How tired is normal? Work 4 days, 1 DC

[onechildortwo]

I work four days a week (full time but compressed hours), DH five. We have a DD aged 2.5.

If I do nothing all week, no social engagements and very little housework etc in evenings I can just about survive but am still shattered by the weekend. Work is pretty stressful but office based. Commute only 45 mins which I think is not too bad (work in London).

It feels like a very fine balance and if anything messes it up (extra long day at work or - shock horror - social engagement during the week) I am so tired it's just not worth it and actually end up feeling very ill.

I guess what I'm asking is, is this just life with young DC, especially if you work? Can't decide if it's my lifestyle that's the problem or if there is actually something wrong with me. How do others cope?!

For full disclosure, I've been to GP and had blood tests which showed slightly underactive thyroid so have been taking meds which help a bit. Not anaemic. Eat quite healthily, drink only very rarely. Don't get enough exercise...

I do wonder about going back to the GP but I feel like maybe the issue isn't medical and it's just my lifestyle. I would love to work fewer hours or find a less stressful job but I just don't think we can afford it

I think it's normal tbh.

I think part of the problem is that we want/need to keep our hours up at work for the £££ but also want to spend more time with our kids. Getting the balance right is tricky, not just in terms of finance but also flexibility of employers and childcare.

Could you go through your finances to see if you could drop some hours at work? Appreciate maybe not if in London.

Normal. 2 school age dc and one teenager who comes and goes. I work average 40-50 hrs long shifts for now and just completing phd on top. Husband also does long hrs. Constant guilt with not spending enough time with the children when I'm off, I'm just too tired. Lost 2 stone in weight though which had a pretty big impact on energy levels also ensuring I drink enough water and eat fresh veggies. Lucky to have a very good cleaner who saves my sanity. After Christmas I go part time and can't wait to be with my children more! Always worth asking gp if they would mind re checking a full blood count including iron and folate studies, bone profile , bit b12 and vit D. I've treated quite a few shattered women who just needed their levels sorting to feel improved

Normal for me. Two DC, work FT, three days in the office don't get home until nearly 8. two days WFH.

According to my fitbit I get about 6-6.5 hours sleep a night but hardly any deep sleep eg last night was 20 minutes deep sleep.

The kids wake up at stupid o'clock and I can't sleep through it. I go upstairs at 9 most weeknights and am asleep by 10.

Normal for me, too. 3 dcs (9,7,4) and, work FT, i can't remember not being utterly exhausted within the last 9 years.

I’m so glad it’s not just me! Until very recently I’ve just been too tired for anything outside work and looking after my DS. It only really changed in the summer when I started taking maximum strength vit D and my DH stepped up in terms of taking more solo time with my DS so I could have some time to myself.
I work three days, usually one from home, which is laundry / bathroom / dusting day (I work short days so have time before / after nursery drop / pick up). Two days I am totally dedicated to my DS, except for a one hour food shop. The weekends always include ironing and any other bigger jobs. Plus there is a daily dog walk to do and the usual rotation of daily laundry and hoovering as we have the dog. Just reading that makes me tired!
I’ve also recently started doing some regular exercise and planning regular holidays as a family. I genuinely think, though, the vit D has been a massive help. I’ve had a Cold the last two weeks and although I’ve been under the weather I’ve managed to keep functioning...unlike my DH 😂

I am the same and I don’t think health wise there is anything wrong with me.

My 2.5 year old isn’t even nearly sleeping through the night so I go to bed as early as I can to get enough sleep in. So no evening for me, but I get enough sleep.

Hmmm maybe 10pm isn't early enough and I need to go to bed earlier some nights.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw 10pm

Exercise and fresh air will help your energy levels. Even if you can’t face anything more than a brisk walk it will help.

Sleep. Get enough sleep.

Don’t touch alcohol.

tbh compressed hours probably don't help as you're shattered fitting 5 days into 4 then having to be on good form for the Friday. I wonder how much it would be for another day childcare, often very little as nurseries do a discount. maybe pay the extra and every other week put lo in for half a day for break and a rest.

Do you drink alcohol? I am in the same position as you - work 4 days and 1 child and until recently I felt absolutely exhausted all the time. Then I stopped drinking a few months ago (for unrelated reasons) and I can’t tell you what a difference it’s made, I no longer feel tired at all. Before then I had probably a couple of glasses of wine most days, often because I felt so tired and thought it helped. Anyway, just a suggestion in case it’s something you could try.

