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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How tired is normal? Work 4 days, 1 DC

71 replies

onechildortwo · 06/12/2018 21:51

I work four days a week (full time but compressed hours), DH five. We have a DD aged 2.5.

If I do nothing all week, no social engagements and very little housework etc in evenings I can just about survive but am still shattered by the weekend. Work is pretty stressful but office based. Commute only 45 mins which I think is not too bad (work in London).

It feels like a very fine balance and if anything messes it up (extra long day at work or - shock horror - social engagement during the week) I am so tired it's just not worth it and actually end up feeling very ill.

I guess what I'm asking is, is this just life with young DC, especially if you work? Can't decide if it's my lifestyle that's the problem or if there is actually something wrong with me. How do others cope?!

For full disclosure, I've been to GP and had blood tests which showed slightly underactive thyroid so have been taking meds which help a bit. Not anaemic. Eat quite healthily, drink only very rarely. Don't get enough exercise...

OP posts:

Abouttime1978 · 06/12/2018 22:05

I have three DC ages 1-7 years.

I'm exhausted all the time. I work three days a week.

I've also got an under active thyroid but it's under control so it's not that causing the tiredness.

I think it is just life with young kids.

I'm mentally overwhelmed and exhausted.

We've cut back everything this year to try and get some energy back, but I'm still shattered. X

epicclusterfuck · 06/12/2018 22:05

I was going to suggest getting your thyroid checked... I think that will be it, you may want to get tests to check you are getting enough thyroxine, TSH should be close to 1.0 but does seem to vary for some people. There may be other deficiencies too e.g. iron, b12. I have underactive thyroid but I'm also coeliac so on gluten free diet.

Original poster

onechildortwo · 07/12/2018 06:56

abouttime three kids...I take my hat off to you.

This is something I find myself thinking at work too, as I have colleagues with two or more kids who seem to cope ok. Maybe they're struggling underneath too!

OP posts:

blueskiesandforests · 07/12/2018 07:02

Do you get enough sleep?

I think a lot of the time we make ourselves stay up after the kids are in bed to "have an evening" or because of a stroppy teen inner voice protesting that "grown ups" don't go to bed before 11pm, but it's actually quite masochistic because it can result in consistently getting slightly less sleep than we need - say 6.5 hours, which means we're permanently long term sleep deprived.

Add a child who wakes in the night (my youngest was still waking multiple times per night at 2.5, though it was better by 3) and all hope is lost...

DinoGreen · 07/12/2018 07:16

Yes I feel a bit like this. One DC nearly 3, I work full time as does DH. I used to do all sorts in the evenings (gym classes etc), now I can’t cope with having too many weekday commitments. I have one regular evening class and I can just about cope with that, like you if I add a social engagement as well I end up kind of dreading it because of how tired I’ll be. For me it’s not so much actual physical tiredness but mental exhaustion - I don’t think my mind can cope with full time work, looking after DC every second I’m not at work, and then have to devote mental energy to something else as well. All I want to do in the evenings is curl up and watch TV!

Mrshoneyneedsanewhat · 07/12/2018 07:31

I have found my people! Two young DC, a DH who has a serious health condition and we both work FT. It is exhausting. I want a cleaner but can’t find one where we are so have cut cleaning and bed changing down to once a fortnight, but then that’s half a day every other weekend gone. I am seriously considering going down to 4 days as there is just no slack. Evening exercise gave up the ghost three months into full time, once the youngest started reception. I just get too tired out. I bailed early on the mums’ Xmas night out this week as I’m just too wiped if I cram in any more. I am v v organized, which helps, but I still find myself chasing my tail. I am pleased if I’m in bed by ten so I can get eight hours sleep and be up at six. It rarely happens!

Wingbing · 07/12/2018 07:32

How much sleep do you get?

Mrshoneyneedsanewhat · 07/12/2018 07:33

Just to add, the house is clean. I do bits and bobs as I go along. Just don’t have a full blitz every week like I used to (before anyone says I’m gross!).

tomhazard · 07/12/2018 07:36

I work full time and I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old. The younger is a strong willed fella who gets up whenever the hell he likes so sleep isn't always great.

I am utterly exhausted all the time and I am grateful that I earn decent money so I can spend it on a holiday to relax sometime next year!!

Alwayscheerful · 07/12/2018 07:44

Do not underestimate how exhausted you will feel if your vitamin D levels are low.

Caprisunorange · 07/12/2018 07:49

I feel exactly the same. I work full time, similar 45 min commute, have 1DC and pregnant but ignoring that I’ve realised I have been only half living since D.C. has been born.

