in an environment where he had to compete with siblings/other children? He sounds awful to live with, unsympathetic and very attention seeking!

My DP was like this when I was pregnant. He read online that men can pregnancy symptoms when their partner is pregnant. Literally the next day, he was gagging and heaving over the toilet (not throwing up once), had sore nipples and cried at everything (without a tear in sight). I entertained him for about a week until I snapped and said he's getting too ridiculous. Every time I tried to tell him how I was feeling for comfort, he would go one up and turn it round so I gave him sympathy. Made me feel shit and undervalued. He admitted to faking it all when I snapped and said it's because he wanted us to 'feel connected and is if we were experiencing this pregnancy as one'Hmm

Certainly very strange behaviour that doesn't sit well with me.

thenorthernluce · 07/12/2018 10:17

My husband is similar, in that I cannot be sick without him “hijacking” it in some way. For example, if I say my throat is hurting, his is also hurting and he’s developing a cough. Sometimes, I just want to be sick in isolation, dude! Let me have it!

Doyoumind · 07/12/2018 10:17

Doesn't sound like a girl to me. I used to be a girl and never behaved like that.

Just sounds like a selfish dick you don't have respect for so not a great basis for a relationship.

53rdWay · 07/12/2018 10:17

Bloody hell FishFingersAndCustard11. I can only hope he’s improved massively since then!

KittyMarrion · 07/12/2018 10:18

Sounds like you don't spoil a pair....

fuzzywuzzy · 07/12/2018 10:19

Do you mean massive girl as in he’s actually a girl suffering actually from PMT?

For what it’s worth mine has never done this. If I’m stressed or tired or unwell he takes over and let’s me rest/rubs my back etc.

Ex on the other hand, always had to be feeling worse than I was, and never lifted a finger. When I was in labour he told me I have no idea how awful he felt due to his headache and getting no sleep.... as I’d by then been in labour for 14 hours I was not sympathetic and snarled at him You. Have. A. Headache!?!?!
I’d watched him snoring his head off whilst I had been labouring and truly hated him at that moment.

Very glad to be shot of him.

Anyway, no this isn’t normal. Your H sounds like a dick.

AutumnCrow · 07/12/2018 10:24

I know you're trying to make light of it, OP, but he sounds utterly draining, massively annoying, and, as pp said, as if he is occupying a place in Munchausens land.

Nursejackie1 · 07/12/2018 10:25

I think hes being a massive MAN

Truckingonandon · 07/12/2018 10:25

Kitty- 😆😆😆😆😆😆

SciFiScream · 07/12/2018 10:25

The emotions at films? I'd be delighted at that - that's a good thing I think. My DH is emotional at films (I'm not).

I think you've managed to come across as misogynistic and misandrist in the same post! Disdain for women and for men.

Speak to him about his behaviour but don't use stereotypes about the female sex to insult him with. That's awful.

Talith · 07/12/2018 10:29

I interpreted OP's "massive girl" as meaning her partner was specifically acting like a woman, with no judgement inherent on girls, just on him Grin

Funnily enough I remember XH getting terrible backache and having to lie down on the sofa after I'd had my first baby and was on painkillers for back problems... Hmmm...

YANBU OP.

Hoppinggreen · 07/12/2018 10:31

I was at a football match recently and the ball flew towards us.
2 teenage boys screamed and ran. The (Male ) adult with then laughed and said “ you 2 screamed like a girl”
Dd calmly kicked it back and glared at him. I said “ not like my girl”
I get your point OP but object to the offensive terminology

olafolaf · 07/12/2018 10:34

Sexist claptrap

Prefer · 07/12/2018 10:36

He sounds like a selfish prick is what he sounds like! He doesn’t like you getting any attention/sympathy when you’re unwell so he tries to make it about him. He did this when you were being induced?? I would honestly be so disgusted by him I’d probably leave him. Fucking loser.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/12/2018 10:36