Sorry, just read properly and you said only drink rarely...

Work FT, single parent, 2DC - I started taking vitamin D (high dose capsules from Solgar that you can get on Amazon, about £12 for two month's worth) and that has made a difference. Plus at least one early night a week (went to sleep at 9 last night) and a couple of "easy" evenings - freezer food or eggs on toast or something, kids vegging in front of the TV, early bath and bed for them.

I also do jobs when I have most energy - so I am weirdly at my best first thing (with the idea that I'm already up and not liking it so I might as well also be doing stuff I'm not into!) . So I unload the dishwasher, maybe put a load of washing in - this morning I took a load out of the dryer and ironed it while the DC were eating breakfast, it didn't make my morning any less hard work and it's a job that doesn't need doing when I get in.

Exercise would be amazing but I just can't fit it in anywhere.

I have 3 primary school age children, my husband works for the police so is on 24 hour shifts. I don't work during the day but teach a sport 2 evenings a week and one weekend morning.

I am always exhausted! When the kids are at school I do housework, go to the gym, do laundry, shopping etc.

I'm in bed anywhere between 9pm and 11pm and I have one of those watches that measures sleep. It says on average I get about 9 hours of sleep a night but that less than an hour of that is REM/Deep sleep, the remaining 8+ hours is always just a light sleep. I don't know how accurate these things are but it certainly feels like it to me.

caledonian no worries, yes I found the same with alcohol and have all but cut it out.

When I do have the occasional glass its the same old thing, wipes me out for the whole week!!!

Interesting all the suggestions of vit D. Might give that a try.

It’s interesting how many people have these watches. I don’t. I think I’d feel demoralised about how few calories my sport burns (250 in 20 mins according to the app, when I use it for distance). I do this activity 3 / 4 times a week; plus the dog walk I suppose. I’d also worry that I’d start to feel worse if it said I was getting bad sleep, for example. Do you think that might be having an impact psychologically?

A friend gave me a great tip a while ago too - no matter what happens In the night, when you have a shower, it’s the start of a new day, forget the night, start again. Sounds corny, but it seems to work.

I felt like this. Gave up sugar completely. Changed my life. The up and down blood sugar cycle was making me exhausted.

Also interested to see the pp who mention vitamin D. What strength is it please?

I cut out alcohol completely in August ( can't do 3 day hangovers now I'm 40! ) and feel so much better for it.

One thing that has helped me relax massively is meditation/hypnotherapy on YouTube. Every night without fail i put it on, plonk the phone on my pillow, eye mask on and drop off. I'm much less anxious too.

I am tired all the time too. kids, we both work fulltime, horrific commute. Feel like I am in a vicious cycle of exhaustion, anxiety, no exercise, glass of wine, poor sleep. Am also overweight.

Sounds like I need to tackle the weight and the wine. Also zoflorabore can you recommend anything meditation-wise from youtube?

@zoflorabore it’s 100% of your daily intake. Nothing clever. I buy them in Sainsbury’s. It’s a combined Vit D, COD liver oil, and Vit A tablet. Two a day.

Go to bed at 8pm for few nights OP and you will feel like a new woman

I don't know if it's normal but here's my situation. Single mum to 7 yo, in full-time employment (36.25 hrs), get up at 6.20am and go to bed at 11pm, out of the house between 7.30am - 6pm. Don't drive so commute by public transport and walking. No evening clubs during the week for the child but I go to gym 3 time a week after work. Take child regularly at the weekend to clubs/park/frriends' etc.

I'm not exhausted at all. I have off days but I definitely can't say I'm exhausted to the point you're describing.

Hmmm. So, I think I am reassured that this is normal! I agree a run of early nights would be a good thing but it is slightly depressing to think my life is just work, childcare, sleep, repeat!

Sorry lucy our posts crossed. Maybe the jury's out on whether this is normal or not - or perhaps it just differs from person to person.

I might try and up the vitamin D. The idea of cutting out sugar is just too exhausting- I can’t face taking on another thing to plan and manage.
I don’t get enough fresh air, I know that.

The only thing I would say about going to bed early is great idea if you’re genuinely going to sleep longer (I don’t, I’ll just wake up about 3am) but try not to make a habit of it or you’ll end up like me, in bed at 8 every night and no life