I’ve realised with the second pregnancy that my job is a lot more stressful and busy now, but I still don’t know what to do about it

My issue is I just want to sleep/ rest all the time, but don’t feel rested.

I come home and I’m already exhausted and gunning for bed. I go to bed with D.C., at like 7.30- 8. Although I will read for a bit I’ll Be asleep well before 10. Then I wake for hours in the night, usually about 2am, fall back asleep at 4/5am and wake up late and exhausted. Then I’m running around, late for everything, no breakfast made, no lunch made.
Because I don’t do anything in the evenings I spend no time with DH and neither do I do any housework (we do have a cleaner, but that’s not enough) as a result simple tasks like filing paperwork accumulate for months or years and become mammoth tasks.

It’s realky getting me down

Thanksandnext · 07/12/2018 07:52

I think it’s completely normal but some people do need more sleep than others. I have young colleagues with no children who are in bed by 9pm.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 07/12/2018 07:56

I think it’s just life with a toddler! You have a busy 4 days at work then a busy 3 days with a two year old. Not to mention all the extra house work generated by a child. There is no down time. I long for the good old days of just a 60 hour work week, far more relaxing time to myself.

EmpressJewel · 07/12/2018 08:04

Yes, I think it's normal.

When I worked compressed hours, it was great, as I got s day off in the working week to spend with the DC and get stuff done around the house (washing, admin, appointments etc). The downside was that working longer hours meant that the other 4 day of the week were exhausting and I let a most things slide during those those.

Plus, having a pre-schooler is tiring as they are at a very demanding age and you can't leave them alone for a minute.

The good thing is that it does get easier. My children are now in primary school and they can entertain each other, get themselves dressed, sleep through the night.

BuggerandBalls · 07/12/2018 08:08

I’ve got ME (along with other conditions); I’m not working right now but it used to completely end me - I’d be in bed at the same time as the kids every night, then would have to spend weekends recovering. I had no energy left for doing anything else, and anything unexpected that meant I had to push myself would make me physically ill. Even now, without work to handle, I have to practise very careful pacing to avoid making myself really poorly (and have to try to have a sleep during the day to be able to get through until the kids are in bed). I too wondered if it was just life with children, but the pain everywhere/flu-like symptoms when I did anything extra/waking up after a good nights sleep feeling like I’d been awake for three days straight just didn’t seem right.

You know your own body - if your tiredness seems excessive speak to your GP and ask for it to be investigated.

costacoffeecup · 07/12/2018 08:08

@Caprisunorange I am exactly the same as you (but no cleaner!) Actually feel like a zombie. Waking up at 3am every single day and awake for a couple of hours. But even if I do sleep I'm still knackered.

Third trimester but I was already going to bed at 8 every night before I got pregnant. Never spend any time with DP and have been out once in the evening since May.

Original poster

onechildortwo · 07/12/2018 08:11

Thanks all. If I'm not doing anything in the evening and don't have to be in work early then I do usually get enough sleep - in bed by ten, DD usually sleeps through so up around 6.30. But just one night where that doesn't happen and I'm shattered for the rest of the week.

As a PP said, it's often the mental exhaustion as much as anything.

OP posts:

TeachesOfPeaches · 07/12/2018 08:11

What time do you go to bed? I go to sleep ridiculously early to cope.

Worieddd · 07/12/2018 08:14

I would say this is normal!

Caprisunorange · 07/12/2018 08:16

Oh costa I’m so glad it’s not just me! I keep thinking when this baby is born something has to change. I’m hoping maternity leave will bring some clarity to my life!

Zoflorabore · 07/12/2018 08:16

Op I have found that having 3 very early nights a week massively helps, I'm talking 8-8.30! Does you the world of good.

Neverender · 07/12/2018 08:17

Me too but I made some adjustments and now it's easier. I clean as I go through the week - clean bathroom while DD is in the bath, blitz the kitchen in 45 mins. I've also made time for exercise and yoga and sleep so much better now.

QueenofmyPrinces · 07/12/2018 08:19

I work 25 hours: 2 x 13 hour shifts.

I have a 16 month old and a 4.5yr old.

I am exhausted all the time!!

I reckon I only get about 5-5.5 hours of sleep a night, which is also broken as I’m disturbed by the 16 month old who wakes up at least twice, usually more.

I’m not sure how I function sometimes.

Zoflorabore · 07/12/2018 08:19

Ps I've also got fibromyalgia which means I'm more tired than normal and have chronic pain and take tons of meds so that makes me want an early night.
The thought of going out at night fills me with dread

Original poster

onechildortwo · 07/12/2018 08:34

Hmmm maybe 10pm isn't early enough and I need to go to bed earlier some nights.

OP posts:

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