I think some of you are being unduly harsh on the OP, who is currently in the throes of genuine PMT/dysmenorrhea and whose 'D'H evidently has a habit - whether deliberate or not - of appropriating her symptoms, buggering off to bed leaving her to deal with their kids and his mess and who ate her emergency chocolate. Angry

She's not being misogynistic in the least - I'm sure her annoyance with this particular man is exacerbated by the knowledge that most men do not indulge in this sort of behaviour.

chilledteacher · 07/12/2018 10:38

OP might I suggest asking for your title to be revised? Your DH is certainly acting strangely but not like a girl.

MRex · 07/12/2018 10:40

You might want to ask for your thread title to be changed or you're up for page after page of objections.

He sounds irritating. Some of it can be misplaced empathy and psychosomatic illness, but the rest of attention seeking.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/12/2018 10:41

He sounds self obsessed and selfish.

However I have zero sympathy for you because there is nothing more frustrating than the use of 'being a girl' as signifying pathetic behaviour.

As for your comment Errol - that's pure bollocks. Women are just as likely to soldier on through illness/discomfort and men are just as likely to be totally pathetic when feeling ill.

In this case however I think he can't bear you to have any perceived benefit from feeling unwell or in pain, he has to feel worse and therefore take any rest/relaxation/nice food etc.

1ndig0 · 07/12/2018 10:41

“The less said about the birth, the better- let's just say, he was checked out for appendicitis whilst I was waiting to be induced”

Grin

Oh my god, OP, I would have gone insane by now.

What is wrong with him? This sounds like a psychological disorder to me. I’ve never heard anything like this in my life.

Next time he has his “tummy pains / suspected appendicitis,” do not delay - call the GP for him and take him there expressly. But secretly have a word with the GP that you would like to have him screened /referred for psychological conditions. Give the full background. Is it “munchausens by proxy” when people mimic other people’s conditions? I once worked with a girl who was so convinced she was pregnant that her periods stopped, she was vomiting and actually appeared about 5 months pregnant - but it was purely psychological. I would be concerned, but also your DH would get on my nerves.

Onthebrink87 · 07/12/2018 10:41

When I was 6 I was sick in my bed. I didn't want to wake my DPs because I didn't feel 'poorly' so i took my dirty sheets and dropped them in the bath (most sensible place my small brain could come up with!) Then I lay a clean sheet out to sleep on. That's a girl! Your husband is being a twat not a girl. I'm not sure if you could get him a pop up book that might teach him all about being a big boy? They do them about dentist visits, first day at school etc - you should be able to find something on Amazon

53rdWay · 07/12/2018 10:42

She's not being misogynistic in the least

Well, it is a teensy bit misogynistic to come at this from a "he's so pathetic he must have a secret vagina" angle.

He sounds like an absolute pain in the arse, though. Who on earth would fake appendicitis when their partner is in hospital to give birth?

BasilFaulty · 07/12/2018 10:45

You've completely contradicted yourself in the title OP, seeing as you're the 'girl' and you're just cracking on.
Your husband sounds weird.

Avrannakern · 07/12/2018 10:46

Ignoring the title.

Yeah... He wants all the attention on him. Even when you were going into labour?!?! He just wants to be the only one with a right to complain and get sympathy.

What have you actually said to him? Have you pointed out everything you've written here? And I'm sure there's lots more examples. What does he say? What is his excuse?

HavelockVetinari · 07/12/2018 10:48

Sounds like your DH is a selfish attention-seeking twat who can't bear not to have the monopoly on sympathy. He sounds like he has Munchausen's Syndrome: www.nhs.uk/conditions/munchausens-syndrome/

Munchausen's syndrome is a psychological disorder where someone pretends to be ill or deliberately produces symptoms of illness in themselves.

Their main intention is to assume the "sick role" to have people care for them and be the centre of attention.

Prefer · 07/12/2018 10:49

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